Wednesday, April 20, 2005
REMAINS of the DAYS: The One With Britney's Spawn
Yes it's that time again, time to dig deep into that pile of unused celebrity gossip, political hijinks and general weirdness permeating the internets to puke up yet another edition of Remains of the Days. While it seems as though pop tartlet Britney Spears has been preggers in every single previous installment of Remains, this is the edition where the news becomes official. Along with Britney's spawn, this week's Remains features Spiderman's downward spiral, Hootie's rodeo resurgence and Tyra Banks losing her Top Model shit. Enjoy.
Yes it's that time again, time to dig deep into that pile of unused celebrity gossip, political hijinks and general weirdness permeating the internets to puke up yet another edition of Remains of the Days. While it seems as though pop tartlet Britney Spears has been preggers in every single previous installment of Remains, this is the edition where the news becomes official. Along with Britney's spawn, this week's Remains features Spiderman's downward spiral, Hootie's rodeo resurgence and Tyra Banks losing her Top Model shit. Enjoy.
- Britney Spears, barefoot and pregnant? Well, at least that explains this photo. Yep, the news finally hit the papers last week that Britney's husband, professional layabout and prolific baby-maker Kevin Federline, had impregnated the trashy popster. While Days is extremely happy for the couple, there is reason for some concern. First of all, mom-to-be may not be the brightest bulb in the box as evidenced (most recently) when Brit was conned by a 9-year-old. Then of course there's the whole issue of Papa Federline's... well, he himself is just kind of one big concern isn't he? I mean really Kevin, if you can't even afford to pay for your own bagel, how ya gonna support Baby Cheeto?
- ISO SWM w/ killer eyes, a love of children and a boat. Willing to relocate, if necessary, to San Quentin. U+ME=SOULM8S!
- Quick Spiderman, save the day!! "Fine, but first let me pound this sixer and suck down a bag of pork rinds, ok?" Seriously, get help Seabiscuit – you're scaring the children.
- Intimate E-mail Failures: 'I kind of glanced at your message after trying to send it the 34,508th time.' (This is F'ing Brilliant.)
- Further evidence that playing too much chess will drive you completely insane.
- On a bright, sunny day in Los Angeles last week Michael Jackson, OJ Simpson, Al Sharpton, Magic Johnson, Jesse Jackson, P.Diddy, Stevie Wonder and Mayor Willie Brown were all spotted within slapping distance of one another. And still, California hasn't tumbled into the sea... how is that possible?
- AgitProp takes a look at this month's Rapture Index – get ready, it's coming!
- I have a confession: I love America's Next Top Model. I can't explain it, I can't defend it, all I know is I can't stop watching it. Believe me, I've resisted far greater reality temptations – Survivor, The Apprentice, American Idol – in the past. Hell, even The Littlest Groom didn't suck me in, and everyone knows I have a thing for midgets (who doesn't?). But there's something about totally vapid, naive (and hot!) young women being put through a laughable hell on a weekly basis that I just can't resist.* Throw in a Tyra Banks conniption fit and you have what I believe to be the perfect hour of television. (scroll to the bottom for the video)
- They shoot cats in Wisconsin, don't they?* (Thanks to Bobby P.)
- Wow, those NFLers are just a bunch of bigots. Not only do they hate gays, they now apparently hate Mexicans too. Sheesh.
- Well, it's official, Iraq's a real democracy now – they've got their first reality show.
- I really do hate Tom DeLay, but I think I'd party with his daughter.
- Speaking of Mr. DeLay, here's a question for him from the Washington Times: "Have you ever crossed the line of ethical behavior in terms of dealing with lobbyists, your use of government authority or with fundraising?" Mr. DeLay: "Ever is a very strong word." Yes, and so is disgrace.
- Another Remains regular, FOX News' loudmouth Sean Hannity, is keeping things fair and balanced... and scripted. During a recent broadcast of his show, Hannity was caught between commercials coaching his guests (2nd item), two former nurses of Terri Schiavo, about how to stay on message and stick to the conservative party line. Harry Shearer of Simpsons and Spinal Tap fame somehow got hold of the audio and aired it on his Le Show (which is brilliant by the way). If you haven't already picked one up, I think it's about time to invest in a FOX Blocker.
- The Biggest Dangers on Earth: So many things to be worried about... super volcanoes, robot takeovers – and they don't even mention Bush. Of course, we all know how the world will really end, don't we?
- Approval ratings on Bush, Congress and Arnie have been plummeting. Perhaps Bush's drop can be blamed on his lame-ass music taste? And I blame this photo for Arnie's drop.
- 5 things you didn't know about that Burger King commercial (you know the one), kindly brought to our attention by some guy who apparently needs to get laid real bad. Or maybe he just needs a Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch. 1. The breasts grow on trees; 2. Vida Guerra has the "fattest ass ever"; 3. This guy's mom is a porn star, apparently; 4. Ranch is not only a location, but a sauce; 5. It was this or gay porn for Hootie.
- Happy Passover everyone! Don't worry, the Viagra's kosher.
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