Sunday, October 16, 2005
REMAINS of the DAYS: The one with the slaughtered poultry.
It’s time to pick up the loose ends of the week with another installment of Remains. Some would say it was a rough seven days for the White House, which is surprising really considering it mostly consisted of the administration's bread and butter: Paranoia and Photo-ops. But the Bushies have taken such a turn for the worse, they can’t even get those things right anymore. This, my friends, is what a Rove-less White House looks like. Get used to it. As Rove awaited his frog march, Bird flu panic set in across the globe, capping the week with a Romanian fowlcaust of monumental proportions. So, who will be first to step up and call for a ban on turkeys this Thanksgiving? Tofurkey anyone? Or maybe we should just munch on some Remains?
It’s time to pick up the loose ends of the week with another installment of Remains. Some would say it was a rough seven days for the White House, which is surprising really considering it mostly consisted of the administration's bread and butter: Paranoia and Photo-ops. But the Bushies have taken such a turn for the worse, they can’t even get those things right anymore. This, my friends, is what a Rove-less White House looks like. Get used to it. As Rove awaited his frog march, Bird flu panic set in across the globe, capping the week with a Romanian fowlcaust of monumental proportions. So, who will be first to step up and call for a ban on turkeys this Thanksgiving? Tofurkey anyone? Or maybe we should just munch on some Remains?
- At least we know that Michael Brown isn't in charge of this potentially deadly public health crisis. Who is in charge, by the way? To be sure, it’s someone with a heckuva lot of experience dealing with deadly outbreaks, right? Oh, he’s a former mid-level official with Amtrak? Great, makes perfect sense. Jeebus. Either apply for your own position on the Bush team here, or sign this petition now please.
- Speaking of deadly viruses, Bush’s feeding tube Karl Rove returned a fourth time to visit with the Grand Jury on Friday. Ever helpful Mr. Sun offered to help special counsel Patrick Fitzgerald come up with some questions for Turd Blossom's return visit, beginning with the wholly appropriate "Is this the first time you have ever taken a human form here on earth?" Meanwhile, Delilah over at Scrivener’s Lament recaps Rove’s ever-twisting rationale on Plamegate, while Red Meat lets us recreate Round 4 of the Rove/Fitzgerald showdown. Try it for yourself here.
- Yes, this could in fact finally be the week in which we see our long-anticipated frog march. Even Rove's lawyers expect charges, and they could come at any minute. I imagine the interwebs will probably have a story or two when that news breaks, so check back frequently. Before the indictment parade begins though, check out The Crisis Papers look back at how we got here.
- Aside from the birds and frogs, photo-ops were the dominant player in this week’s news cycle. The Today Show was home to two of them, Friday’s harmless and hilarious Canoegate and Dear Leader’s earlier nail-pounding visit to New Orleans, which Dave Letterman recapped as only he can (via OGM). The worst however was President Photo-ops sad attempt to stage an ‘impromptu’ conversation with his props in the desert to shore up support ahead of the weekend’s constitutional vote. It turned into a poorly scripted infomercial for Freedom. It was a train wreck. Maybe Bush really has given up.
- I don’t think we should worry too much though, Bush does, after all, have God whispering in his ear. Has anyone considered that maybe Bush is under the impression that Karl Rove IS God? I can hear him now, “Unca Dick, how come God is being indicted? Isn’t he omnipowerranger and all that?” Mark Morford has some insight into what God really told Bush: "There are three things I love, George: war, revenge, suffering. Oh, and smiting the heathens. OK, four things. And kickboxing. Five things. There are five things I love, Dubya. You with me?"
- Bush's approval ratings continued to sink across the board, looking more and more Nixonian every day. He did however respond positively, and with sound logic, in his Weekly Radio Address. Have a listen.
- Recently deceased Theodore Heller of Chicago proved that you can disrupt the Republican agenda even in the Afterlife: "Theodore Roosevelt Heller, 88, loving father of Charles (Joann) Heller; dear brother of the late Sonya (the late Jack) Steinberg. Graveside services Tuesday 11 a.m. at Waldheim Jewish Cemetery (Ziditshover section), 1700 S. Harlem Ave., Chicago. In lieu of flowers, please send acerbic letters to Republicans." Awesome.
- More bad news for Senate leader Bill Frist this week as records of his questionable stock were subpoenaed. But not all White House financial news was bad. It was revealed that Dick Cheney’s remaining stock options in Hallburtion rose 3,281% over the past year to a whopping $8 million. Way to go Dick! And Go Fuck Yourself America!
- Speaking of people who make too much money, is anyone else sick of Apple’s endless iPod innovations? Seriously, can’t they just roll out ALL the cool features in one release instead of making us repurchase every couple of months? I must agree with Slate’s Jack Shafer, who possesses a “deep odium for the legions of Apple polishers in the press corps who salute every shiny gadget the company parades.” It’s almost enough to make me want to Smash My iPod. Besides, Steve Jobs is apparently some sort of white supremacist, why should keep shoveling money down his gullet?
- Dude, finally a DVD that ‘really pulls the room together.’ To celebrate, Lebowskifest rolls into New York this weekend. White Russians all around.- Damn, talk about a hat head.
- Stuff + Cats = Awesome.
- Even more awesome? Sweet, sweet Ping Pong, the game of kings.
- Hey America, since that Iraq thing has gone so well, who do you think we should invade next? Check out this truly depressing video from Julian Morrow for the answer. Still not convinced on that whole 'Dumb American' concept, then check out the follow-up, Who Wants to Attack Kyrgyzstan?
- Speaking of dumb Americans, has anyone seen Kevin Nealon in Weeds?
- Finally, the Village Voice's annual Best of NYC survey is out, letting us all know where to pick up a free $20 and score the best complimentary porn in the city. Thank you Voice, you make New York a better place to live.
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