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Monday, January 24, 2005

WAIT, HE REALLY DID WIN?? F*CK.
I've kind of been hoping I'd wake up and realize it was all just a big 'ol nightmare, but all that excessive pomp and pageantry oozing from the Beltway last Thursday kind of confirmed it – we really do have to deal with this shit for four more years.

Over the weekend, a friend of mine asked me if I was going to blog anything about the festivities. He told me he was interested in my opinion of W's crowning, but I honestly haven't been able to come up with anything other than, "pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbtttttttt!"

Yep, that's pretty much how I felt. Sure, I was upset about the seemingly unnecessary excess of the parties and balls, the contrast of fur coats and mink stolls against bloodied uniforms, and the fact that Cheney chose the Ashcroft-penned "Let the Eagles Soar" to be played during his swearing in. But still, all that pretty much led to was a big 'ol "pbbbbbbbbbbbbttt!" But then I saw the cover of The Stranger, the alternative Seattle weekly that, in a roundabout way, birthed this blog, and it pretty much summed up how I was feeling:

For a larger version, go here.

I didn't watch the ceremony (what am I, a masochist?), but I was excited when the first headlines of Bush's speech appeared: 'Bush Sworn In, Vows End to Tyranny.' I thought, 'hey, maybe he's changing his ways!' I quickly realized however that he was talking about other people's tyranny, not his own. Damn.

Reaction to the speech from across the country was varied, depending primarily on the color of one's state. Some heard a speech that demonstrated unwavering strength in the face of terrorism. Others heard the sound of unwanted war drums beating in Iran and other havens of 'evil' across the globe. And still others heard an idealistic fantasy short on real-world details. ('How are you going to accomplish all that Mr. President?' 'Well, by blowing more stuff up of course!') Again, I missed the speech myself so I can't really say, but I'm pretty certain freedom was a theme. And liberty, don't forget liberty.

And of course what would a Bush appearance be without the protests? They didn't get much coverage, but they were certainly there. Thousands of protestors lined the parade route to boo, throw things or simply turn their backs on the president as he passed by. A few groups, including Code Pink, who has made a habit of crashing Bush's parties, were even able to infiltrate and interrupt W's speech, rising from their seats to shout a few anti-war phrases before being beaten to hell with bags of money carried by the president's supporters. Because we loony lefties love to prop up our fellow loonies, here's a few choice protest photos:


'Ok, anyone holding a symbolic,
homemade coffin, please move to
the back row. Thank you.'


That's how to say it if you don't want the FCC
to arrest your ass.


A Dick in a Limo: 'Look, they're greeting us with
flowers and candy! Oh wait, that's a snowball...
Go fuck yourselves, all of you!!'

But the protests were certainly not the biggest story to come out of president's coronation celebration, no sirreeee. And it wasn't the speech that made the most noise around the world either. No, that title went to none other than Jenna Bush and her confusing sign language. The first twin's hand gesture in the following photo apparently translates into a whole mess of different things, depending on where you live in the world. Either Jenna worships the devil, she's calling her dad's own bullshit, or she loves her Longhorns.

Confusing yes, but let me clear this up for everyone: Jenna is simply a proud, fun-loving, sometimes drunk, University of Texas alum – her dad is the one aligned with mighty Lucipher.
Glad we got that straightened out.

And finally, for your viewing pleasure, and because I'm too lazy to come up with anything more, Days presents the George W. Bush Inaugural Photo Album. Enjoy.


From Halliburton's coffers direct to God. Ahhh, the circle of life.


'Seriously, can you please clear your crap out of the office?'


'What could I do, my wife is crazzzzzzzy!'


'Hehehe... you said 'duty'.'


'Oh Grandpa, you're so funny... do you even know what a dirty sanchez is??'


'Wheeeeeeeeee! Tippy hat! Tippy hat!'


'Don't impugn my integrity or I swear to almighty god I will kick your ass.'


Bush sees the Jesus float roll by.


'Anyone up for a little light torture?'


'This sucks. When's your coke guy gonna show?'


'Later tonight, you and me are doing it blue-state style baby...'


'Dude! Do not spill my drink!'


Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?


The world reacts: 'Rut a frucking rasshore.'

MORE
The Daily Show: The Re-Oathening
Mark Fiore:
Inaugural Roadmap
Jib Jab: Second Term
Wonkette: Inaugural LiveBlogging
WA Post: What did that speech mean?
Village Voice:
Eve of Destruction
SMH: The Emperor of Vulgarity...
... and John Kerry as The Bridesmaid.



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