Sunday, April 30, 2006
If you haven't seen Stephen Colbert's performance at last night's White House Correspondents Dinner, do yourself a favor and watch it now. Right now. Best thing I've seen in weeks, months, years even. Go here or click the image below. (courtesy OGM)
Stephen Colbert has gigantic balls.
UPDATE: For a full, unedited version, in 3 parts, use these. Like it big? Go here.
I'm guessing Bush didn't even get half the jokes Colbert dropped, but he knew they were all at his expense. And he was not happy. Early reports of Colbert's performance seemed to indicate that he had bombed. But what those reports fail to mention is that nobody was laughing because the room was filled with the very same people (Bush & the press corps) that Colbert was eviscerating. Of course no one was laughing, they were too busy being ripped a new asshole. Shakes and her team sum it up best, and provide us with this kick-ass graphic to boot.
And since we're celebrating Mr. Colbert, do yourself a favor and watch his audition tape for Bush's press secretary as well as his devastating interview with Neocon poster boy Bill Kristol. Great stuff.
Oh, and whoever's idea this was?
Not funny. Not funny at all. Isn't one bad enough?
OGM: Full video
Kos: Complete transcript
TMV: A reaction round-up
Daou: The media's power to choose the news.
As I stood in the sunshine at Union Square yesterday observing thousands march down Broadway toward City Hall, a man with a camera asked me why I was there. I responded, 'because the men in the White House are extremely dangerous.' The man with the camera said, 'that's exactly what Dan Ellsberg just said'. Funny that.
On Broadway, 4.29.06
Of course, it was Ellsberg's leak of the Pentagon Papers in the 1971 that helped turn an already anxious and angry public fully against the war in Vietnam. It wasn't just the hippies and yippies who had been protesting Vietnam action en masse, Nixon's own 'silent majority' finally turned against him. While the tide didn't turn soon enough to prevent him from winning a second term in '72, the seeds were sown with Ellsberg's leak.
At yesterday's march, I got into a discussion with someone on the sidelines about the effect these types of actions have. He presented the oft-used argument that these types of marches, because they are typically portrayed as only being joined by 'freaks, hippies, communists and lesbians', make it more difficult to attract the mainstream into the anti-war, anti-Bush fold. Frankly, I'm tired of that argument. The marchers I saw yesterday were the mainstream. They were stroller-pushing mothers and fathers, fed-up grandmothers, churchgoers, grocey-store clerks, construction workers, artists, accountants and veterans. This is not a 'fringe element', this is 70% of the country, a clear majority. And it isn't silent.
That ol' silent majority.
So when do we start camping out on the White House lawn?
By the way, in the wake of Ellsberg's leak of the Pentagon Papers, Nixon's 'plumbers' raided Ellsberg's psychiatrist's office in an attempt to discredit and smear him publicly. The raid later became an important piece of the Watergate scandal which ultimately took down the Nixon presidency. Funny that, no?
He so is a crook.
NYDN: An Army of Protestors
Lassiter: Massive, beautiful and powerful
American Stories: Marching here, fleeing there
UC Berkley: Vietnam War multimedia timeline
Friday, April 28, 2006
This came, out of nowhere, from my Dad today. He's mad.
Ok, my dad's pissed -- these guys are toast. And he's not only pissed, he's right. If I see one more goddam Hummer on the streets, I'm gonna go all Cheney and shoot someone in the face, I swear.*
In 1973 I sat in block long lines to get gasoline for my 1967 Fiat 850 coupe. I sat next to gas guzzling 1960 versions of today’s SUV. As a nation we came together and said never again. Never again would we put ourselves into the position of being blackmailed by oil. We set standards for fuel efficiency for auto manufacturers at 27.5 mpg. We dropped the speed limit to 55 mph. We appointed an Energy Czar. We went to year-round daylight savings.
33 years later – 7 presidents ago – how are we doing?
We never even got close to forcing mpg on the auto manufacturers. In fact, they somehow were able to exempt larger trucks, which turned into SUVs, from any standard. The speed limit is back. No one is in charge of energy.
Why not? Who is to blame? The government? The oil producing nations? The oil companies? I don’t think so.
We’re to blame! For not holding our elected officials accountable for the shortsighted, look the other way implementation of policies that would have weaned us off our dependence on oil, made us a stronger country and spared the ravaging of our environment.
Look at that truck next to you during rush hour. You know, the one that sits so high you can only see the transmission. How did we let that happen? People shouldn’t be able to buy such a monstrosity.
I’m Mad and I don’t know what to do. Do you?
Hey, if we're gonna go after all the big fat gas guzzling pigs, can we start with this one?
** thank you Free W'burg**
House Speaker and Huge Guzzlepig Dennis Hastert of Ill., center, gets out of a Hydrogen Alternative Fueled automobile, left, as he prepares to board his SUV, which uses gasoline, after holding a news conference at a local gas station in Washington, Thursday, April 27, 2006 to discuss the recent rise in gas prices. Hastert and other members of Congress drove off in the Hydrogen-Fueled cars only to switch to their official cars to drive the few blocks back to the U.S. Capitol. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)
'Ahhhhhh man, I am so wasted on this stuff. Good shit, isn't it Denny?'
Who's up for a march?
*That was satire. I promise not to actually shoot someone in the face.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
The heading of this post one of the best signs I spotted in DC the last time we marched. This Saturday, we do it again, right here in Gotham. Here's the skinny:
Assemble: 22nd Street and Broadway, 10:30 am
March: At noon down Broadway to Foley Square
Grassroots action festival: 1:00-6:00PM, Foley Square
More info at: www.April29.org
Every time one of these marches or rallies happens, I'm asked why I even bother to participate. People ask, 'what's the point?' Last time, when asked the 'why march?' question, I put together this list in response. It is, by far, the most oft-linked post in DAYS humble little history, even more popular than the 'Bush Is Gay' post. It's a long list, but it's not even close to comprehensive. It was only September that I put that list together, and yet if I were to update it today, it's size would probably double. Scooter Libby, out-of-control gas prices, Civil War in Iraq, domestic eavesdropping, the contemplation of nuclear weapons, etc., etc. Honestly, it would be easier to list reasons NOT to march this Saturday.
But instead of coming up with my own list, this time I'm going to actually do some reporting and talk to the people at the march. I'll ask them why they're marching and what they would say to the president if they had a minute of his precious time. Check back here early next week for some of their answers.
My short answer to the 'why march?' question is that every little action helps, that it's one more note on the increasingly louder drumbeat of dissastisfaction in this country. For years now, Bush's babysitters have done everything in their power to keep Dear Leader in his bubble, away from the indignant hordes. But that bubble is beginning to burst. Whether re-routing his bike rides, forcing him off campus at Stanford, or telling him we're 'ashamed' of him right to his face, the preznit is finally feeling the heat. No doubt, his minders are screaming at each other, "Code Red! Defcon 5! The bubble is getting smaller! Must. Protect. The Boy."
The pressure is building on these guys, they're falling apart. And while it doesn't seem right to wish for one's own government to crumble, this one has to before we can even begin to work on restoring what's been lost.
And if you need a little extra motivation to get fired up -- you know, besides the destruction of our democracy -- look no further than the Granny Peace Brigade.*
You know they'll be in the streets Saturday, and they're half-blind and use walkers. What's your excuse?
Waving canes and white-knuckling their walkers, 18 unrepentant anti-war grannies nixed a plea deal yesterday before going on trial for rallying outside a Times Square recruiting station.
The women, all facing disorderly conduct charges in Manhattan Criminal Court, refused the last-minute deal in which prosecutors offered to dismiss the cases if they stayed out of trouble for six months.
The war in Iraq "is wrong as all getout! And we're against it, and we'll do whatever it takes, whatever we can do to stop it," Marie Runyon, 91, said, waving her cane before entering the courthouse.
By the way, the grannies we're acquitted today. You go Grannies.
DAYS: Why We March
J.Holland: The De-clawed Left
W.R. Pitt: Your Attention Please
Voice: Grandmothers of Invention
Also: Save Darfur rally, Saturday in DC
"To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men."
-- Abraham Lincoln
[return to DAYS home]
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
We got your daily internet chatter right here!
1. Fitzmas, Fitzukah, l'affair d'Plame, etc: Ooooh, I'm getting that tingly feeling again. Truthout is reporting that Karl Rove's volunteer appearance before the Grand Jury today was prompted by receipt of a target letter (i.e. a 'you're about to be indicted' letter) from St. Patrick. Check out the DAYS archives for a refresher on where we left off in this case. Even more useful, the gang at FDL follows every machination of this complex case right here. Put out your milk and cookies everyone, Santa Fitzgerald's coming to town.
2. DNC: I wouldn't normally link to something directly from the Democrats because typically they're just a frustrating pack of spineless cowards, but today's memo to W's new spinmasters, Tony Snow and Josh Bolten, is pretty damn good. Hey, maybe the Dems are finally growing a pair? Once again, a tip 'o the cap to the incomparable Shakespeare's Sister.
3. MediaMatters: Speaking of new press secretary Snow, here's a partial collection of a career's worth of falsehoods and misdirections. Frankly, he's the perfect man for this job.
4. Evan: "Forget bird flu, impeachment is spreading across the nation, state by state."
5. Worker #3116: Do you believe you are retarded? (hilarious site, btw. check it out.)
'I am so fucked.'
ON THIS DAY: In 2001 World Intellectual Property Day was founded. Man, if I had only known, I would've taken the day off. Curses! This year's theme, by the way, is "It Starts With An Idea." Hey, I have an idea, let's impeach the president!
I love when the Bush twins make the gossip pages. This from today's NYDN:
One personal trainer at the Sportsclub/L.A. in Washington, D.C., is sweating even more profusely than usual. During an early-morning class, spinning instructor Glenn Makl went off on a rant against President Bush — even offering a DVD of Bush gaffes to his students. Oops. Among his pupils were Jenna and Barbara Bush. A source tells Heard on the Hill's Mary Ann Akers that club managers apologized profusely to Jenna's chivalrous boyfriend, Henry Hager, who demanded an explanation for Makl's rude behavior.An explanation? You want an explanation? How about the fact that your future father-in-law is a total douche? How's that for an explanation?
'You know, that guy's got a point -- dad is sort of a tool.'
Wonkette, of course, has been all over this. Keep spinning twins!
... what a fucking tool.
That's all I have to say.
Oh, and 32%. That's all.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Psssssst! Hey, what's going on out there? A quick rundown.
1. Shakes: President Bush apes 'Valley Girl' as he talks about Iraq and God's role in his foreign policy. Gag me with a spoon. Like, totally.
2. Brandoland: When Republicans don't get what they want, they take their ball on go home. Literally.
3. Brzezinski: Don't Attack Iran (ThinkProgress has a long list of governmental figures against an Iran attack (i.e. the Sane Ones) here.)
4. Progressive: So a 15-year-old girl from Alabama produces a short animation opposing Bush's war and posts it on the web. In return, she receives e-mails of encouragement and thanks from the left. From the right, she gets this: “It’s people like you who need to fu*king die and get rap*d while your corpse rots in the sun. Fu*k you, I would ja*k off on your parents if I could." And that's only part of one of the e-mails she received. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Bush's base. (ht to Mike at C&L)
5. MediaNeedle: The preznit's idea to ease gas prices? Pollute! Pollute! Pollute! (Morse's caption on the photo is the best; so best in fact that i've re-posted it below. Go check out MediaNeedle, it's a good one.)
Is it just coincidence that everything in this photo resembles a dick? (from MediaNeedle)
UPDATE: Late addition, somehow missed, from D-Ren: DNCDLCDCCCDSCC, listen up.
ON THIS DAY: In 1945 fifty nations gathered at the Conference on International Organizations in San Francisco to begin drafting the United Nations Charter. Somewhere, a young John Bolton heard, got angry and threw a stapler at someone's head.
Monday, April 24, 2006
It's frightening enough to know that a secretive, manipulating madman like Dick Cheney is at the helm of the country, but what about the idea of a secretive, manipulating and raging drunk madman at the controls? Scary, no?
"Damn, light on the whiskey again... can I get a fu*king man's coffee around here please?!"
Just speculating here, 'cuz that's what we leftist loons do best, but let's consider some of the evidence:
PRECEDENT: Dick has had problems with alcohol abuse in the past, going back to his dual DWIs as a young man in Wyoming. These of course occured in between his dropping out of Yale and his receiving a whopping 5 deferments to avoid service in Vietnam.I'm only saying, if the guy who pulls the president's strings, runs our foreign policy and is currently hurtling us toward nuclear war with Iran, is hitting the sauce, I think we ought to know about it. Seems like another reason for the Impeach Cheney movement to go forward, no?
TEMPERMENT: There's the well-reported story that Dick told Sen. Pat Leahy to "go fuck yourself" on the floor of the Senate back in '04. What wasn't widely reported was the fact that he was waving the sharp end of a bottle of Jack, which he had just smashed over Sen. Lieberman's head, in Leahy's face when he said it.
RECENTLY: Last week, Dick went against protocol and insisted on wearing sunglasses during the arrival ceremony of Chinese president Hu Jintao, a total hangover giveaway. Later that morning, Cheney was caught by cameras openly snoozing during Bush and Hu's press briefing.
AND OF COURSE: There's that whole Shooting-His-Friend-in-the-Face thing.
So, to recap...
... maybe someone ought to look into this.
Billmon: System Reboot
LAT: Step Down Cheney
HuffPo: Billion Dollar Cheney
RS: The Curse of Dick Cheney
A quick scan of what's percolating on the internets today.
1. Think Progress: Former CIA official Tony Drumheller on 60 Minutes says the Bush administration ignored intelligence that didn't fit the 'facts' they needed to go to war. (What? No way! To those who are shocked by this, I'll echo Taylor over at FDL: "Welcome to the party.")
2. D-Ren: "President Bush denies making the decision to invade Iraq in advance. In actuality, the decision was made: 1. Without his input 2. 15 years ago 3. By Dick Cheney and Rumsfeld."
3. Real Time: The Bill Maher Children's Choir serenades the Bushies. (via OGM)
4. Mike Carol: Tide Turns on Dubya's Wreck ("It is the George W. Bush ship of fools, stuck in the mud for the world to see in all its mendacity, its incompetence, its faith-based stupidity.")
5. Bonus two-fer! 1115.org looks to the Coen Bros. for inspiration in "Reform? Maybe we should get us some of that?" Over at the Whiskey Bar, Billmon does his Orwell thing as only he can.
Today's Two Minute Hate brought to you by the Ministry of Peace.
ON THIS DAY: In 1967 Gen. William Westmoreland painted a rosy picture of the war in Ira-- Vietnam ("the military picture is favorable"), despite an endless stream of bad news from the jungles. In response to a question with regard to the growing peace movement on the streets, the controversial general said the Communist enemy was “encouraged by what he believes to be popular opposition to our efforts in Vietnam.” Sound familiar? "Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, concluding a four-day trip to Iraq and Afghanistan, said today that critics of the Bush administration's Iraq policy are encouraging terrorists and complicating the ongoing U.S. war on terrorism."
Friday, April 21, 2006
A daily round-up of what's buzzing 'round the interwebs.
1. Stephen Colbert gives us a Happy Earth Day message. (from OGM)
2. Conason: Attacking Iran? Are They Nuts? (Yes. Yes they are.)
3. Milbank: A Host of Indignities (A few things not to do when a head of state visits: Introduce him as his enemy, yank on his jacket as if he were a child, take a nap, allow a protestor to scream in his face. No wonder the summit produced little result. Whatever, they're both fascist dicks anyway.)
4. Norbizness imagines how Bush may have handled President Hu's visit: "Huuuu are you?"
5. Pink: Dear Mr. President (I don't like Pink; at least I didn't until I saw this. Watch it.)
Wake up Mr. VP! Your pants are on fire!
ON THIS DAY: In 1962 The World's Fair in Seattle opened. The space-age themed exhibition relied heavily on the 'Googie' architechtural style, highlighted by the introduction of the Monorail and the opening of the landmark Space Needle. At the time, the 1.2 mile track of the Monorail was touted as the first stage in a revolutionary new form of transit. Today, the track is still only 1.2 miles long. As for the Needle, dinner at the revolving restaurant averaged about $7 when it opened. Today, that much may get you a glass of water at the place. Forty-two years later, my girlfriend would make her first-ever visit to Seattle. When asked by my father, who she was meeting for the first time, what her impressions of the city were, she would answer: "Well, your needle's a lot smaller than I thought it would be." That's my girl.
Oh Harriet, just pack your goth eyeliner and go, won't you? And stop crying George.
That doesn't seem fair, she moved this document through to her boss a full month before the hellfire reigned down on us.
Bush Counsel May Be Next in Shake-Up
Joshua B. Bolten, the new White House chief of staff, has raised the possibility of moving Harriet E. Miers from her job as President Bush's counsel as part of a continuing shake-up of the West Wing.
Mr. Bolten is said by a number of Republicans in Washington to feel that Ms. Miers is indecisive, a weak manager and slow in moving vital paperwork through the system.
8/6/01: 'That word is determined sir. It means, certain. You know, like he's going to do it? Do you understand sir? Sir?'
It's not her fault that 'The Decider' was indecisive on it. Sheesh.
Hmmm, let's see, Karl Rove is 'stripped of his policy portfolio to focus more on politics.' What possibly could that mean? Is he being punished? Has he lost some power? Hell no, Bush's evil brain is simply regaining his focus. His mission? Operation Save The Boy King. Let's face it, Bush isn't a popular president. In fact, what's that I hear? A 35% popularity rating? Damn, that's downright Nixonian. Oh, and what's this? Did someone say 33%?? Wow. Bravo Sir! It's hard work to be that unpopular.
Naturally, it's Rove to the rescue. And with that in mind, imagine if you will, a little musical theatre. Imagine Kingmaker Karl as Glinda, singing in the ear of Bush's Elphaba, to the tune of 'Popular' from the smash Broadway musical, Wicked. Places please everybody, places!
When someone needs a makeover
I simply have to take over
I know I know exactly what they need
And even in your case
Tho' it's the toughest case
I've yet to face
Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed
Follow my lead
And yes, indeed
You will be...
You're gonna be popular!
Everything that really counts
To be popular
I'll help you be popular!
You'll hang with the right cohorts
You'll be good at sports
Know the slang you've got to know
So let's start'
Cause you've got an awfully long way to go
When I see depressing creatures
With unprepossessing features
I remind them on their own behalf
To think of
Celebrated heads of state or
Specially great communicators
Did they have brains or knowledge?
Don't make me laugh!
They were popular!
Please - It's all about popular!
It's not about aptitude
It's the way you're viewed
So it's very shrewd to be
Very very popular
In the end, Glinda failed. So too will Rove, and Bush will melt away. Oz will be free.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
A daily round-up of what's buzzing 'round the Interwebs.
1. Rolling Stone: The Worst President Ever? (Well, yeah. Duh. And who cares if they ripped off an '04 Voice cover, it's just nice to see this shit in mass circulation finally.)
2. Taylor at FDL: And what about Rove? (Think the latest shake-up strips away some of Turd Blossom's power? Better think again.)
3. Pandagon and Digby offer their opinion on Purity Balls. To sum up, "Ewwwwwwwww, just ewwww."
4. Rep. Emerson (R-Mo) is 'puzzled' how the post-script "you're an asshole" ended up on an otherwise cordial letter to one of her constituents. The AP story begins "Nobody expects to get a letter from a member of Congress that ends with an expletive." That's true, those letters typically come from the Vice President.
5. The General has a few thoughts on Scotty's replacement: "All the most loyal candidates are busy avoiding indictments or surfing teenspace.com in the hopes of hooking up during the next Homeland Security drill."
'Ahhhhhhh. Best. Dump. Ever. I'm a free man!'
ON THIS DAY: In 2004, President Bush had this to say about wiretapping: "Now, by the way, any time you hear the United States government talking about wiretap, it requires -- a wiretap requires a court order. Nothing has changed, by the way. (LIE!) When we're talking about chasing down terrorists, we're talking about getting a court order before we do so. (LIE!) It's important for our fellow citizens to understand, when you think Patriot Act, constitutional guarantees are in place when it comes to doing what is necessary to protect our homeland, because we value the Constitution. (LIE!)" ITMFA!
Also on this day, in 1653, Oliver Cromwell dissolved the Rump Parliament. I don't really know what this is, I just really, really wanted to type 'Rump Parliament'.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
So Scott McCllelan has been cut loose, eh? Well thank god, that oughta clean this entire mess right up, no? Honestly, these recent staff changes are the political equivalent of rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. If Scotty could offer comment I'm sure he'd say that it's White House policy not to comment on an ongoing capsizing.
'Good boy! Now go! Run! Be free!'
You know, I always felt kind of sorry for Scotty McCllelan. I know, I know, he's guilty of parroting the many lies of BushCo., he stonewalled, he dissembled, he squirmed, he tap-danced, etc. But I just always had this feeling that Scotty was the poor schlub who just wanted to be part of the gang, run with the cool crowd. He seems like the guy who the jocks laughed at while they snapped him with towels. And instead of fighting back or getting mad, he probably laughed along with them just so he could feel as though he was in on the joke. Seriously, how many times do you think Rummy pantsed this poor, pasty-faced tub?
'Please Rummy, make it stop.''
That said, I have minimal sympathy for the guy. He should've grabbed that towel, wrapped it around Rummy's neck and yanked it until the crazy bastard turned purple.
So now discussion of a replacement begins. Much speculation out on the interwebs about this. Trent Duffy seems to want the job, and badly. D-Renegade is pulling for Torrie Clarke, based solely on the former Defense Dept. spokeswoman's fabulously garish fashion sense. Jeff at SOD has plenty of suggestions, including Saddam's brilliant propaganda minister, Baghdad Bob. But the consensus seems to be -- wait for it -- current FOX News talking head Tony Snow. Mr. Snow has a history of making misleading or downright false statements, a pre-requisite for FOX News staffers. Snow's latest outrageous claim came just yesterday when he attributed sky-rocketing gas prices to the current criticism of Don Rumsfeld. Yep, he sounds perfect for the job.
But I have another suggestion, how about Lindsay Lohan? Check out her performance from this past weekend's SNL:
(click image to view. thx BradBlog)
I don't know, Linds may be perfect for the job. And can anyone imagine her and the twins tearing it up in the District every night? Scary.
... and he's climbing a stairway to heaven.
Fare thee well Scotty, you sad, chubby bastard you.
C&L: Al Franken says goodbye (audio)
Countdown: Scotty's greatest hits (video)
AgitProp: A FOX in the White House
Shakes QOTD: Who (or what) should replace Scotty?
[return to DAYS home]
1. Robert Dreyfuss: Vice Squad (How the Cheney administration works. Shakes sums it up.)
2. Carl Bernstein calls for Senate Hearings on Bush, Now.
3. Kevin K. (formerly of Catch.com) on FDL: Fear & Loathing in the Nuttersphere ("Rather than learning valuable and long-coming lessons from their multitude of mistakes, they’ve decided to screw the fear in deeper and layer even more bat shit onto their crazy.")
4. Oh don't groan, just watch the trailer to Al Gore's 'An Inconvient Truth'. While the non-reality based community (i.e. the Bush administration) chooses to ignore science and reason, systematically stifles it in fact, a film like this is exactly what we need. It's time to wake up. And yeah, I'd consider RE-electing Gore in '08. He deserves the 4 years he never got, and so do we.
5. Bush: "I'm The Decider." Really? But, uh, your decidering sucks. Maybe you should be The Resignerer instead? Whaddya say, wanna give it a shot? (Wonkette, The Mod Voice, D-Ren, HuffPo, Digby and Sadly No, among others, have more.)
Decide this, bitches!
ON THIS DAY: In 1943 Swiss chemist Dr. Albert Hofmann deliberately consumed 250 grams of LSD, becoming the first to experiment with the drug later immortalized by, among others, the Beatles, Timothy Leary and Hunter Thompson. After ingesting the hallucinogen, Dr. Hofman cycled home from his lab, experiencing the first-ever acid trip later recounted in his book, LSD: My Problem Child. April 19th has since been known as Bicycle Day. If you can't celebrate the day by ingesting the drug yourself, just check out this flash animation courtesy of the indominatble Ms. SchmidtyBooger. It'll have roughly the same effect.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
1. Think Progress: Swift-boating the Generals
2. Evan Derkacz: If you've lost the fishermen...
3. Nancy Goldstein: Dinner With Napoli ("I wasn't sure whether to use chorizo or bacon in my paella, so I called South Dakota state senator Bill Napoli and asked him to make my decision for me.")
4. Another fun little trick from Google. First, type "asshole" into the search box. Next, hit the 'I feel lucky' button. Proceed to laugh and cry at the same time. Or, skip all that and just go here. (thx to St. Sabini)
5. A few days late, but this is exactly why we need a 'War on Easter': The Easter Bunny Hates You (bunny ear tip to the fabulous D-Renegade)
Finally, a whistleblower in the White House!
ON THIS DAY: In 1906, a 7.8 magnitude earthquake rocks San Francisco, destroying most of the city and killing upwards of 6,000 people. Today, Barry Bonds' giant head threatens to cause similar damage to the Bay Area.
Monday, April 17, 2006
I hate Anna Bens*n with a fiery passion. Who is Anna Bens*n you ask? Well, for starters, she may be the person who single-handedly shuts down this blog. She's also the wife of major league baseball pitcher Kris Benson, a former New York Met, current Baltimore Oriole and constant shadow to his larger-than-life, ex-stripper wife. More than two years ago, when Anna -- er, Kris -- was traded to the Mets I made the fatal mistake of posting about her arrival in Gotham. Ever since, she's been playing havoc with my site traffic, hence the redacted 'o' in Ms. Bens*n's name.
Pure, unadulterated evil. In stilletos.
She came in with a roar, proclaiming loudly on Howard Stern that if her husband ever cheated on her she would sleep with every member of the Mets organization, right down to the batboys. Naturally, I had to make mention of this, and it didn't hurt that she's smokin' hot... in that skeevy stripper kind of way. Oh, and I had just figured out how to post photos on this thing, so yeah, posting about her was inevitable. But I rue the day, I really do.
Now, every few weeks, I'll get a huge surge in my site traffic. At first glance I'll think, 'cool, Crooks & Liars or maybe Shake's Sis linked me!', because I'm narcissitic that way. But then I look closely and realize that most of my visitors have come looking for pictures of this scantily clad trollop. I've long since deleted the original post, but the slobbering masses just keep coming. Every time I see my numbers surge into the thousands I know that she's opened her stupid mouth about something. Or she's dressed up in a low-cut Mrs. Claus outfit for a children's charity event. Or she's filed for divorce from her husband. Or she's reconciled with him only three days later. She's insane I tell ya, and she won't go away.
And the worst part? She's a gun-toting, fur-wearing, Dubya-loving Republican. As I said, I may just have to fold up my blogging tent and go home. Thanks a lot Anna Bens*n.
1. Digby: Are We There Yet? (the War in Iran has already started; Bush is "a megalomaniac child in the hands of manipulative men")
2. In a world on the brink of implosion, where are the GOP's priorities? Flag burning, gay marriage and abortion, that's where. Billmon responds: "Thank God the GOP is on top of things, because if we can't get this nationwide epidemic of flag burning under control, we could be in some real trouble."
3. Former Marine Captain Chris Sheppard: "I will never trust any of them again."
4. Morford: The Bible's All Wrong. Again.
5. Salon: What Rumsfeld Knew (All 'bad apples' need a leader, don't they?)
'He's my man, ok? We pinky-sweared on this shit, so there's no turning back now. It was a goddam pinky swear, ok?'
ON THIS DAY: In 1935, the Rev. Sun Myung Moon had a vision of Jesus Christ. The Big JC told Rev. Moon to take up the mantle and complete the mission he started almost 2000 years prior. In 1954, Moon proclaimed himself the messiah and formed his Unification Church. For the next half-century, Rev. Moon would be driven out of Korea, arrive in the U.S., achieve cult-leader status, build a business empire, get imprisoned for tax fraud, be embraced by the Reaganites, and eventually help propel George W. Bush to the presidency. In 2004, the current US Congress would honor Rev. Moon in a 'coronation ceremony.' Also on this date, in 1937, Daffy Duck made his theatrical debut. Coincidence?
Saturday, April 15, 2006
JESUS FREAKS, OUT IN THE STREETS*
This is nothing new, but Bill O'Reilly pisses me off. When I was in Israel a few weeks ago, my girlfriend and I were in one of these 'Minerals-R-Us' type places near the Dead Sea and she said, "maybe I should get a new loofah," and I thought of that dick. That pissed me off big time. There's a little place in my 'hood called Mr. Falafel, and whenever I walk past it, I think of that douche. That also pisses me off. And when I see a pile of dog shit on the sidewalk, I think of him. And that pisses me off too.
His latest bit of douchebagery is his revival of the Right's "War On ______" series. A week ago, he let his viewers know that the 'War on Easter' was surging ahead full bore. But now Mr. Falafel says there is no 'War On Easter'. But I'm not gonna let him change his tune. Not gonna let him flip-flop on this thing. I want a war dammit. I need a war. You tossed the first egg my friend, it's time to throw down.
Soldiers in the War.
If O'Reilly thinks the War is off, he better let his field generals know. They've been up to some seriously batshit guerilla warfare in the name of Jesus lately. To wit:
- Rick Scarborough recently hosted his 'War on Christians' conference to spread word that white men who follow Jesus and who, by and large, hold the most money and power in this country, are under attack.
- Texan Ron Luce, a Bush appointee natch, wants to unleash a "blitz" of youth pastors to battle the "virtue terrorism" of popular culture. At a recent rally in San Francisco dubbed "Battle Cry for a Generation", Luce's teenaged followers gathered to decry such abominations as same-sex marriages as a clear "sign of the End Times". There was no mention of torture, the use of nuclear weapons or fooling a nation to war in their discussion.
- Georgia Tech student Ruth Malhotra, argued recently that the university's tolerance policy is infringing on her right to be Christian. She took the school to court on the premise that bashing gay people is part and parcel to her faith. Nice faith ya got there Ruth. Bigot much?
- The Rev. Flip Benham's 'Operation Save America', which, as The Revealer reports, recently bitch-slapped teen agents of the radical homosexual agenda in North Carolina. If it weren't for folks like Rev. Flip, the homos would already be running the country.
The Bush administration, and its reliance on playing the faith card, have brought these folks out of the closet. And yet, the actions of the Bush administration -- war, torture, disinterest in the poor, disregard for the environment -- are about as un-Christian as you can get. Despite that, they've managed to paint themselves as the preachers on the hilltop, here to save us all from the evils of the world. It's total bullshit, but it works.
That's why we see folks like Tom DeLay, whose photo is next to the word 'corruption' in the dictionary, cry that he's a victim of persecution because of his Christianity, not because of his arrogant, unethical, outwardly corrupt power-wielding. It's why DeLay's compatriot in corruption, Jack Ambramoff, surrounds himself with the hyperbolic frontmen of the Religious Right. These are not Men of God; these are men who've appropriated God for there own evil purposes. Most frighteningly, it's why Rove plays the "he's on a misson from God" card when he needs to go to war. Hell, it's happening now with Bush's messianic posturing on Iran.
God save us all. And Happy Easter.
The Green Knight: I Can't Stand These People
Shakes: God's Rotweiler Leads the Charge
HfA: 'We're all bit players in the presiden'ts apocalyptic passion play'
* hat tip to Sir Elton
Friday, April 14, 2006
1. Of Course Bush isn't going to fire Rumsfeld, he and Dick have already launched the 2006 Iranian War. Heckuva job Rummy. (Raw Story)
2. Rising Hegemon reports that Bush has volunteered to be 'the Tojo of the 21st century'. Awesome. Scary Awesome.
3. Shake's Sis on 'Predatory Feminism'.
4. Is it really that time of year? Is it really 'Catch an Illegal Immigrant Day' already?! Hooray for ultra-nationalistic jingoism! No wonder they call Penn St. Happy Valley. (thx C&L)
5. Animation Friday: Bush does John Lennon,the Beach Boys and '24'.
Reminds me to visit here here. It's very theraputic to see his smirking face slam into those big balls every once in a while.
ON THIS DAY: In 1912, the sinking of the Titanic took 1,500 lives to the deep. In 2006, Bush's poll ratings are at 34%. Funny how history repeats itself, no?
Too bad there's no Rose Dewitt Bukater aboard the RMS Bushtanic.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
1. Whiskey Bar: Mutually Assured Dementia (Billmon discusses the seeming lack of interest amongst the media in the 'Bush set to drop nukes on Iran' story. He contends that much of it could be a feeling that "there is no way Bush would do that"; like Billmon, Paul Krugman says, "Yes He Would.")
2. Scheer: Now He Tells Us (Colin Powell comes clean about 3 years too late, prompting our beloved Shakespeare's Sister to dub him "a douchebag" and "possibly a traitor." Here, here sister.)
3. Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi refuses to concede election, case may go to the nation's high court. Chief Justice Scalia asks for a transfer.
4. Maj. Gen. John Batiste: Rumsfeld Should be Replaced (so that makes 4 former generals and about 4 million bloggers, right?)
5. Lingeman: The Gospel of Scooter (just in time for Easter!)
ON THIS DAY: In 1883 Alferd Packer became the first of only two people in U.S. history ever imprisoned on charges of cannibalism. Today, Dick Cheney serves as our vice president. Draw your own conclusions.
Tastes like chicken!
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
1. First Draft details Bush's inarticulating and mis-grammaring in yesterday's speechifying.
2. Palast: A Leaky President Runs Afoul of Little Rico
3. Iraq: Not even the beauty queens are safe.
4. Pelta-Heller: One City Under God (think Domino's will supply the communion wafers?)
5. Jane at FDL: "The boos were not for Cheney's crap pitch. They were for his crap vice-presidenting."
ON THIS DAY: In 1994, Laurence Canter and Martha Siegel, lawyers natch, unleashed the first massively deployed instance of commercial 'spam' on the poor, unsuspecting Usenet masses. While I'm grateful for all the penis enlargment offers, I think we'd be better off without them. We'd find them and kill them, but we can't navigate our way around all these pop-ups. Fuckers.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
A few weeks ago, Preznit Bush highlighted the Iraqi city of Tal Afar as an example of his administration's successful planning in Iraq:
“The example of Tal Afar gives me confidence in our strategy. In this city we see the outlines of the Iraq that we and the Iraqi people have been fighting for, a free and secure people who are getting back on their feet."Three days later, a suicide bombing on the outskirts of the city killed 40 people and residents of Tal Afar claimed Bush was living in a fantasyworld. Despite this, Bush again cited Tal Afar as an example of success just yesterday. Shortly thereafter, it was reported that one American soldier was killed and another wounded in the city over the weekend. So please, Mr. Bush, for the safety of everyone, I beg of you: Stop talking about Tal Afar! Idiot.
'What? I jus' say wut dey tell me ta!'
To be fair, it appears there has been some success in stemming the tide of violence in Tal Afar. Unfortunately, this success is the exception in Iraq, not the rule. It also took three years to get this one city relatively secure, which is not the fault of the troops on the ground but rather further evidence of something we've known for a long time: That the administration's 'on the cheap' war plan failed to provide enough troops to begin with. Worst. War Plan. Ever.
Amazingly, according to The New Yorker's George Packer, the Pentagon is showing no signs of replicating this counterinsurgency tactic anywhere else in Iraq, despite it's relative success. Packer goes on to theorize that it's probably too late anyhow since what the troops are dealing with now isn't so much an insurgency as it is a sectarian Civil War. Our brave men and women are being led by full-on idiots, not one of which has been fired. Shameful.
1. Rosen: Murray Waas is the Woodward of Now
2. Lieut. General Gregory Newbold: Why Iraq Was a Mistake
3. Chuck Hagel: "We're ruining an Army it took 30 years to build."
4. TP: The Iraq War Architects, Where Are They Now? (certainly not unemployed)
5. Shakes Sis: An extremely frightening video from yesterday’s presidential propaganda parade. This, ladies in gentleman, is the most powerful man in the world. You may commence crying now.
ON THIS DAY
How Teddy got his war on.
On April 11, 1898 President William McKinley asked Congress for a declaration of war against Spain, which led to the Spanish-American War, America’s first flirtation with interventionist action. McKinley, unlike some chief executives we know, actually didn’t want to go to war but was pressured into it by a fervent public desire to kick some Spanish ass, instigated primarily by the sensationalist ‘yellow journalism’ of William Randolph Hearst (think Rupert Murdoch without the accent). The McKinley administration also featured its fair share of Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz-like Hawks who added to the war pressure. Among these was Teddy Roosevelt, who, unlike today’s Hawks, was actually willing to back up his tough talk, taking a break from wrestling bears and eating armadillo sandwiches to form his famed Roughriders and lead them into battle. The war ultimately led to American annexation of the Phillipines, Puerto Rico and Guam, and the creation of a somewhat independent Cuba, as well as a steady-flow of talented shortstops and relief pitchers for decades to come. While not officially under American control, Cuba’s actions would be influenced greatly by American business and foreign-policy interests in the following decades. Also, a permanent American naval base was established at Guatanamo Bay. (yep, that Gitmo) Three years later, McKinley was assassinated by Leon Czolgosz at the Pan American Exposition in Buffalo.* (Sarah Vowell provides an excellent and hilariously entertaining account of this period in America's Life in her book Assassination Vacation.)
*please Mr. NSA eavesdropper guy, don’t read too much into the inclusion of this in my post.