.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;} <$BlogRSDURL$>

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Well, ok, not fishing... don't I wish? Actually, I don't wish, because I don't really fish, but I do wish my temporary leave of absence were attributable to something that leisurely. In actuality, work has consumed the better part of my days this past week, thereby sabotaging DAYS itself. Yes, belying the stereotype, this blogger actually does have a day job -- they don't even let me where my pajamas here. It's horrible. Even more agonizing? The realization that while I spend my time futzing with spreadsheets and powerpoints, the world continues to spiral out of control. That said, I'm pretty sure it'll still be crumbling when I finally resurface in another week or so. Look for the Daily 5 and all my other ranting to return as June commences. Until then, have a little fun with real audio from Dear Leader and the boys, courtesy of SNL...

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Just my luck, after months and months of waiting, the indictment we've all been waiting for appears to be in the offing and I won't be able to revel in the blogsplosion of joy that's sure to result. Yep, it appears this may be the week that little shit bloom Karl Rove is finally frog marched out the White House. Sadly, I won't be around to write about it. Yep, life is taking over this week, so posting will be light if it happens at all. Not that I'm complaining, the faster that doughy puke is knocked out the picture the better. Good riddance shitbag.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Say hello to your new roommate Karl.
(image from bloggerheads.com)

I'll be back in a little over a week, soon enough to cover the Bushtanic snowball as it thunders toward it's next inevitable target, Big Dick. We all know Cheney's handwriting has been all over this thing from the beginning -- or should I say, in the margins. Can't wait to see them all go down in one massive fireball of comeuppance and schadenfreude. I just hope we don't all get enveloped by the flames...

Just remember, things could've all turned out very differently, as a certain former VP gently reminded us just last night.

If only...

There will be plenty of coverage of this week's implosion from sources much more knowledgeable and talented than I, so get the following into your favorites, onto your rolls and into your daily routine if they're not already there:

Crooks & Liars
Shakespeare's Sister
Whiskey Bar
Think Progress

And check the 'Roll' to the right for more talented voices. These are but a few of the folks at the heart of a powerful movement that the politicians and establishment media are still struggling to understand. The revolution is now, best start paying attention. See you all in a week.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Another post in DAYS' continuing effort to inform the Preznit about his most recent polling numbers in a simple, direct and easy way so that he can wrap his tiny mind around the depths of his unpopularity:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic And I got mad hits like Rod Carew.

In July of 1974, Mr. Carew was busy tearing up the majors on his way to another batting title. Also that month, Richard Nixon's approval rating hit 29%. On August 8, 1974, Nixon would resign. I am so excited for this summer.

Oh, and this description, of 'Lot 29', Googled up in my numbers research today:

In stereotypes loved by comedians, `Lot 29' was to auctions what `PC 49' was to policemen. `Lot 29' was likely to be a hideously ugly vase, a chair on the point of falling to pieces, a wireless that only crackled, or some other object that no one in their right mind would want to buy.
Seems like an unbelievably appropriate metaphor for this administration, no? Heckuva job Dubya.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Can you hear me now Mr. President?
1. ThinkProgress: What a Deal! Now, with every presidential takedown, you get the bonus of ruining the nation's 3 largest Telco companies! Whoo hoo! Oh, and Qwest? This is your lucky day my friend. I know I'm switching. C&L offers Cafferty video. FDL urges us to call our representatives (just not on an AT&T, Verizon or Bellsouth phone, ok?). And here's the original USAT story.
D-Ren: Bush shows some of that old compassionate conservatism again.
3. Crap. Does this mean we have to nuke Brazil now?
4. Glenn Greenwald has a message for Richard Cohen: Embrace the Anger.
5. Flotsam: I don't understand why people say figure skating is so gay?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting (swiped from WTF is it Now?)

ON THIS DAY: Martha Quinn was born. I said, Martha fu*king Quinn people! Stand up!

There is nothing more important, more sacred, than mothers. Aside from that whole birthing thing, which is pretty crucial to all of us being here, mothers can also be a voice of reason, an inspiration, a teacher, a sounding board, a support mechanism, a shoulder to cry on and a comfort zone. Mothers, in a word, rock.

I talk about mothers a lot on this site... unfortunately, it's usually followed shortly by an expletive and directed at members of the current misadministration. That said, even the crooks in the White House have mothers. And so, today, we take a moment to recognize these women and shower them with some well-deserved Mother's Day gifts. Ready?

Laura Bush: A refill on Xanax.
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Oh yeah, she's not on anything at all. w'ev.
Come on, if you had to put up with that tool day in and day out, you'd be raiding Patrick Kennedy AND Rush Limbaugh's stash of drugs, wouldn't you? Oh, and we'll throw in a set of new batteries too.

Lynne Cheney: A lesson in timing.
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting 'And now I'll read from my book, Sisters.'
Perhaps Lynne can pass this gift on to her daughter, Mary (did ya hear? she's a lesbian!). Seems like Mary could learn that speaking out against the proposed constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage now is less useful or brave than it would've been if she'd spoke up during the 2004 presidential campaign. You know, when her dad and his party were out there riling up the homobigots in their base to ensure re-election? And maybe pass along a bar of soap to her as well so she can wash her filthy mouth out. Honestly. (ht Shakes)

Karen Hughes: A copy of "The Middle East for Dummies"
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting 'Hey kids, wanna see my Mohammed pop-up book?'
Tapped as good-will ambassador to the Middle East, a part of the world that almost universally hates us now thanks to her boss, Karen has proceeded to do nothing but misunderstand almost everything about the region and insult its inhabitants at every turn. Heckuva job on the hearts and minds there Big Foot.

Barbara Bush: A retroactive abortion.
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting 'Pssst, you were a mistake... in so many ways.'
Better make that two, just in case. And maybe we can get a lobotomy for Babs beautiful mind while we're at it.

Finally, as a reminder to the warmongers currently occupying the nation's capital, Mother's Day was originally founded as a cry for peace and a pean to pacifism. The following comes from Julia Ward Howe's original 1872 Mother's Day Proclamation:

Arise then...women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly: "We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage,
For caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country,
Will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."
Read the rest. And someone get these bitches to read it to their men. Quick.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Queen Muthas.

Happy Mother's Day Mom. Thanks for everything.

Mom's Rising
Wiki: Mother's Day
Nation: The Motherhood Manifesto
CodePink: Celebrate Mom's Day in DC
(ht to Delilah for the idea, and to Floyd for the post head)

[return to DAYS home]

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Nobody should be surprised that the word 'backstabber' appears on Preznit 31%'s resume; it's listed right alongside 'purveyor of incompetence' and 'easy on corruption'. The Dragonlady of the South, Katherine Harris, is the latest to feel the cold steel of Georges Junius Bushus' dagger.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic 'You know we have to kill you now, right?'

Rep. Harris, who along with Antonin Scalia, Tom DeLay and FOX News probably had more to do with Bush's selection as president in 2000 than anyone else, has been running a disaster of a Senate campaign in Florida. As her missteps have increased so have the number of former supporters who've jumped ship. Earlier this week, Gov. Jeb Bush publicly urged her to abandon her campaign, and just yesterday, the president himself gave her the proverbial finger.

W turns against his Florida savior
President Bush was in Florida yesterday trying one last time to cut the political legs out from under the woman who helped put him in the White House in 2000.

Rep. Katherine Harris met the President when he landed at MacDill Air Force Base and they chatted briefly while she gripped his hand, but the body language said it all: Bush's face was grim and he didn't bestow the usual kiss. (ed. if he had, would it have been the kiss of Judas?)

Sources in Washington said Bush would make a final attempt to nudge Harris out of her doomed Senate race. "He wants to get her to seriously consider dropping out," said a knowledgeable GOP source, adding that Bush may ask her "if there's anything else she might want" in the way of an appointment.
Hmmm, whatever could Ms. Harris be appointed to? Ooh! Ooh! I have an idea! How about you put her in charge of FEMA Mr. Preznit? After all, she has the necessary experience -- check it out:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic Is that, perchance, an Arabian horse Ms. Harris?

And if the FEMA thing doesn't work out, Dusty, Duke and the boys are always looking for a few good ladies of the night. How's your poker game Katherine?

Oh, and since we're thinking about Florida and the 2000 election, can someone give Pat Robertson a call and ask him if the wildfires that set the state ablaze yesterday is God's way of punishing them? Just wondering.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

A daily merry-go-round of crap from around the cyberwebs.
1. Ribbit! David Shuster says he is "convinced Karl Rove will be indicted." Shuster's been on this story from the get, so he probably has a better idea than just about anyone save for Murray Waas and Patrick Fitzgerald, so, uh, yay!. "Oh when the frogs, go marching in..." (video at C&L)
2. ThinkProgress: A Dusty, a Duke and a guy named Nine Fingers. What is wrong with these people? Honestly, hookers, limos, graft and a collection of bumbling bureacrats who sound like they just walked out of a Dick Tracy strip? Is this even real? Can we just impeach everyone in Washington and start over?

3. Molly Ivins weighs in on Hookergate: "I don’t care who anyone in politics is screwing in private, as long as they’re not screwing the public."
4. Worker 3116: "We are going to smoke the terrorists out of their fortresses of solitude."
5. Flotsam: Too bad this poor actor will suffer some horrible death for what looks like such a crap movie. Oh well, check out FreeWilliamsburg's summer movie preview for more crappy films (and a few good ones).

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting In this picture, the baby represents America.

ON THIS DAY: In 1671
Thomas Blood disguised as a clergyman, attempts to steal the Crown Jewels from the Tower of London. He is immediately caught because he is too drunk to run with the loot. He is later condemned to death and then mysteriously pardoned and exiled by King Charles II. Doesn't this sound like something that could happen in modern-day DC? I mean, no hookers, but still.

Oh, also on this day, in 1974,
impeachment hearings against Richard Nixon began. If only history would repeat itself, and fast.

Oh hell, I missed National Prayer Day last week -- does it count if I prayed for impeachment? Oh well, since I didn't properly celebrate the day, I thought I'd revive an old feature and bring back iGod. Did you know that you no longer have to be the president to chat directly with the Big Guy himself? Now, thanks to iGod, anyone can do it -- and we can listen in. As has been documented here before, our feckless leader regularly communes with the Almighty when faced with big decisions ('cept for choosing rugs, he leaves that to Laura). But who does the real power, Dick Cheney, answer to? Thankfully, we can listen in on one of Big Time's IM sessions with Big Jah. Beware, this is like Satan communing with God, so buckle your seatbelts. (and please remember, these are actual responses from God via iGod, so if they're not funny, take it up with Him)

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting A whole lot of hot air.

Dick: you there? you better be there goddamit...
God: Who is going to make me..
Dick: I'll make ya, you harp-playing fairy.
God: Explain your plans to me.
Dick: yeah, right. if i told you i'd have to kill you.
God: I am usually right. Try it.
Dick: I'll kill you with my bare hands.
God: Don't you believe that killing is wrong?
Dick: hahahahahahahahahaha
God: I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Dick: Whatever freak. I wanted to talk to you for a minute.
God: Oh, to you I am a hippie.
Dick: yeah, you are a damn hippie, and i'm sick and tired of you filling georgie's head with all that peace and love crap.
God: Excuse me! Am I a damn hippie? I will pray that you get well soon.
Dick: I'm perfectly well, don't worry about me. Pass the salt?
God: Where do you get your ideas?
Dick: my ideas? from the 7th layer of hell of course.
God: Who or what is the 7th layer of hell?
Dick: some say alabama, but it's actually a place just south of houston. i found it years ago when i was drilling for oil. with my bare teeth.
God: Your bare teeth sounds like a plan.
Dick: huh? god i hate you sometimes. can we just talk about george?
God: I am a Christian. Sure I can talk about it. george is quite an interesting topic.
Dick: yeah, interesting. anyway, you're confusing him.
God: I hear you. I am sorry, I didn't mean to confuse you.
Dick: no, no, not me you idiot. you're confusing george.
God: Are you serious?
Dick: yes i am. you see, for years the voice he'd hear was me from underneath the bed. he thought it was you, but it was me.
Dick: Really interesting. I see. I get it. he thought it was me but it was you.
Dick: exactly. but then you started to stick your big godly butt in and actually answer his prayers... what's up with that?
God: You and I are on the same wavelength.
Dick: yeah, i hope we understand each other. so you'll shut the fuck up then?
God: Interesting deduction. What makes you say that I will shut up.
Dick: you need to. we got countries to bomb, brown people to torture, oil companies to feed, etc. etc.
God: Thank you for your criticism. Are you free?
Dick: yes, i'm free... free from sanity!
God: Who or what is sanity?
Dick: I have no idea my friend. none at all.
God: Would you like to have an idea? I heard there are some.
Dick: Go fuck yourself.
God: Why are you so mean?
Dick: Because I'm Dick fucking Cheney, that's why. duh.

First Up: Me
Dubya: The Chosen One
Tierney: God's Weapon Inspector

Monday, May 08, 2006

As with previous efforts, this post suggests a kinder, gentler way to break the latest approval poll numbers to the President. Just show him this:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting President Brain Freeze.

Maybe his drooling over the ice cream will distract him from realizing just how unpopular he really is. Of course, he may already be distracted by the many important issues facing the country -- Darfur, Iran, his fucking rug. Jeebus.

'What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a happening!'
1. Bush told a German newspaper over the weekend that his 'best moment' as president was when he caught himself a 7.5 pound perch. That's right, six years as leader of the free world and the best thing he's done is catch a fish. Boy, if only Osama were a trout. (Daou has the latest, and Shakes has more on W's outlandish interview here and here.)
2. Billmon: Turing the CIA into New Orleans (or "The Successful Reign of Porter Goss"). Also, Bush's appointment of Michael "I'll spy on your grandma" Hayden to replace Goss spells victory for one Donald Rumsfeld, you know the crazy guy everyone wants fired? Superb.
3. Conyers: After being attacked by Tim Russert, Rep. Conyers defends the notion that he may actually introduce executive office oversight if the Dems were to gain control of Congress. (*gasp!* "Oversight?! Deary me, what sort of radical talk is this??") And why is the idea of investigating how we were (mis)led to war so scary to the establishment media anyway? FDL says 'it's the complicity stupid'.
4. TDS (via OGM): Jon Stewart spotlights The Bushie's oily flip-flops. (and check out Bulldog's simple yet effective POS impeachment idea.)
5. I have to say, I love coming up #1 on this Google search.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Best Day Ever: Fishing with Dad in N'awlins.

ON THIS DAY: In 1970 a mob of more than 200 construction workers attacked a noon-time peace rally at the corner of Wall & Broad Streets in New York's financial district, beating the anti-war protestors with hard hats, tools and fists, injuring more than 70 of them. After the Wall St. beatdown, the mob stormed nearby City Hall demanding the American flag, flying at half-mast on the heels of the tragedy at Kent St., be raised up high less they sack the place. And what did these brutes receive in return for their boorish actions? Jail time? Fines? Loss of their jobs? Nope, none of the above. The hard hats received a letter from vice president Spiro Agnew commending them for their "impressive display in patriotism--and a spirit of pride in country that seems to have become unfashionable in recent years." I work at Wall & Broad. I think I'll be wary of the construction workers when I go out for lunch today.

Also, today is VE Day, a perfect time to inform the world that we're in the middle of World War III. Did we forget to mention that before? Oops, sorry.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

An e-mail was sent out to our office last week informing us that our receptionist, the one who has greeted me every day for the past eight months with a smile, was no longer with the company. The reason? She's been called up and will probably be heading to Iraq soon, leaving a 3-year-old son to wait for her return. I have a friend from childhood who's just completed his flight school training with the Marine Corps. He too will soon be leaving for Iraq. His wife and two kids will wait for him.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

I am extremely proud of the men and women who serve in the armed forces. I realize that the sacrifices they make are greater than most of us can even imagine. I'm proud of their families for supporting them, and I'm forever grateful for the job they do. But I am so sick and tired of this war -- this stupid, senseless war -- plucking people out of the population and plopping them into the desert to protect a 'palace' the size of 80 football fields for George W. Bush.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting 'It's my palace and I'm keeping it. So there.'

I'm sick and tired of hearing about 52-year-old grandmothers being sent to guard Dick Cheney's oilfields.

I'm sick and tired of hearing stories about 23-year-old men, still heartbroken over the battlefield death of his 21-year-old fiancee, meeting the same fate three years later.

I'm sick and tired of outrageous recruiting stories such as this one in which an autisitic teenager in Portland is openly recruited, signed and sent to Iraq.

I'm sick and tired of hearing about small towns across America suffering through
multiple funerals for their young men and women slain in Iraq.

I'm sick and tired of hearing about families left behind to
mourn and grieve.

I'm sick and tired of hearing about helicopters being
shot down (5 dead) or crashing (10 dead).

I'm sick and tired of hearing about roadside bombs
killing our soldiers every single day.

I'm sick and tired of reading headlines like this every single day:
42 Killed, Found Dead in Iraq Violence.

I'm sick and tired of hearing about '
turning points'.

I'm sick and tired of seeing this asshole's face every day.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting What's that you said, 'bring 'em on'?

And I'm already sick and tired of the next war. I agree whole-heartedly with Juan Cole: We're not going to let you, the radical, misguided, hawkish idealogues of the PNAC Party, have your wider war. No more senseless deaths. No more imperialistic adventures. No more.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

I don't understand what all the 'mystery' is behind the sudden resignation of CIA Director Porter Goss. Isn't it obvious he resigned so he could spend more time playing poker with his hookers?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
'I solemnly swear to play a whole lot of Texas Hold 'Em.'

Honestly, why did every tabloid here in New York splash a photo of goddam Patrick Kennedy on the cover of their papers this morning? It's infuriating. I realize these aren't 'hard news' papers, but it's not like there isn't a scandal at the heart of the Goss story. Shall we do the math on this one?
Gambling + Booze + Hookers + Congressmen + Bribes + Watergate Hotel + Porter Goss = JUICY.

Doesn't it? I mean, I know there's no Kennedy in that equation, but what the hell? Not only that, it's the Director the CIA we're talking about. Seems worthy of page 1, no?

Oh well, regardless of whether or not he's involved in Hookergate, we really should've known Goss wouldn't last long in the job. He did, after all, claim to be 'overwhelmed' by the workload when he first started out. Not a good first impression. But then, only a few months later, he got all of our hopes up when he claimed he knew where Osama was (classic TDS on this here). But now, those hopes are dashed. I just pray he left his notes on OBL's location behind. Hate to lose those.

The official spin on this seems to be that Director of National Intelligence John Negroponte won out in a turf battle with Goss, resulting in the resignation. This means that the guy who spends three hours every day getting massages, swimming laps and chomping big cigars is better suited for the job then the guy who spent his time playing poker and consorting with prosititutes.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Smokin 'em out, one rubdown at a time.

Good to know everyone's working so hard in this War on Terror thing. Makes me feel safe, how about you?

Friday, May 05, 2006

... of people with impressively big balls:

Add your own in the comments. Or don't, whatever.

Have a ballsilicious* weekend! (*ht Jon Stewart)

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Paranoia strikes deep in the heartland
But I think it's all overdone
Exaggerating this exaggerating that
They don't have no fun
-- Paul Simon, ‘Have a Good Time’, 1975

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

I thought I sorta understood the depths of Dick Cheney's twisted, paranoid mind. Then I saw a preview of the man's profile in the forthcoming issue of Vanity Fair:

Purdum reports that Cheney travels with a chemical-biological suit at all times. When he gave his friend Robin West and his twin children a ride to the White House a couple of years ago, West commented on the fact that Cheney's motorcade varied its daily path. "And he said, 'Yeah, we take different routes so that "The Jackal" can't get me,'" West tells Purdum. "And then there was this big duffel bag in the middle of the backseat, and I said, 'What's that? It's not very roomy in here.' And [Cheney] said, 'No, because it's a chemical-biological suit,' and he looked at it and said, 'Robin, there's only one. You lose.'"
Isn't that just typical? While we all scramble for duct tape and plastic sheeting, this asshole carts a biohazard suit around with him. What a dick. And is it any wonder the country has been in a perpetual state of delusional panic for the past six years? The madman at the helm of the ship is convinced that someone, anyone, everyone is out to get him. It's the trickle-down theory of paranoia. Sure, he could be joking about the 'the jackal' coming after him, but let's face it -- he's probably not.

This man has a well-documented history of secrecy and paranoia, from his undisclosed mountain bunkers to stonewalling every investigation -- energy task force meetings, pre-9/11 intelligence -- that comes near him. This is a man who set up a secret White House cabal to run the nation’s foreign policy, orchestrated a series of unprecedented expansions of presidential power to include his own office, and made secret deals to flood the coffers of his buddies at Halliburton. He’s probably the one who ordered the outing of Valerie Plame. He feels no need to inform the public of his actions, even if that includes shooting someone in the face. Former Nixon counsel John Dean has long said the Bush/Cheney regime is more secretive than any previous administration, including Nixon’s. Hell, Cheney even keeps secrets about his secrets.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Just because you're paranoid...

Cheney’s paranoia is as legendary as his secrecy. Revelation of the 24/7 biohazard suit just adds to a long list that includes shoveling massive amounts of the anti-anthrax medication Cipro into his gullet on the heels of 9/11, demanding extra lamps in his hotel room to flush out any lurkers, and launching an over-reaching, illegal domestic spying program. Bush takes most of the heat on this last one, but Cheney’s paranoid fingerprints are all over it. I can hear him now, in that gruff grumble of his, “Spy on everyone, I don’t care if it’s legal or not. Spy on the milkman, the taxi driver, the housewife… any of them could be hiding a dirty bomb. Just do it.”

So what has fueled Big Dick’s increasingly delusional state of mind? According to the Vanity Fair piece, it may be his diet. As Hotline points out:

At age 65, Cheney is easily 30 or more pounds overweight, seems to have slacked off on what was once a more rigorous diet, and appears to suffer from recurrent bouts of gout. At a roundtable lunch with reporters a couple of years ago, two who were present say, he cut his buffalo steak in bite-size pieces the moment it arrived, then proceeded to salt each side of each piece.

He takes a range of medications that he and his doctors decline to detail. The extent of his atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries, which, if it extends beyond the heart to the brain, can cause hard-to-recognize changes in cognition) is unknown. Bypass surgery itself has long been associated with subtle changes in neurological function.
Great, we’re all gonna die because this gluttonous SOB can’t lay off the sodium.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting 'Pass the salt before I stick this fork in your eye.'

Salt-induced or not, Cheney is wayyyy over the rainbow folks. The scary thing? He's running the country. I realize the idea that Cheney is the real power behind the throne is an overused and oft-repeated caricature, but all evidence points to total confirmation of this notion. John Nance Garner, vice president under Franklin Roosevelt, was once quoted as saying, "the vice presidency isn't worth a pitcher of warm spit." Then Dick Cheney came along.

The Vanity Fair piece provides us with this choice little nugget:

Cheney rejects the caricature of him as the power behind the throne, insisting, "I think we have created a system that works for this president and for me, in terms of my ability to be able to contribute and participate in the process."
That system? Cheney makes all the decisions, Bush distracts us all with his stunning stupidity. We're all so blinded by the imbecile at the podium that we don't notice the crazy madman behind the curtain pulling all the levers.
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Don't do it Alice... you won't like what's back there.

Does anyone honestly think that Bush is really ‘The Decider’ in this relationship? Hell, Bush wasn't even the one who decided to pick Cheney as his VP in the first place. Cheney chose himself. Bush as a clear-thinking, decisive leader? Give me a break. This man couldn’t lead his way out of a bag of pretzels.

This is a man who probably gets distracted by the pictures on the menu at Denny's, then forgets that he’s hungry. This is a man whose limited creativity is evidenced by the childish nicknames he assigns people – Yosh, Brownie, Stretch, Tall Guy. This is a man who spends more time bikin' and clearin’ brush than he does presidentin'. And does it scare anyone that all that time he spends biking and clearing brush and generally doing nothing, he still doesn't seem to do any crtitical thinking? Honestly, this is a guy who can probably whack away at weeds for six hours straight and not think of a single thing other than, 'boy, sure are a lot of weeds here.'

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Hard workin' preznit.

But Bush isn’t there to be the president; he's there to play the president. He's nothing more than a sock puppet, and Cheney is the hand. (I know, I just got a really disturbing image in my head too… sorry ‘bout that) The only time Bush may have actually been running the country on his own was when Cheney decided to take some time off for a fishing trip last August, and we all know what happened then: He lost the entire city of New Orleans.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Hard workin' Nero.

This is a man who isn’t interested in asking questions. He doesn’t want to be bothered by inconvenient contradictions to his set-in-stone belief system. He’s Uncurious George, and that’s exactly why the Neocons chose him for the role. These guys knew what they wanted to do going back 15 years, at least. They just needed someone uninterested and disengaged enough to pimp it for them without asking any pesky questions. They needed a hunk of clay, basically, and they chose George W. Bush.

They’ve appealed to Bush’s belief in a higher power. They’ve convinced him that he’s the chosen one. They persuade him to adopt their goals and opinions as his own and then let him ride out his messianic fantasy. They've created this insulated bio-dome for him to operate from, one where all his decisions are his own, are justified and ultimately turn out for the best. They need him to live in this fantasyland, where freedom is on the march and the armies of compassion hand out lollipops of liberty, in order to carry out their plan. And who are “they” led by? None other than Dick Cheney, an original signatory to ‘they’re’ plan, also known as the Project for the New American Century.

The next step in that plan apparently is to go after Iran. Now, this is just speculation of course, but if we do end up dropping nukes on that country, I have a feeling the conversation where that decision is made will go something like this:

Dick: I think we should drop some nukes on Iran George
Bush: Really? I don't know... seems dangerous.
Dick: Dangerous? You haven't been reading again have you George?
Bush: Nawww, it just seems like most people don't want me to do it, ya know?
Dick: Who cares what people think! You're The Decider, remember? Come on George, do it.
Bush: Well...
Dick: I'll let you fly the jet again...
Bush: Really?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

So who do we want calling the shots, a bumbling buffoon with the attention span of an 8-year-old? Or a paranoid schizophrenic with a penchant for blowing things up? I say neither, we gotta impeach ‘em both. And now.

In the Dark: It's a Secret!
Dreyfuss: The Vice Squad
Patriotism vs. Paranoia
Globe: Secrecy is Cheney’s Hallmark
Shakes: President Cheney? *shudder*
Attyhood: The Growing Paranoia of Dick Cheney
Newsweek: Inside Cheney’s dark, secretive mindset

“Secrecy and a free, democratic government don’t mix.” – Harry S. Truman

[return to DAYS home]

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

I'm so disappointed in you Zacarias Moussaoui. How can you even try to call yourself a martyr? You tried to be part of the team, but you just couldn't cut it could you? You had dreams of 72 virgins but, after popping off in flight school, you were left on the sidelines on the day of the big game, weren't you? You then had a rare second chance at martyrdom, this time in the courtroom, but you couldn't even convince 12 strangers you were evil enough to warrant execution. Really, that's just sad.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Evil poseur and big fat failure.

And what did you have to say for yourself at the end of it all?
"America you lost!" Moussaoui shouted as he left the courtroom. He clapped his hands and shouted, "I won!"
Oh yeah? Try telling Rocco in cellblock D you're a 'winner' as he's 'welcoming' you to the big house. Seriously Zac, get a life -- in prison. Ya loser.

The Internet is big. Here's a shorter version.
1. Shorter Vanity Fair: Dick Cheney is fucking nuts. (Spud has more over at Shakes place)
2. Speaking of Cheney, Stephen Pizzo reminds us of Big Dick's super-secret Energy Task Force meetings back in '01 and implores Congress to investigate them now. These are the meetings that probably laid the groundwork for the Iraq invasion, led to today's soaring gas prices, and helped to line Lee Raymond's massively fat jowels with wads and wads of cash.
3. First-Draft: Normally, news that Bush's approval rating is at 55% would depress me. That is, unless that figure is culled from a poll made up entirely of white, protestant evangelicals. If he's close to losing the majority of that group, he's in a deep pile of WASPy shit.
4. Commenting on his own hypocrisy about the Star Spanglish Banner, Dear Leader says "if we have to hit the imigrints to get em stop singin the nashinal song then dammit we will."
5. Superman is such a dick. (thx ash)

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Dick on the Mic: 'Don't you know i'm loco?'

ON THIS DAY: In 1988 it was revealed that first lady Nancy Reagan regularly consulted with psychics and the Zodiac to help schedule her husband's activities. Today's first lady, Laura Bush, regularly consults with Paxil and Xanax to help deal with her husband's idiocies. Go figure.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Trawling the internets for all the latest political chum.
1. US News reports that our poor wittle pwesident had his feelings hurt by the mean Mr. Colbert. Good. Meanwhile, FOX News complains that the scathing routine was "over the line" and "not very funny." Hey FOX, you know what's over the line? Making jokes about missing WMDs while soldiers are getting blown to bits in a still raging war -- that's over the line. And you know what's not very funny? Horse masturbation jokes. Froomkin, FDL and Atrios/Salon all have more. Go thank the mean Mr. Colbert, wont' you?
2. A lawsuit is forcing the details of convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff's White House visits
to be released. This is good news but I swear, if Jack's visits mysteriously match up with Gannon's visits, I'm throwing in the f'ing towel. It'll just be too much. I mean, it won't be as head-spinning as the Director of the CIA tied up with defense contractors and crooked congressmen in a 'hookers for influence' scandal emanating from the the Watergate hotel, but my head will probably still explode. And besides, that hooker thing would never happen, right?. Uhhhhh, yeah.
3. Raw Story: Apparently, that whole 'Valerie Plame wasn't working on anything important' argument just went up in smoke. Turns out she was working on Iran's nuclear program. The little man inside my head who wears the tin-foil mittens thinks maybe Plame was coming up with all the wrong answers prompting Cheney to place an order to "out the bitch". Sounds like something he'd say, no?
4. The Republican Congress backed off its ridiculous idea to bribe gas-weary Americans with crisp Ben Franklins. The idea was basically this: "Worried about gas prices? Here's a $100. Now STFU." I realize they've been basically fu*king us the last six years, but must they so blatantly treat us like whores? I kinda wish it had gone through though, just so we could partake in Dark Wraith's brilliant plan.

5. With a placenta-munching Tom Cruise getting ready to attack Manhattan for the premiere of mi3IIIii (or whatever) this week, the summer movie season has begun. The NYDN gives us this handy preview. The only thing you really need to know? 'Snakes on a Plane' opens August 18. That's right, Snakes on a MotherF'ing Plane. Deal with it.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

ON THIS DAY: In 2004, Poland establishes May 2nd as Flag Day, reminding us all never to forget Poland again.

I think I've come up with a softer, gentler way to break the latest poll numbers to Dear Leader:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting French Lick-alicious baby.

Maybe he'll get confused and just think we're telling him he's got a great jump shot. Should soften the blow, no? It's kinder than having Colbert tell him, that's for sure.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Happy Mission Accomplished Day! A full flight deck of fun awaits below!
1. Best place to start? ThinkProgress of course. They take a look at the numbers since Commander Codpiece's photo-stunt. They also inform us that Scotty McCllelan proclaimed today that 'We Are On the Way to Accomplishing the Mission.' Guess that was too long for the banner, eh?
2. E&P looks back at the state of things three years ago by zeroing in on the NY Times coverage of the event. MediaMatters provides a full rundown of how the rest of the fawning and fellating media covered it. (WARNING: You'll need to take a shower after you're through.)
3. Media Needle gives us a unique presidential POV from the cockpit that day.
4. The General points out that the preznit has proclaimed today Loyalty Day. How very Dictatorish of him. When will the children line up to sing their praises to Dear Leader? Oh, they already did that? Nevermind.
5. But it's not just Loyalty Day, no sirree. FDL points out that Bush has also proclaimed today 'Law Day'. Good strategy, distract us from that giant smoking banner with the concepts of Loyalty and Law. One problem President McFlightSuit: You're the biggest lawbreaker in the land. Mr. Greenwald has more.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Can we get an 'Impeachment Accomplished' banner ready?

ON THIS DAY: In 2003... uhhhh, see above.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?