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Thursday, June 30, 2005

Ever since she hit the runway in that Conditrix outfit a few months back, the world just can't seem to keep its ogling eyes off of US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

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Here's Condi sharing a knowing wink with new Iraqi PM Ibrahim al-Jafari. And just how do you suppose he got that job?

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Condi and Iraqi Foreign Minister Hoshyar Zebari perform "The Last Throes of Passion", a dance in three parts.

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Mr. Met must be tiring of Anna Benson. Look at him, those crazy eyes, that longing expression, the coyly tilted baseball cap... he's so checking out her ass right there.

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Group of 8? More like Grope by 8! Or maybe 7... that guy in the back doesn't seem too interested, he may be scanning the crowd for Jeff Gannon.

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"Hey Condi, I think I, uh, dropped my pencil... can you, uh, bend over and pick it up for me?"
"Yeah, mine too!"
"And mine!!"

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This one's called the 'Oil-for-Smooches Scandal.'
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And this one's called, well, kissing up to the boss basically.

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Even Angelina's trying to get a peek at Condi's yum-yums. You better watch your back Brad, this woman is a barracuda!

Clearly, Condy rocks her predecessor Colin Powell's world. That guy was never able to pull as much diplomatic tail as this. But as hot as The Conditrix is, she's still got nothing on former Secretary of State and all-around uberbabe Madeline Albright.

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Be still my heart. *sigh*

A Love Letter to Condi.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

What was I thinking?? Of course the President wasn’t going to admit to a mistake or offer a mea culpa during last night’s speech. I must’ve stepped out of the reality-based community for a moment, my apologies. But I was correct in predicting he would offer nothing new. No strategy. No plan. No explanations. But he did a fine job of catapulting the propaganda, no?

Image hosted by TinyPic.com The President with his 'props' last night.

Seriously, this speech was like a sad, desperate ‘greatest hits’ recording of All the President’s Bullshit from the past 3 years, including such nuggets as “strong coalition”, “fight them there so we don’t have to fight them here”, and “stay the course.” One question: Did Bush actually quote bin Laden in a bid for support of his own assertion that Iraq is the central front in the War on Terror? You know, Osama also says shit like “Bush is the Great Satan”, should we believe him on that front too? Probably.

But Bush’s biggest offense, by far, was the pure Luntzian way he invoked 9/11. Frank Luntz is the GOP political operative who penned the “GOP Playbook” which essentially advises, “When in doubt, roll out 9/11.” We saw this strategy begin to take shape last week when Karl Rove rolled the 9/11 bone out there. When White House PR man Dan Bartlett mentioned it on the Today Show. And when Don Rumsfeld trotted it out during his round-robin of the Sunday morning talk shows. But last night was the big one. The president mentioned 9/11 and Iraq in the same sentence so many times that by the end of the speech I think he was actually saying “Iraq/11” as though they were the same thing. These guys are desperate. And shameless. And probably hoping for more shark attacks.

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Distractions, ya know?

A few quick reminders for you Mr. Bush, in case you've forgotten:
1. Iraq and 9/11? Not the same thing.
2. The Iraq war has distracted us from the War on Terror.
3. This war never needed to happen. It was a war of choice. Your choice.
4. This war has not made us safer. In fact, your ill-conceived Iraqi adventure has created more terrorists and America-haters than existed before the war. It has also left us more vunerable at home. Thanks for that.
5. We're still looking for some answers on this.
6. Why did we go to war?
7. Oh, and by the way, where the fuck is Osama?

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Full Text
Wonkette: LiveBlogging Ft. Bragg

Corn: Wow, What a Speech! (fantasy)
Nothing to See Here, Move Along (reality)
Kos: Harry Reid’s Response
AFP: Bush Hammered as Dishonest by Brit Critics
Iraqis Give Mixed Response

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

As public sentiment and support for the Neocon's war of choice continues to sour, the Bush team has been scrambling to put a rosy glow on the carnage-creating series of disastrous missteps they term "a strategy". The president has already let us know he's "thinking about Iraq", and tonight he's going to invade our primetime to surround himself with troops at Ft. Bragg (I'm thinking he'll leave the flight suit at home this time) and tell us about all this thinking he's been doing.

While I don't think we'll see Bush finally come out of the closet tonight (dammit), I do think we'll hear something we've never heard before: an admission, however subtle, of a few minor missteps in Iraq. I know it goes against the John Wayne, never-admit-a-mistake policy this administration has held so dear to, but they have no other choice as I see it. He'd just look like a fantastical asshole if he were to come out and repeat the same 'stay-the-course, things-are-getting-better' bullshit. That said, he kind of is a fantastical asshole, so maybe that's exactly what we'll hear. *sigh*

But I honestly believe there will be an admission, albeit fleeting and buried under an avalanche of aforementioned bullshit. And tomorrow all the papers will fawn over the suddenly contrite Bush. More importantly, an empty admission will obscure the fact the president will offer nothing new in tonight's speech. No strategy. No exit plan. Nothing. But no one will notice because we'll all be talking about how the president has turned a corner. Of course, Iraq will still be stuck in the same place, looking for its own corner to turn.

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Other things you probably won't see or hear in tonight's speech:

On that last one, remember how we re-elected this president based primarily on the idea that he would make us safer? Well, that and the fact that he hates the gays... But remember the safer part? Yeah, um, what up with that?

CIA: Iraq now a bigger terrorist threat than Afghanistan/binLaden
Occupation Made World Less Safe, Pro-War Institute Says
US Figures Show Sharp Global Rise In Terrorism
UK Government: Iraq war 'increased terror threat'
Iraq war has swollen ranks of al Qaeda
Terror threat to US called 'significant'
Global terror attacks triple in 2004
The US May Be Losing

Oh yeah, feeling much safer now. Thanks W!

Monday, June 27, 2005

REMAINS of the DAYS: The One Where I Took A Week Off
Boy, I sorta thought things would be different if I took a week away from the blog, but apparently not. Iraq is still fucked up, Dick Cheney still won't admit it, Karl Rove is still a dick, President Bush is still a liar, and Tom Cruise is still insane. Ahhh well, let's see what we've missed anyway, shall we?

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Previous Remains
The One With Tom Cruise's Insanity
The One With Britney's Spawn
The One Mostly About The Pope

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An officer of Pakistan Coast Guards stands near the burning confiscated drugs in Karachi, Pakistan on Sunday, June 26, 2005. Authorities on Sunday set on fire six tons of hashish, 18 kilograms (39 pounds) of heroin and 13 tons of dried opium poppies at a ceremony to mark the International Anti-Narcotics Day, an official said.

Friday, June 17, 2005

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Yesterday, Rep. John Conyers (D-MI) did his best to bring the Downing Street Memos (yes, there are several now) to light on The Hill and in the conscience of the American public. Unfortunately, because the Republicons control the House, they managed to relegate Conyers' hearing to a tiny room in the basement of the Capitol Building. Seriously, they put him in a broom closet. This provided great fodder for conservative bloggers and, inexplicably, Dana Milbank of the Washington Post who makes the hearing sound like a child's tea party (Conyers responds to Milbank here). On top of that, House Chairman James Sensenbrenner (R-WI), perhaps the most childish congressman of the bunch, scheduled an unprecedented 11 consecutive floor votes to coincide with the hearing, doing everything he could to draw attention away from Conyers, um, 'tea party'.

But no matter how the GOP and the media try to paint this issue, it's not a tea party and it's not make believe. It is, by some accounts, basis for impeachment. But let's not go there. Yet. What's important here is that we now have evidence, in writing, that this administration, and its chief ally, knew its basis for war was weak and did everything it could to prove otherwise. The fact is, despite what the president and his cohorts said, war was not a "last resort" for these people – it was a choice. And those who think we should just move on, who think a discussion about how exactly Bush brought the nation to war is 'old news', apparently don't care about being used, manipulated and duped into war, a war that has resulted in 1,700+ dead American children and countless Iraqi civilians. Call me crazy, but I think that discussion is an important one to have.

Think I'm just another paranoid loon? Check out these links and decide for yourself. As one of my favorite sites, One Good Move, says, "I thought these things might be clues."

If nothing else, this last bit of detail is why these bastards need to be held accountable. It's the reason things are so fucked up over there. They had no plan. They had no idea what they were about to thrust us into. They believed their own bullshit about being 'greeted as liberators'. They failed to understand, or plan for, the reality of their actions, and our uniformed men and women are the ones paying the price, with their lives, for this severe incompetence. Even if you think all the rest of this is just paranoid, liberal bluster, THIS is the reason these sons of bitches should pay. Accountability. Now.

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This is not the first time I've posted about this, nor will it be the last.

The Latest
Hijacking Catastrophe (video)
There Is A Memo... (video)
Think Progress:
All the Papers
Light of Reason: Beware the Trap of the DSM
FPIF: My brother died to satisfy Bush’s PR agenda.
Think they didn't WANT to go to war?
Remember PNAC.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

From the 'In Case You Missed It' file, Time Magazine reported this week that interrogators at Guantanamo resorted to the dastardly tactic of flooding prisoner's quarters with Christina Aguilera music.
Dripping Water or Playing Christina Aguilera Music: After the new measures are approved, the mood in al-Qahtani’s interrogation booth changes dramatically. The interrogation sessions lengthen. The quizzing now starts at midnight, and when Detainee 063 dozes off, interrogators rouse him by dripping water on his head or playing Christina Aguilera music.
My god, this goes so beyond the pale. I knew our tactics were questionable, but it just doesn't get any more vile than this. Shut this place down. Shut it down now.

Image hosted by TinyPic.com 'Hey, fu*k you! At least I didn't piss on your Koran.'

Monday, June 13, 2005

Start up the rides! Release the llamas! Dust off the Elephant Man! Call the cub scouts! Michael Jackson is a free man!!! Party at Neverland!

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Now get a job. All of you.

At least now the citizenry can focus on the President's Social Security plan which, according to FOX News' Neil Cavuto, wasn't selling because the public was distracted by the Jacko trial. Oh yeahhhh, I'm sure that's why it wasn't selling... a little more Jesus Juice Neil?

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Yep, that's what it'll be if the Pentagon doesn't get its shit together right quick. If you haven't heard, the US military is having difficulty filling its ranks. The chief reason for these difficulties is obvious: when at least "one to several" American soldiers are killed every day in Iraq, there just isn't a whole lot of interest in signing up. Young Americans, and their parents, have figured out that the joining the military isn't like playing a video game. They can't 'restart' and play again. More importantly, they've figured out that this administration doesn't seem to know what the hell its doing, as evidenced by recent polls on Iraq.

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This dilemma has spurred desperate recruiters to take desperate measures, such as this story from the Seattle suburbs, where recruitment has been particularly difficult:

The next step of Axel's misadventure came when he heard about a cool "chin-ups" contest in Bellingham, where the prize was a free Xbox. The now 18-year-old Skagit Valley Community College student dragged his tail feathers home uncharacteristically late that night. And, in the morning, Marcia learned the Marines had hosted the event and "then had him out all night, drilling him to join."
This is but one story of many that have been reported about aggressive military recruiters attempting to do anything they can, by hook or by crook, to get young Americans to join the ranks. This is a serious problem, so serious in fact that even conservative pundits such as Robert Novak have spoken out about it. Novak argues that we shouldn't blame the recruiters we should blame the war, and for once, I agree with the douche bag. Iraq is a mess, and it's not because of the men and women who've been sent there, they've surely done the best they can. No, it's because of the incompetent fuckers who did the sending. Families are being torn apart, our morale is low and our defenses are down. Even Big Dick Cheney can step out of his fantasy chamber long enough to admit that much.

So, how does the Department of Defense propose to solve this problem? Well, for one, it has decided that if it doesn't talk about it maybe it will go away, taking the decisive action to simply stop reporting whether or not it has reached its monthly recruiting goals. This is, of course, part of an ongoing pattern for the Bush government. From global warming to terrorism trends to economic woes, if the administration doesn't like the facts it simply doesn't report them.

Other solutions proposed to solve the recruitment crisis include increasing the cash bonus for new recruits and relaxing requirements for new officers, although they're still not willing to let the openly homosexual in. Criminals? Sure. Homos? Hell no. And hey, maybe not requiring recruits to accept Jesus Christ as their personal lord and savior would expand the recruitment pool a bit, ya think?

Of course, there's always the possibility of a draft. Oop, did I just say that word? Obviously, the president would never let that happen, even if he has had the occasional Freudian slip. No, the best way to solve this crisis, in my opinion, is to encourage all those vocal cheerleaders who continue to support the war to sign on up. Ann Coulter? She'd look fabulous in a pair of combat boots. Sean Hannity? He was born to captain a Bradley fighting vehicle. Jonah Goldberg? The recruitment office is that-a-way.

We'll have this thing licked in no time.

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Enjoy the Awesome Draft!
Hebert: They Won't Go
ITT: Moving in to Middle Schools
Clark: Bush Ruining the Military
SFGate: Recruiting Stand Down
Wonkette: Army Revises Sales Pitch

Friday, June 10, 2005

About 7 months too late unfortunately....
Poll: Bush Job Approval Dips to New Low
"As the war in Iraq drags on, President Bush's job approval and the public's confidence in the direction he's taking the nation are at their lowest levels since The Associated Press-Ipsos poll began in December 2003. About one-third of adults, 35 percent, said they think the country is headed in the right direction, while 43 percent said they approve of the job being done by Bush. Just 41 percent say they support his handling of the war, also a low-water mark."
Seriously, where the frig were you all back in November?? Stuck on a manufactured Swift Boat controversy I suppose... dammit, dammit, dammit.

WaPO: Tracking W's Approval Ratings
Another: WaPO/ABC Poll Finds Dimmer View of Iraq War
Dave: Top 10 Ways Bush can regain popularity (#2? "Resign")
Alter: "Bush’s approval rating is now a full 20 points lower than Clinton’s was on the day he was impeached"

Image hosted by TinyPic.com 'What happened to all my political capital?'

Thursday, June 09, 2005

As my eye is frequently trained toward the corridors of power/ineptitude that are the White House and Congress, I sometimes forget to pay attention to what’s happening in my own back yard. But when the Mayor of the proclaims that New York has “let down America,” it kind of snaps me back to attention ya know?

Image hosted by TinyPic.com EXCUSE ME MR. MAYOR? I didn't notice too many tears among the citizenry when Hizzoner Michael Bloomberg's attempt to strong-arm the city into building his beloved West Side Stadium went down in spectacular Olympian flames earlier this week. Most New Yorkers didn't want the Olympics here in the first place. This is already the greatest city in the world, what do we have to prove? People don't come here from all over the world to see synchronized swimming, they come here because its New York. The Games would've been nothing but a hassle, not to mention a security nightmare. If anyone is responsible for the Olympic bid's failure, it's the mayor himself. By making a succesful bid contingent solely upon the approval of his pet Stadium project, Bloomberg effectively killed his own Olympic dream. Don't get me wrong, I think Bloomberg has done a good job on the whole, but what he had to say after his stadium deal fell apart really bothers me:

"Other American cities wanted to have the privilege of competing at the world level," Bloomberg said. "New York won because people had confidence that New York would be able to do things, and it turned out that we, unfortunately, are not able to do things."
Um, actually we're able to do quite many things. For one, we stopped you from building your oh-so-coveted, wholly unecessary and massively expensive Stadium didn't we? Paris, the Games are yours. Have fun with all that hassle.

Image hosted by TinyPic.com DESPERATE BRIDES + GIANT CAKE = BEDLAM If you're a tourist and just happened to be wandering through Times Square on Tuesday morning this week, you may have been shocked by the sight of two dozen brides, dressed to the 9's in their pure white wedding dresses, diving headfirst into a gigantic, two-story lemon cake. If you're a native, you probably wouldn't have noticed. No, these ladies weren't cake diving in hopes of impressing the Naked Cowboy, they were digging for a frosting-covered $50k during a publicity stunt for the reality show Bridezillas. Jaunita Collazo of Queens summed up the competitive nature of the stunt: "I believe in good sportsmanship, but once inflicted upon, I'll defend myself." Got that? Don't inflict upon Juanita lest you want a 4.36-carat marquise diamond ring shoved up your ass.

Image hosted by TinyPic.com THE SCOURGE OF FREE NEWS The New York Times this jumped on the bandwagon and began distributing free "newspapers" to commuters throughout the 5 boroughs today. The Times' Marketplace is an effort to compete with Metro and amNewYork, which are not really newspapers so much as cleverly disguised advertising vehicles sprinkled with a few reprinted AP headlines. Just what we need, less insightful news. But New Yorkers seem to love the free papers: "I like it. It's convenient, it's small and you can read it on the subway on the way to work." (Unlike those unruly newspaper-sized newspapers that you can't read on the subway?) And: "It's easier to handle, easier to walk with." (Yes, I too often find myself tripping over my Daily News.) I gotta agree with Gawker on this one, 'break out the freaking quarters already.'

Image hosted by TinyPic.com ONLY IN NEW YORK What do you get when you combine an open manhole, a 120-pound dog, a 72-year-old famed photographer and his 30-year-old wife? Pretty much just a bunch of shit.

AND FINALLY Have I mentioned that its really freaking hot in the Apple right now? Well it is.

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Wednesday, June 08, 2005

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British Prime Minister Tony Blair, oft-dubbed ‘Bush’s poodle’ by detractors, made a show-the-love appearance at the White House yesterday. Unfortunately for the prime minister, his unsuccessful efforts to secure an agreement from Bush on increasing aid dollars to Africa and his failure to wrangle any meaningful acknowledgment of global warming from the president, will only serve to fuel the ‘poodle fire’ back home. But at least he and Bush agree on one thing: They both think Bono rocks.

Bush and Blair did move closer to an agreement on African debt relief, which is a good thing, but Bush’s paltry pledge of $674 million in aid won’t help Blair much in reaching his stated goal of $50 billion. Hell, if $200 million can’t even buy a winning baseball team in the Bronx, what is $674 million gonna do for the entire continent of Africa? Here’s Bush’s comment on African aid:
“Nobody wants to give money to a country that's corrupt, where leaders take money and put it in their pocket."
Funny, that’s the same thing I was grumbling around tax time this year.

And here’s Bush on Global Warming:
"I've always said it's a serious, long-term issue that needs to be dealt with," he said. "And my administration isn't waiting around to deal with the issue. We're acting."
Yep, they’re acting alright. Wanna know how?

US Official Edited Warming, Emission Link
A White House official, who previously worked for the American Petroleum Institute, has repeatedly edited government climate reports in a way that downplays links between greenhouse gas emissions and global warming
Oh, and that big, pink elephant known as the Downing Street Memo began to creep, if ever-so-slowly, toward the middle of the room. Keep an eye on this, and sign the frickin’ letter.

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Good job Tony. Now, about that shoe shine...

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Former Gladiator Russell Crowe had a few options to promote his new film, The Cinderella Man. He could:
1. Fabricate a relationship with a much younger, supposedly virginal starlet then proceed to repeatedly and publicly lose his marbles over her. (6/15 and 6/29)
2. Have an affair with his co-star, split up with his Hollywood wife, then
deny, deny, deny. (6/10) 3. Lose about 100 lbs., have his father imprisoned, then get smashed by the stalkerazzi. (6/24)
4. Slam the concierege of a swank Soho hotel in the face
with a telephone.
Mr. Crowe apparently chose the latter.
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Of course, the folks behind The Dukes of Hazzard have discovered the most surefire method of movie promotion:
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The Daisy Duke show opens June 24. Sweet moses.

Age: The Biff Files
NYT: Let's Make Telephone Calls!
ASL: Jessica Simpson's body was made for sex
FameTracker: Top 10 Least Essential Summer Movies

Monday, June 06, 2005

Now why exactly would the Bush administration and the Pentagon wait until after 7 p.m. on Friday to release this type of information?
A military inquiry has found that guards or interrogators at the Guantánamo Bay detention center in Cuba kicked, stepped on and splashed urine on the Koran, in some cases intentionally, but in others by accident, the Pentagon said.
See, Newsweek was wrong. The Korans weren't flushed, they were peed on. So there.

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Yeah, um, shutting that place down might not be such a bad idea after all.

Greetings from Camp X-Ray
Hanging Stranger: Sorry Dude! My Urine, My Bad.
Sake Bombs on Michael Isikoff!
FishbowlNY: Not So Wrong After All

Friday, June 03, 2005

Does the Associated Press know something the rest of us don't? Less than 24 hours after embattled Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was, um, "renditioned" to Asia, the AP posted this story on the wire:

Who'd Replace Rumsfeld Not So Clear Cut
Who would act as President Bush's defense secretary if Pentagon chief Donald H. Rumsfeld were to resign, become disabled, die or be temporarily absent due to an overseas trip, such as the one he began Thursday?
I realize he's been a bit more wild-eyed and surly than usual the last few days, threatening nations left and right as though they were Newsweek reporters or Amnesty International officials, but would the White House really take a contract out on the guy? Did anyone check the brakes on the Secretary's limo before he left?

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We're worried about you Little Rummy FuFu...

POE News: Rumsfeld Fighting Technique
Talking Prez: Rumsfeld Action Figure
Slate: The Poetry of Donald H. Rumsfeld
Camp Songs: Little Bunny FuFu

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At least he'll always have Dolly...
(he calls the left one 'Shock' and the right one 'Awe')

Now, just hold it over your head and you'll be all set... you can do it George!
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Keep working on it Mr. President, you'll get it one of these days.

Image hosted by TinyPic.com May 2005 Image hosted by TinyPic.com June 2004
Past DAYS: Bumbershoot Bumbles

Thursday, June 02, 2005

All this week's nostalgic talk of investigative journalism, political malfeasance and governmental leaks has reminded me of a little something called the Downing Street Memo. Never heard of it? Don't worry, you're not alone. The mainstream media continues to ignore it, despite the fact that it confirms what critics of Bush's Iraqi Wonderfuck have suspected all along, that this administration was hell-bent on going to war no matter what. Damn the facts, bring on the torpedoes. Here's the key passage from the Downing Street Memo, taken from a mid-2002 meeting between US and UK officials:
"Bush wanted to remove Saddam, through military action, justified by the conjunction of terrorism and WMD. But the intelligence and facts were being fixed around the policy."
So why has this revelation been so ignored by so many? Is it because, as that "old Arab" Helen Thomas (Ann Coulter's words, not mine) thinks, we simply don't care anymore about things like credibility, accountability, integrity and truth? Is this really the case? What will it take to shake us out of our malaise when it comes to issues of such import? Doesn't it piss anyone else off that this administration seized so maliciously on the fear and uncertainty that gripped the nation in the wake of 9/11? As the rest of us saw horror, these bastards saw opportunity. They played us... doesn't that piss you off? And for those who don't think this is important, who think this is "old news" and that I should just get over it, remember that our last president was impeached for lying about a blow job. His lie led to a stained dress and a Barbara Walters special; the current president's lie led to this. So tell me, how is THIS less important than that?

If you DO think this is important and you want to do something about it, you can. And it's easy. Congressman John Conyers has asked that citizens who do care about accountability, integrity and truth sign a letter requesting that the administration answer the questions raised by the Downing Street Memo. It's quick, it's free and you can do it right here. Go.

Thank you soapbox, you've been very kind. I'll get off you now and go back to posting pictures of porn stars and beauty pageant winners.

Proof: The Downing St. Memo
Action: Sign the Letter
Stay On It: After Downing Street
K-R: What Did He Say? Realism Please
Sirota: Investigative Journalism is Dead
Palast: Deep Throat Cover Blown; And WaPO Still Sucks

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"I don't worry all that much, frankly... I've got peace of mind." - President Bush, yesterday

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Boy, Linda Lovelace has not aged well at all...
Image hosted by TinyPic.com 1972
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'I'm The Guy They Called Deep Throat'
Deep Throat Revealed blog
NYT: Deep Throat Antihero & Archive
Felt Already Forgotten He Outed Self As Deepthroat
Huun Huur Tu: Legendary Throat Singers of Tuva
TIME: When Porno Was Chic

Image hosted by TinyPic.com 'Deep Throat' starring Linda Lovelace

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