DAYS

BUSH UNPLUGGED
Recognizing the rousing success of last year's Social Security Road Show, President Bush embarked on another tour yesterday, this time to promote his Iraq strategy... wait, hold on, that's not right. Let's try this again.

Ahem: Completely ignoring the utter failure of last year's Social Security Road Show, President Bush embarked on another tour yesterday, this time to promote his Iraq War, erm, strategy.

The event in Louisville, was billed as a no-holds-barred town hall in which regular Joes and Janes from the audience would be allowed to ask unscripted questions of the president. No pre-screened questions, just genuine queries from an audience of average American citizens. Of course, each audience member was probably forced to sign a 'loyalty oath' before entering the hall. Probably had to give to the Scooter Libby Defense Fund too. As Keith Olbermann pointed out, if you pre-screen the audience, you don't need to pre-screen the questions. Genius!

'Sir, why is it that you are the best president ever?'

But don't let me jump to conclusions, you be the judge. Here's a quick sampling of the 'tough, unscripted' questions asked of President Talking Point at yesterday's Louisville Love-in.

Q: I'd like to ask, recently in the media, you've been catching a lot of flak about that National Security Agency thing. There's people in our states and there's people that are in D.C. that will take and jeopardize what I feel is our national security and our troops' safety today for partisan advantage, for political advantage. They're starting an investigation in the Justice Department about the -- looking into this, where these leaks came from. Is the Justice Department going to follow through and, if necessary, go after the media to take and get the answers and to shut these leaks up?

Yes, that's exactly the problem with a president who ignores law and spies on his own citizens illegally and en masse: The media reporting on it. Surely, if everyone would just shut the fuck up about it, everything would be ok. And really, why beat around the shrub in your question sir? Just say "there's DEMOCRATS that are in D.C. that will take and jeopardize our troops safety." Cuz 'dem evil Democrats? They hate 'dem some troops.

Q: Mr. President, we hear a common expert opinion all the time that the terrorists are going to attack us -- it's not a question of whether, it's a question of when. And, yes, that might happen. But the facts are that since 9/11 we haven't had any, so thank you. (Applause.)

Um, nice question. More like praise, but, you know, why quibble on particulars? By the way, I've been in my apartment for over four years and I have yet to have a fire here. Which I think makes me the best damn fire prevention specialist there ever was!

Q: President Bush, I've been an educator in five states for 36 years. Right up there with national security I think is the issue of education of every single person in the United States. It's of crucial importance to our future. And given the challenges in the world, the fact that we have to keep this nation secure in the future, and that we have to deal with all sorts of threats -- many of which we don't know -- what do you think we need to do better in education to provide a well educated citizenry that will meet those challenges and keep us secure?

Uh, Mr. President, how can I tie the one thing people, for some reason, still seem to believe you're good at, security, to your failed education initiative?

Q: How is it that the people of Iraq when polled have more hope about their future than the rest of the -- than the rest of the world has, with regard to what we're doing in Iraq?

Because the ones that have been polled are the ones that haven't been blown up, that's how.

Q (from a 7-year-old boy): How can people help on the war on terror?
THE PRESIDENT: One way people can help as we're coming down the pike in the 2006 elections, is remember the effect that rhetoric can have on our troops in harm's way, and the effect that rhetoric can have in emboldening or weakening an enemy.

Hey, you know what really harms the troops? Supplying them with third-rate body armor and sending them into war without a plan does you son of a bitch.


Meet the amazing Talking Point Robo-President! Just feed him a question and watch him go!
(Robo-FirstLady approaches from the left. Batteries required.)

MORE
C&L: Praise the Leader
Shake's Sis: Blah. Blah. Blah.
Bush: 'I'm not making this up' (VV)
WTFisitnow?: 'Go ahead. See if I care.'
The Spud: Don't even go there Malkin. (sis)