DAYS

WHO'S SORRY NOW?
Oh. My. God. The guy who got shot in the face last weekend just apologized to the drunk bastard that shot him in the face.

Whittington, 78, said he was sorry for all the trouble the incident had caused Cheney, as he spoke with reporters at the hospital for the first time since the Saturday shooting.

Meanwhile, the drunk bastard that shot him hasn't apologized for shit. In fact, he received a standing ovation today. I give up. I just totally give up.

Does this look like the face of someone who should apologize to anyone?

'Sorry for getting in the way of your gun sir.'

More from Whittington, who is clearly afraid that Cheney may shoot him again if he doesn't say the right things:

"We all assume certain risks in whatever we do. Regardless of how experienced, careful and dedicated we are, accidents do and will happen. And that's what happened last Friday," Whittington said, meaning on Saturday.

Yep, he's doing fine. Cheney shot him up so good, he doesn't even remember what day of the week it is. Either that, or this happened a day earlier than everyone suspected meaning it took Cheney 38 hours to sober instead of 14.

"I regret that I couldn't meet you earlier but you can see what a lucky person I am."

Uh huh. That sure does look like the face of a 'lucky person'.

"This past weekend encompassed all of us in a cloud of misfortune and sadness that's not easy to explain, especially to those not familiar with the great sport of quail hunting," he said. "My family and I are deeply sorry for all that Vice President Cheney and his family have had to go through this past week," Whittington said. "We hope that he will continue to come to Texas and seek the relaxation that he deserves.

Oh please. You know who deserves relaxation? The guy who got SHOT IN THE FACE, that's who! You know who else deserves relaxation? The thousands of soldiers Dick Cheney has sent off to serve double, triple, sometimes quadruple tours fighting a completely unecessary, poorly planned and wholly mismanaged war.

Dick Cheney should be shot. In the face. By Mr. Whittington. *

* and yes, I suspect the Secret Service will be at my door any minute for that one, but I don't care.

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