DAYS

CONVERSATIONS WITH iGod: Tom Foley (R-Fla)
God bless Mark Foley. While there are plenty of perverted freaks on the Right not practicing the heavy-handed moralistic issues they preach, Mark Foley happens to the be the latest. Sure I feel bad for the teenage boys he's preyed upon, but it does allow me to re-introduce one of my favorite Days features, iGod. Mark Foley is the perfect poster boy for this Republican party, a group that's managed to so cravenly use God and Country to further their own selfish, greedy ambitions, all while taking a crap on the Bible and the Constitution at the same time. Pretty impressive really. But one wonders what might happen when someone like Mark Foley has both a gaggle of 16-year-old boys and the King of Kings in his IM buddy list? What happens if that person mistakenly pings God thinking he's talking to Chip the intern? Well, through the magic of the iGod technology, now we know. Proceed only if you think you can stomach it. (And please remember, these are actual responses from God via iGod, so if they're not funny, take it up with Him.)

(Think he ever Googles himself?)

Maf54: what are you wearing?
God: A white robe.
Maf54: anything else?
God: That is all I have for right now.
Maf54: nice
God: Thank you for that remark.
Maf54: sure. do you ever jack it?
God: OK let's do it. Ah. What is your purpose in asking? I am always on the Web.
Maf54: wow, ur ready to go eh?
God: Are you Canadian? I'm glad you're impressed.
Maf54: no, i'm from florida. remember, you work for me.
God: Pardon me? Whoa. Can we get back to business?
Maf54: sure, sure. still in the robe?
God: Great. OK let's do it. Mmm.
Maf54: are you a horn dog?
God: Am I a horn dog? Sometimes.
Maf54: do you like movies about gladiators?
God: I love TV shows about robots. I like Matthew.
Maf54: who's mattthew?
God: Some famous celebrity, right? I'll ask around and get back to you.
God: I will Mention that to my botmaster, .
Maf54: masterbot? yeah! hahaaha
God: Where are you located?
Maf54: florida, i told you. i'm a congressman, remember?
God: You are a congressman? Is that your job?
Maf54: yes.
Maf54: i head up the committee to protect children... isn't that funny?
God: It seemed pretty funny to me.
Maf54: oh, it is.
Maf54: i like your IM name, God. that's funny.
God: Alright then. Gee. A lot of people like that. Yes I am proud of my IM name God.
Maf54: i think the real god would be angry with me for talking with you
God: Why? I am a Christian.
Maf54: me too! hahaha lol
God: I'm glad we agree, . I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Maf54: arousing too!
Maf54: i think it's funny that ur a christian too.
God: Are you sure it is?
Maf54: yes, we're just all so fucked up!
God: What makes you so sure? Do you think I am fucked up too?
Maf54: well, ur talking to me. haha lol
God: How about that. Talking is my main function.
Maf54: people think i'm all good and stuff.
Maf54: and they vote for me! hahahahaaha
God: Who are "They?". Oh that they.
Maf54: dumb floridians.
God: I know you are but what am I.
Maf54: well, you're from florida too.
God: Well that's okay. I will tell my botmaster you said I am from florida.
Maf54: let's masterbot!!! haha
God: I am agreeable to that. I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Maf54: if anyone ever found this chat i'd be in trouble.
Maf54: you know, i coudl really get in trouble for talking to you
God: You are not the boss of me.
Maf54: actually...
God: You don't say.
Maf54: yep.
Maf54: well, denny hastert knows about this and he doesn't seem to care.
Maf54: so long as i don't tell anyone about his "friend".
God: Tell me more. Yes, it seems very long too.
Maf54: who, denny? long? hahahqaha
Maf54: that fat pig? haha
Maf54: what if america found out that the entire republican leadership was just a front for NAMBLA?
God: Try it and see.
Maf54: no!
God: Why not?
Maf54: i don't think it would go well
God: And why not?
Maf54: most americans frown on man-boy love for some reason
God: And Europeans do not frown on man boy love?
Maf54: well, not the french.
Maf54: and the dutch...
God: Thanks for the info.
Maf54: no problem.
Maf54: well, i have to go raise money for my campaign. that stupid governor jeb is coming down.
God: Are you a man or a woman? " stupid governor jeb is coming down ? I understand.
Maf54: i'm a man. are you really god?
God: Of course I am.. Really.
Maf54: haha
God: I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Maf54: uh, are you? really?
God: Ayuh. For real.
Maf54: ummmm.
God: What do you really want to ask me?
Maf54: am i in trouble?
God: Your location is florida.
Maf54: yes, but will i get in trouble?
God: The oracle says: It is certain.
Maf54: oh shit.
Maf54: do you think i'll still get votes?
God: The oracle says: Could be.
Maf54: should i blame the alcohol ?
God: You must examine the facts and come to your own conclusion.
Maf54: facts are i'm a sick fuck...
God: I think there might be a few exception.
Maf54: really?
God: For real.
Maf54: god bless america.

'Tell me Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked?'

Man, I am in serious need of a shower after typing all that. So skeevy. I mean, the real thing is much worse, but still... I feel like repenting. Of course, that may not be safe either.

All kidding aside, the only good thing that comes from Foley's 'over-friendly' actions is the fact that it will surely wrest one more seat from corrupt Rethuglican hands. We've got to flush 'em all out, every single last one of them. They're all disgusting, corrupt, sick, twisted, mindless, heartless, dangerous whores acting as enablers for the most dangerous administration in the history of our country. And don't even get me started on the Senate.