DAYS

Monday, November 28, 2005

REMAINS of the DAYS: The one with leftovers.
Well, another disgustingly gluttonous Thanksgiving is in the books. You’ve all had a few days to digest, so hopefully you’re no one longer stuffed with stuffing and jammed with yams. And hopefully you avoided getting mauled at your local Wal-Mart during Black Friday. Seriously, the combination of stuffing our faces to the gills one day, then completely losing our collective shit over a few discounted laptops the next kind of takes the joy out of our annual celebration of exploiting and extinguishing the Native Americans from their land, does it not? Oh whatever! Just sit back, unbutton another button, let out a hearty belch and enjoy yourself some remains, would ya?

I imagine Thanksgiving to be a parade of dysfunction at many a household across this fine country, but none could be as twisted as that which Mark Morford envisioned taking place at the White House. Papa Bush reveling in his son’s misfortune? Mama Bush and Rove carrying on a secret affair? Condi longing to catch the thin-lipped gaze of her secret presidential crush? Oh my.
To no one’s surprise, the Bushes actually spent the holiday in Crawford. And here’s a shot of the Bride of Frankendumb deplaning outside the ranch courtesy of D-Renegade.
As horrific as Black Friday is, this ‘Cyber Monday’ crap is even worse. The no-purpose marketing consultancy responsible for pushing that term into the public mindset needs to be taken out and shot, preferably with a shotgun bought on Amazon. That said, I could spend hours shopping for the perfect pair of Jersey Hot Shorts on American Apparel’s website. Who cares if their CEO is a masturbatory exhibitionist enthusiast, those shorts come in 36 colors!
As the holiday shopping season begins in earnest, Mr. Sun comes through again with a list of Christmas gifts for young conservatives.
My god, is there anything President Bomby McMisslepants doesn’t want to bomb?? I’d hate to see his approach to bass fishing.
We turn to D-Renegade yet again, who points out the symbolic hoodoo of the Supreme Court literally falling apart on the 5-year anniversary of the high court’s decision to hear the Bush v. Gore case.
Speaking of SCOTUS, did everyone catch Justice Scalia’s ‘off the record’ comments last week? The whole riff is quite entertaining, in a totally disturbing kind of way. But the money quote referenced the 2000 election case: “What did you expect us to do? Turn the case down because it wasn't important enough? Or give the Florida Supreme Court another couple of weeks in which the United States could look ridiculous?” Instead, they made the decision to allow the country to look ridiculous for another eight years. Way to go guys.
Another Republican, Rep. Duke Cunningham, went down in a scandalous blaze of shame today. First of all, as a rule, never trust anyone named Duke. Second of all, how are we supposed to keep track of all this scandal shit? Can we get a scorecard or something? Oh, thank you, this’ll do just fine.
If you missed the Earth 2 America special recently aired on TBS, take some time out to laugh your ass off at some of the clips, all provided by One Good Move. If you only view one, check out Will Ferrell’s return as George W. The guy who coined the term ‘strategery’ nails the impersonation again. Don’t miss Larry David, Bill Maher or Triumph’s appearances either. They’re all gold.
Shake’s Sis points us to a photo of perhaps the most appropriate backdrop ever placed by Team Bush. Nice work guys, that about says it all.
And finally, a hearty and final ‘Wax Off’ to Pat Morita. He will be missed.