DAYS

REMAINS of the DAYS: The One with the Leaking.
It was a strange week, was it not? The stench of corruption hung thick in the air as we all waited anxiously for Saint Patty McFitzmukkah, or whatever we’re calling him now, to deliver some news. Or was that smell maple syrup maybe? Whatever its origin, it smelled like bad news to the folks inside the White House. A sad corner turned in Iraq, an embarrassing end to the Harriet Miers debacle, and the Fitz dénouement on Friday all added up to one heckuva hellacious week for the Bushies. I’d feel bad for them if not for the fact that they’re a pack of lying, vicious assholes. The best news from Friday wasn’t that Scooter had been nabbed, but that the investigation isn’t over. Yes, it sucks that we will to wait some more, but Karl Rove, Dick Cheney and the rest of them have to sweat it out too, and that gives me a happy. The next few weeks and months should prove to be very, very interesting. While we wait, I invite you to reach into DAYS trick-or-treat bucket and grab yourself some Remains. Beware the razors in the candied apples though.

• I stand by my assertion from many months ago that the rallying cry should be “Get Dick,” not “Get Rove” or anything else. Cheney’s the Big Evil folks, and I think Fitzgerald has him in his sites. Scooter Libby, oft-referred to as ‘Cheney’s Cheney,’ on the grill and a continued investigation, can’t make Big Dick feel too good about his situation. This post from Sully’s blog explains why better than I ever could, although I did try. Is Scooter cooperating to Get Dick? Even more intriguing, could Karl Rove actually be cooperating to bring down Cheney and the entire WHIG crew?? Oh god, please don’t make me decide between Rove and Cheney. Can’t we just send them both to Abu Ghraib and be done with it?
• Objects in the mirror may not appear as slimy as they actually are.
• After Fitzgerald’s announcement Friday, I made the decision to tune out most of the speculative bleating over the weekend for fear my head would explode. Hunter over at Kos lets me know I made the right decision: “Having Ann Coulter on your network debating the "meaning" of the Fitzgerald investigation isn't relevant. It isn't useful. It's like watching a dog crap to music.”
• For some reason, I spent my Fitzmas Eve salivating for pancakes. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one. This comes straight from the ‘Seriously, WTF??’ file. It’s certainly news when this city doesn’t smell like shit, but this is a bit off the weird end, no? We know what you’re up to Vermont, you sneaky bastards.
• How in the world does Wonkette, the blogger queen of back-door politics, link to this nugget of Rove gossip from the Daily News but make no mention of a character named ‘Rhett Hard’?? Apparently, Rove’s rumored mistress Karen Johnson has “had enough” and her family “wants her to marry her handsome ranch foreman, Rhett Hard” who works on her property in Austin. Is it me, or is this entire saga resembling an episode of ‘Dallas’ more and more every day?
• Today, the News continues its parade of leak gossip by reprinting portions of Scooter’s ’96 novel, ‘The Apprentice,’ as revealed by The New Yorker’s Lauren Collins. According to Collins, Scooter wrote that “the main female character, Yukiko, draws hair on the 'mound' of a little girl" and "the brothers of a dead samurai have sex with his daughter." Huh? Oh, it gets even weirder, trust me. Collins reports that “other sex scenes are less conventional,” including this direct passage: "At age 10 the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest." My god, shouldn’t this guy have been indicted long ago for writing what seems to be bear-on-toddler porn?
• Scooter’s not only a freak, he’s a prophet too. The WaPO reported Libby once “quipped to an aide that he planned to stay as Vice President Cheney's top adviser until ‘I get indicted or something.’" Doh!
• Hey, guess who was in town today? Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi! Hey, guess who’s in the middle of the Nigerian yellowcake forgeries that led us to war and prompted the leak investigation? Italian intelligence! Hey, guess who refused to take any questions from the press during Silvio’s visit? President Bush! Hurray for secrecy and back-room confabs, it’s what makes America great!
• As winter fast approaches, the American public is rightly concerned about what’s expected to be record heating costs. Clearly, we’re all going to have to tighten our belts. Well, all of us except for this big fat bastard, who has apparently stuffed the record profits for the oil companies directly into his face. Or maybe that’s petroleum his jowls are bloated with. (thx Catch)
• Bush: “I’m sorry Harriet, this is just something I have to do.” Despite this, the President does ‘thank her for being a friend’, the bestest friend ever in fact. Also, in case you missed it, Miers went on SNL to defend herself, to the best of her drunken ability.
• Even Texas Republican Ron Paul knows that whenever someone from Team Bush says something like “out of tragedy comes an extraordinary strategic opportunity,” it typically means someone’s about to get bombed. Heads up Syria!
• Apparently, ‘Beam Me Up’ had an entirely different meaning for Mr. Sulu. Also, this may explain how ‘Bones’ got his nickname.
• Have you seen the iPod Flea yet? Jobs does it again!
• Check this out, 459 Mad Magazine covers on your desktop. Or, in honor of Halloween, check out this collection of horror movies. Or, how about hundreds of indie rock albums? My goodness, CoverPop rocks.
• What would it have been like if FOX News were around back in the day?
• Hey, did you see Jon Stewart kick Bill Kristol’s ass on The Daily Show this week? If not, I urge you to do so now. (thx OGM)
• Lastly, RIP Rosa Parks. You sat down to stand up for the rights of us all.