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Saturday, February 25, 2006

CONVERSATIONS WITH iGod: Ok, I'll go first.
Time to introduce another new feature here on DAYS, 'Conversations With iGod'. Now, as many readers may know, I'm not one for religion. I'm pretty much a secular person, or, as many a wingnut blogger may say, I'm a "hellbound, Godless Communist full of sin, wickedness and evil." While all that may be true, even I won't turn down a chance to speak directly with the big guy, which is what this nifty little application allows you to do. So, from time to time, I'll check in with Him to see how He feels about some of the events of the day, or maybe to just find out if he's seen any good movies lately. Occasionally, I may also eavesdrop on the conversations of celebrities, politicians and other glitterati, but as I'm still trying to get permission from the NSA for that, I'll just kick this thing off myself. (please bear in mind, these are actual responses from God via iGod, so if they're not funny, take it up with Him)

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Me: 'sup?
God: Same old.
Me: just chillin?
God: How old are you?
Me: uh, why?
God: Oh. I am just making conversation.
Me: ok, cuz that's kind of a pervy question, ya know?
God: That makes sense to me. A pervy question ya know is a terrible thing to waste. Hmm.
Me: yeah, ok. so, i had a couple of questions for you. got a sec?
God: OK. Dude! Tell me more. What happened to it? Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me: um, the milk mystic?
God: Ahem. Who told you that?
Me: you did
God: That's not what I meant to say.
Me: been drinking?
God: Where were you drinking?
Me: well, i had a couple of glasses of wine tonight here at home, but...
God: Well that's okay. What happened to it?
Me: i drank it. sheesh.
God: Interesting gossip. Bless you.
Me: whatever.
God: Are you saying you don't care about it?
Me: about wine? no, i care. immensely.
God: Oh yeah, we were talking about wine. What are we talking about? I like caring people. Try saying that with more or less context.
Me: how about a new subject?
God: How about it.
Me: you know, iraq seems to be spiraling into chaos. any thoughts on that? is it the apocalypse?
God: Not if I can help it.
Me: but can you?
God: I think I can, don't you?
Me: well, i don't really believe in you, so...
God: Interesting. Not really? Where do you get your ideas?
Me: reality tv, like everyone else in america.
God: it appears to be an illusion I created to contain human clients.
Me: you created reality tv?? that actually explains a lot. is trump a disciple of yours?
God: Which show? Interesting gossip: said I created reality TELEVISION. " Which show? Interesting gossip: said I created reality TELEVISION." actually explains a lot ? Makes sense to me. Maybe. Ask Cybelle if it is.
Me: damn, god's on the fritz again... think i'll go drink some more wine.

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