DAYS

ROUND TWO: CAN WE GET A DO-OVER?
By all mainstream media accounts, Friday night's second presidential debate was a draw, setting the stage for a winner-take-all showdown this Wednesday night and some mighty fine TV. Of course, that's the mainstream media's opinion. They want this thing to go down to the wire. After all, ratings are king, right?

Public opinion doesn't seem to have changed much after the second head-to-head between these two men. Whomever you aligned yourself with going in, was who you no doubt thought won this contest. If I were one of these so-called 'undecideds', the Spin Hall presented on Friday night wouldn't have cleared things up for me at all. Friday night was an excercise in avoidance. A perfect example of how to fill 90 minutes without saying anything. The fact of the matter is, we're in a deadlock.

Bush managed a better showing in round two than he did during his Nixonian performance in round one, but how could he not? The president is now getting credit for limiting his facial ticks and for pronouncing names correctly... talk about lowering the bar. And Kerry apparently has a plan, although I don't remember hearing much about it on Friday night. The senator sure does seem to know a lot of people though! Sheesh John, name drop much?

What else did we learn from Friday night's debate?

• Bush was definitely more engaged. In fact, the guy looked like he'd sucked down a case of Red Bull before he leapt on stage. Please stop screaming at me Mr. President.
• There is apparently more than one Internet, at least in Bush's dreamy little world.
• Canada is a third-world country. Canadian drugs can kill. (well yeah, everyone knows Canada's got the good shit.)
• Kerry tried once again to dispel his flip-flop image... unfortunately, with more flip floppery. Damn you Senator Confusion!
• Bush taught us all about an open government when he answered a question by saying, "I'm not telling." He then dropped to the floor and began rolling around in tantrum. Don't worry, it was a totally presidential tantrum.
• Shocker #1: The president does not like to be criticized. Wonkette summed up W's attitude thusly: "Stop fucking with me! Stop it! Stop fucking with me!"
• Kerry did the read-my-lips thing... uh oh: "Right into the camera, yes. I am not going to raise taxes." That sound you here is Bush Sr. laughing his ass off.
• At least half the American people either don't care about or don't realize how bad the president's grammar is: "My opponent thought there was weapons there." Ugh.
• Bush did not forget Poland... but Poland forgot Bush.
• Bush will appoint Supreme Court justices based on whether or not they vote for him. Well, duh. Didn't we already know this? I mean, there's a reason Scalia gets hold on to his seat in perpetuity.
• I believe Bush accused Kerry of wearing green eyeshade... which would be fine if Kerry hadn't been wearing a navy suit. Clash!
• Shocker #2: The president has never done a single thing wrong. He's infallible, even if he can't spell infallible.
• Bush: Even though "it's pretty simple" it's still "hard work." Kerry: "It's never quite as simple as the president wants you to believe." Bush=Simpleton. Kerry=Pussy. Vote for pussy!
• Um, yes Mr. President, you DO own a timber company. And yes, a big, thick block of wood would come in quite handy right now. Jackass.
• Shocker #3: Both candidates distorted the truth. NO WAY!
  

Boring Version: Full Transcript.
Not-so-boring Version: Wonkette's LiveBlogging.

The "Lies Scorecard" (thanks AM!).