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Sunday, July 16, 2006

HOW I'VE SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION
As many of you may have noticed, I've been a bit AWOL from the politics of late. Frankly, after almost three straight years of pointing out how big a collection of incompetent pricks Bush and his cronies have been, I needed the break. The Chronicle's Mark Morford summed up my condition best I think in a column earlier this month titled 'George W. Bush Is Dead to Me':

"It is like some sort of virus. It is like some sort of weird and painful rash on your face that makes you embarrassed to walk out the door and so you sit there day after day, waiting for it to go away, slathering on ointment and Bactine and scotch. And yet still it lingers. Some days the pain is so searing and hot you want to cut off your own head with a nail file.

George W. Bush is just like that.

Everyone I know has had enough. Everyone I know is just about done.There is this threshold of happy deadened disgust, this point where the body simply resigns itself to the pain, a point where the disease, the poison has seeped so deeply into the bones that you just have to laugh and shrug it all off and go for a drink. Or 10."
That's pretty much how I started to feel as June rolled around. Thankfully, the World Cup was there just in the nick of time to provide a distraction, as well as a proper forum for downing those 10 drinks.

As I detox and plug back into the world, I see that things have gotten much, much better. The Middle East seems calmer than ever. Iraq is on the upswing. Gas prices have dropped significantly. Ann Coulter seems rational, as does North Korea. And Bush seems to be a changed man. Really, things seem great. I'm so glad to be back.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting ... and then I woke up and felt just like this kid.

Honestly, I'm not sure where to begin, things are pretty f'ed up right now. Through it all remains one constant though: George W. Bush is a complete boob. As the flames of war lick up toward the apocalypse, what's on his beautiful little mind? The succulent pig he's having for dinner of course.



Then again, maybe he's just not that concerned about all this. Could it be that he's just a tad excited even? It seems possible, given his evangelical leanings. Think I'm nuts? The debate over at the 'Rapture Ready' message board is whether or not it's ok to be excited by all that's happening in the Middle East right now. You know, death, destruction, mayhem, World War III. The prevailing opinion? Yes, it is ok to be excited. Why? Because God's in charge, that's why.

Here's an actual quote from a user on the board (since removed after blogwide scorn):

"I too am soooo excited!! I get goose bumps, literally, when I watch what's going on in the M.E.!! You were so right when saying it was quite a day yesterday, in the world news, and I add in local news here in the Boston area!! Tunnel ceiling collapsed on a car and killed a woman of faith, and we had the most terrifying storms I have ever seen here!! But, yes, Ohappyday, like in your screen name , it is most indeed a time to be happy and excited, right there with ya!!"
Man, where is the Flying Spaghetti Monster when you need him? He could probably slap some sense into these folks, no?

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And who knew Betty & Veronica were so Rapture Ready?

I'm so glad I decided to plug back in just in time to witness all this rational thought. Jeebus. There's much more to cover of course, but that seems to be enough for now. All this talk of the rapture has me hungry for...

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... a dirty movie? Hmmm, that seems odd.
(oh come on! that panel is begging for it!)

All kidding aside, no matter what you're opinion of the current conflict, pray (if you must) that cooler heads prevail. And whatever you do, don't get excited. Please. I'm looking at you Mr. President, you goofy, fundamentalist bastard.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Only the Rapture will save his ass.

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