Wednesday, December 21, 2005
REMAINS of the DAYS: The one where straphangers are SOL.
Ahhhh, New York City, always keeping us on our toes. That phrase can be taken quite literally this week, as the first transit strike in 25 years has forced most New Yorkers to pound the pavement. Me? I didn't even change out of pajamas today. I'm one of the lucky ones who can do his job from home. But this is hell on those who actually need to get to their job to do their jobs, so work it out fast you greedy bastards. It's not fair to the city you serve. But hey, these are the things that make living here so damn exciting, just as flying babies, mouthy (but busty!) baseball wives, and record-breaking snowball fights do. In fact, according to New York magazine, there are at least 100 reasons to love living in Gotham. Reason #1? "Because Bush isn't our fault." Of course, since he's surely monitoring this post, I should probably just get to the good stuff. Ladies and gentleman, the last Remains of 2005. Enjoy it before you head out on your 3-hour, 70-block walk to work tomorrow morning. Ugh.
Ahhhh, New York City, always keeping us on our toes. That phrase can be taken quite literally this week, as the first transit strike in 25 years has forced most New Yorkers to pound the pavement. Me? I didn't even change out of pajamas today. I'm one of the lucky ones who can do his job from home. But this is hell on those who actually need to get to their job to do their jobs, so work it out fast you greedy bastards. It's not fair to the city you serve. But hey, these are the things that make living here so damn exciting, just as flying babies, mouthy (but busty!) baseball wives, and record-breaking snowball fights do. In fact, according to New York magazine, there are at least 100 reasons to love living in Gotham. Reason #1? "Because Bush isn't our fault." Of course, since he's surely monitoring this post, I should probably just get to the good stuff. Ladies and gentleman, the last Remains of 2005. Enjoy it before you head out on your 3-hour, 70-block walk to work tomorrow morning. Ugh.
- While Bush watches us, we watch the penguins. Yep, seems like a fair trade. I will gladly swap my personal liberties for the right to penguin gawk non-stop. They appear a little shifty anyway... I even think I saw one of 'em reading Mao the other day. Perhaps someone should alert the president.
- An instant classic from SNL: 'You thinking what I'm thinking? NARNIA!' (Does anyone want to hit up Magnolia and mack on some cupcakes with me? Hardcore!)
- More from SNL: Parents, don't let your children anywhere near this Dick's lap.
- Everyone loves outtakes, even in the middle of global jihad. Check out Osama on The Family Guy.
- My god, Sgt. Mahoney's an arrogant prick. Who knew?! I think Tackleberry needs to be called inf or a little attitude adjustment asap.
- The latest from JibJab offers a look back on on an eventful 2-0-5 for George W.
- My favorite headline of the last few weeks? This one, from Le Figaro: Bush, Beijing Share Pleasure over Taiwan Elections (oh my)
- Last week was a big one for democracy as millions of Iraqis dodged bullets and bombs to cast their votes, and kudos to them for that. The tricky thing about democracy though? You can't control the outcome. That's not to say the Bushies haven't tried to catapult the propaganda in their favor, but despite best efforts, initial results of the vote appear to reveal an Iraqi electorate driven primarily by two things: 1) Religion (imagine that!) and 2) A shared desire to boot the US from their country. Good thing we sacrificed all those lives and stuff. Call me crazy, but somehow I don't think that's what the neocons had in mind when they launched their war. TDS, still on its game, has more on the election. And where does all that purple ink come from anyway?
- Damn you Jimmy Carter. How is anyone supposed to take you seriously when you let stories like this slip? A few weeks ago I was singing your praises, but stories about extraterrestrial epiphanies and irrational bunny paranoia sure do make it tough. Ahhh peanuts.
- Were off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oil!
- In 2005, Congress took on some of society's greatest evils -- steroids in baseball, college football monopolies, Bruce Springsteen, you name it. They had their collective eye on the ball all year long, yet even those tiring, taxing, relentless battles couldn't keep our legislators from making some time to debate the all-important War on Christmas before heading home for the holidays. Despite this obvious dedication, Sister Shakes and others don't seem to think they're working hard enough. And at least one congressman, John D. Dingel, agrees. And in a poetic way, no less!
- As the War on Christmas rages on, Mr. Sun and his gritty, embedded reporter keep us abreast of the news from the front. An excerpt: "Things fall apart. The centre cannot hold. I am one of them now. We head upriver in utter anarchy. We head for the lost City of Elves. We head for Santa." (check out all the dispatches here)
- It's funny how different cultures celebrate the same holiday, isn't it? In New Zealand, the Christmas spirit apparently involves marauding bands of drunk, urinating Santas. Wait, that's actually not all that different from how we celebrate Christmas at my house. So, um, nevermind.
- Where is the bell? Can't hear the bell? Ding! Fries are done. (a BK Holiday)
- Swing Santa! Swing!
- Dear New Orleans, eat my gingerbread suckas! Hahahahaha. Love, Laura. (Worker 3116)
- Finally, on a more sober note, don't forget to help out those in need this season and every season. In particular, victims of the South Asia earthquake are still in dire need of assistance of all kinds. Go here to help. Also, Katrina victims and the Gulf Coast are still in need. Please help if you can.
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