DAYS

KARL ROVE ABDUCTED NATALEE HOLLOWAY
Is this what we have to do to get the mainstream media to pull their heads out of their asses? Seriously, I'm at a loss. I realize that young Ms. Holloway's Aruban disappearance is tragic, and I'm certain that it's been horrible for her family and friends. I'm sympathetic to that, don't get me wrong, but I'm sick and tired of hearing about her. The girl is gone. After 60+ days, why does she still lead the news? Doesn't the media understand that a scandal worse than Watergate is brewing in the nation's capital? Hey, media, when you find out what happened to the poor girl, let us know. Until then, focus people, focus!

Why is W. flipping off the media? They're doing him a favor.

FOX News' Greta Van Susteran defends herself by touting the fact that "more people now know about Aruban law than they ever did before." Oh, well, thank god for that. Seriously, when Aruban law, at least when applied to pretty blonde girls from middle America, trumps breaches of national security and Oval Office coverups, our only recourse as poor, penniless bloggers is to attempt to link Karl Rove to Natalee's abduction. You never know, it's not really that far-fetched is it? The guy is pretty frickin' evil after all.

Wait, is that Rove on the beach in Aruba?? A-ha! Gotcha!!

Tired of boning up on your Aruban law? Here's a quick recap of recent developments in the ever-widening scandal that is the RoveGate:

• As it should, the "ongoing investigation" has expanded to include more than just the singular question of "who leaked Valerie Plame's name?" Special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald's probe now includes potential perjury charges against Rove and Scooter (and Bolton?), as well as the possibility of a full-blown coverup to knock down allegations that BushCo. lied us into war with Iraq. Remember what this is about: A Bullshit War and how we got here.
• And so what will the White House do to fight back against these potentially explosive and administration-ending charges? Smear, discredit and slime the special prosecutor of course. The same special prosecutor they appointed by the way.
• Oh, so when Bush said he would punish anyone found to be involved in the Plame leak, what he meant was he'd give them a raise. Yep, that's what happened to Rove, Scooter and friends this week, they got pay raises. Nice.
• Oh, and about that defense that Rove & Co. didn't realize Plame was undercover when they leaked her name? Um, yeah, bullshit. Maybe Rove, Scooter and friends mistook the big, huge "S" in the State Department memo for, uh, "So not classified." Yeah, that's it. (the "S", by the way, stands for "Secret")
• It was also reported over the weekend that after being notified an investigation into the leak was undreway, then White House counsel and present US Attorney General Alberto Gonzales waited 12 hours to inform administration officials that they must preserve all documents and communication related to the Plame matter. This revelation raises all sorts of questions about who may have been given advance warning of the investigation and therefore time to destory any incriminating evidence. This 12-hour gap (or was it an 84-hour gap?) will be scrutinized as closely as the infamous 18 1/2-minute gap in the Nixon tapes.
• Speaking of Nixon, the Watergate question was finally asked this week: "What did the President know and when did he know it?"
• Oh, and those stories that surfaced this week of a possible Rove sex scandal? Classic distraction, probably planted by Rove himself. Ignore them. I really don't give a shit if he screwed some Texas lobbyist. Hell, I don't care if he screwed an entire boy scout troop. What I do care about is the fact that he and all his cronies screwed the country. Besides, everyone knows Rove is screwing Jeff Gannon/Guckhert. Sheesh.
• And why hasn't there been a congressional investigation into this case? Oh, that's right, the Republicons are in charge. Here's a handy clock to tell us just how long it's taken the GOP congress to take action. Also included, the revelation that the GOP congress held at least 20 hearings about Clinton's blow job and at least zero hearings about this breach of national security. Of course.
• But they're not only ignoring the Rove case, they're also ignoring such inconsequential matters as a National Defense bill, you know, to defend the country. And why? Because it was more important to protect their friends in the NRA, that's why. Shameless idiots, all of 'em.

The leak. It's what's important.

MORE
Kuro5hin: 'F' Natalee Holloway
SwiftReport: Americans "bored" by "hard to follow" Rove story.
AllSpin: What about Latoyia Figueroa? Oh, wait, she's not white. Never mind.
Fiore: Double Super Secret Background
Avery Ant: Karl Rove, Sinister Sex Symbol
A few helpful Time Lines: FactCheck and DCCC

Rove gauges the amount of time he has left in his career.

YEAH, YEAH, WELCOME TO NYC...
NOW HANDS UP MOTHERFU**ERS!

Hey, anyone know the number of a good tour bus company?

It was a tense weekend here in the Baked Apple. In the wake of a second bomb attack on London's transit system last week, fear became fashionable again here in Gotham. After the news Friday that the NYPD would begin randomly searching straphanger bags and backpacks, an already nervous citizenry had its jitter level raised a few more notches after two high-profile security scares on Sunday. Thankfully, both incidents proved to be false alarms.

In the first, a tour bus approaching Times Square was halted, cordoned off and its riders searched after suspicions were raised by one of the passengers, undoubtedly some nervous Kansan who freaked when he saw his first-ever "brown-skinned" person. Turns out, the 'suspicious characters' didn't even have backpacks on. After an hour-long ordeal, the Daily News reports that the inconvenienced tourists were treated to lunch at Applebees. Excuse me? Applebees? I'm sorry, but if a squadron of New York's finest turn their sniper rifles on me in the middle of my tour, I expect something more than a plate of Riblets. At least take me to Ruby Foo's or something.

About an hour later and 15 blocks further south, some jackass at Penn Station, unhappy with an unhelpful ticket agent, decided to channel his frustration into a severely ill-advised 'I have a bomb in my bag' comment. Yeah, good thinking knucklehead. Within minutes, the station was cleared, thousands of passengers were inconvenienced and said jackass was apprehended. The security paranoia continued this morning when the Borough Hall subway station in Brooklyn was evacuated due to a bomb scare, about 5 minutes after I passed through it in fact. And no, I didn't have anything to do with it.



Understandably, we're all a bit unnerved by the recent uptick in terror attacks. I do wonder however about the logic of the NYPD's decision to conduct random bag searches on the subways. First off, if someone is willing to blow themselves up are they really going to be deterred by a potential frisking? Secondly, if commuters are given the option to simply refuse the search, won't a bomber just leave that entrance and find another one? Or simply blow himself up on the sidewalk? Thirdly, how the hell is my dealer supposed to get to me now? Dammit.

Seriously though, this is nothing more than a reactive policy, something to give the "appearance" of heightened security to make us feel safer, not to mention a potential violation of the 4th amendment. What was it that Ben Franklin said? "Those who would sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither liberty nor security." Exactly. All I'm saying is let's not get carried away. Let's not let terrorism get the best of us. We can't let fear and paranoia impair our judgment to the point where we begin pumping bullets into innocent Brazilians and launching unjust, poorly planned, bullshit wars against random nations for no good reason.

Oh shit, too late.

MORE
I Am F'ing Terrified
Gawker: Fear Is Back!
Missoulian: Loss of Liberty Can't Buy Safety
VV: 'I Do Not Consent'
CafePress: Get the T-shirt!

WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG
For those of you wondering, this blogger has been receiving sunshine therapy at the beach the past several days. He will resume his attempts to take down the government through snarky commentary and photos of B-list muppet characters after one more beer.



Ok, two more beers.

SCOTUS INTERRUPTUS
Straight from the impeccable timing files comes yesterday's decision by the Bush administration to move up the announcement of W's Supreme Court Justice nominee. The plan only days ago had apparently been to hold out as long as possible to annonce the nominee, thereby limiting the amount of time available to argue over confirmation hearings. For some reason, that decision was scrapped and Bush's selection, Mr. Roberts, was rushed to the podium last night. And darn it, I can't remember now what it was that pre-empted the delay plan... what was it that seemed so important only a few days ago? Darn. Darn. Darn.


Oh, wait, I remember now! It's the fact that the White House is filled with a bunch of manipulative, vindictive, lying warmongers willing to risk our national security to enact political revenge. Phew! I almost forgot about that! (Thanks for the pic Maru)

Oh, and what do I think of SCOTUS Justice nominee John Roberts? Well, I don't know much about the guy yet, but you should probably run out and get an abortion now before its too late.


Look how cute the world would be if we could only overturn Roe v. Wade. There'd be hordes of carefree, toe-headed kids in shortpants dancing through the streets. On second thought, that scares the crap out of me. Fight this appointment. Fight it hard.

MORE
LC: Wow, it's getting hot in here.
AProspect: "Joe Wilson's wife used to date Idi Amin."
Fineman: "He moved the whole stadium."
WTF Is It Now?: On Roberts

OF SCOOTERS & BIG DICKS
Ever since the Rove story began picking up steam, I've had this niggling fear. You see, Karl Rove scares me. Always has, probably always will. Hey, stop laughing... I don't think I'm alone in my fear, the guy's like Dr. Evil without the sharks. Or maybe he does have sharks... sharks that actually do have frickin' laser beams on their heads.



But really, this entire time I've worried that Rove has something up his big fat evil sleeve. He's just too damn smart to let something like this happen. I've thought, 'What if this is just one, big master distraction? What if this is just something to take the focus off the chaos in Iraq, the Downing Street Memo, or a host of other problems and scandals that continue to plague this administration?' But that doesn't make sense because all the problems in Iraq and questions about the march to war are directly tied to this leak probe. Don't forget that by the way.

So why would Rove do what he did? Why would he leave himself so open? What dastardly trap is he setting for us all? This weekend, I think some answers to those questions began to take shape, and they have everything to do with a guy named Scooter. Yes, that's right, Scooter.

Does this look like a face you can trust??

Lewis "Scooter" Libby is Dick Cheney's Chief-of-Staff, sometimes referred to as "the guy behind the guy behind the guy". Matt Cooper from TIME Magazine confirmed yesterday that Scooter was indeed among his White House sources who had tipped him off to Plame's role within the CIA. Meanwhile, conservative "journalist" Robert Novak (aka douchebag, aka Republican shill) has said he had 2 high-level administration sources he spoke with about Plame. We know Rove was one, who was the other? I'm thinking Scooter. Rove also claims that he learned about Plame from Novak, but who did Novak learn about Plame from? Again, I'm thinking Scooter. Lastly, Rove's lawyer, Robert Luskin, has been adament that his client "is not a target of the investigation." Well, then, who is? Again, Scooter comes to mind. And do you think Scooter does anything without Big Dick knowing about it? Somehow I doubt it.

So could it be possible that Karl Rove has been taking the heat so Cheney won't have to? Maybe we shouldn't be sucked in by the 'Get Rove' obsession and instead begin beating the drums to 'Get Dick'? (yeah, I said 'beat' and 'get dick' in the same sentence, have a field day Wonkette) Maybe I left the flaming poo on the wrong doorstep this weekend.

And Bush? Yeah, he didn't know a damn thing. The guy probably still giggles when he even hears the word "leak." Although, maybe the release of these photos less than a month before the Novak piece hit in the summer of 2003 was more than just another bumble by our bumblefuck president? He is after all riding (falling off) a 'Scooter.'



Hmmmmmmmmmm.

MORE
Time: 'What I Told the Grand Jury', by Matthew Cooper
AmProg: Who is Scooter Libby?
BBC: Bush Fails the Segway Test
Fineman: Rove at War
Rocketboom: Drinking With Scotty

DESPERATE WHITE HOUSE LIES
Emmy nominations were handed out this morning in Los Angeles to Desperate Housewives, Will & Grace and the like, all of which are surely deserving of their nods. But I think maybe Hollywood should've cast its eye East, toward Washington DC, where we've seen some performances in recent days plenty worthy of Emmy consideration. And the winners are...

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR
George W. Bush.
Considering he must feel as though his world is about to come crashing down on him, he appears pretty calm. He was even able to manage a chuckle during this morning's "reverse perp walk" with Karl Rove. Of course, we know he's able to manage a laugh just about anywhere, anytime. Oh, and for those of you interested, there was no man-handing during this morning's stroll with Karl.

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTORS
The Right-Wing Media and Other Surrogates.
For a day, these players were mostly silent, but on Tuesday the GOP talking points we're distributed and the swarm began. The Coulters, O'Reillys and Rushes jumped into action, pundits suggested Bush give Karl a medal, and Republican congressmen called for the media to be shot. Chief among the GOP talking points is the cry that Rove is the victim of a vicious smear campaign by the radical Left. And who knows a smear campaign better than the bestest damn smearer there ever was, Karl Rove. (See Swift Boats, McCain's mental fitness and bastard child whisper campaign, false bugging claims, etc.)

OUTSTANDING PROSTHETIC MAKE-UP (no really, that's a category)
Karl Rove.
Come on, look at the guy. He could be one of the Klumps. The white Klump.

OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTOR
Bob Woodward.
If offering oneself up to serve jail-time in lieu of Judith Miller isn't worth some kind of award, I don't know what is. Of course, he's probably just trying to find away to get inside a women's prison, which is also admirable. I mean really, have you seen some of those movies? Meow!

OUTSTANDING DOUCHEBAG
Robert Novak.
Just because.

OUTSTANDING REALITY PROGRAM: As we are no longer living in a reality-based community, there will be no nominees for this category.

OUTSTANDING MUSIC: To whoever put this little remix together. Kudos. (audio)

Congratulations to all the winners. Enjoy your Emmys.

Don't worry Karl, you can collect your statuette when you get out.

I'm off to DC for the weekend. While there, I'll be sure to leave a big bag of flaming poo on Hot Karl's doorstep. After all, someone's gotta do it.

Flaming Turdblossom. heh.

MORE
LeftCoaster: Debunking Karl's Talking Points
Burka: Who is this Karl Rove you speak of?
WhiteHouse.org: Karl Rove Needs Your Support!
Norbiz: Karl Rove... Father, Mother, Occassional Lover.
NYO: The Great DC Plame-Out and Double Super Secret Background
Hunter: Republicans Support Treason
RoveHo: I Heart Karl Rove!

ALIENS ON THE HILL
Not that this should come as a surprise, but The Hill reports (4th item) that a new book to be released later this year will make the claim that aliens have infiltrated our nation’s capitol. In the book, titled “Capitol Offense: Alien Incursions of Restricted Airspace”, author and editor of Unicus Magazine Robert Stanley reveals that UFOs have been hovering over DC for more than 50 years:

As recently as May 2 of this year “a fleet of UFOs once again passed through restricted airspace undeterred.” According to an eyewitness, one of the objects “was about 15 times or more the size of a 747 … easily.” That’s nothing compared to the activity July 4 and 16, 2002, when a bevy of extraterrestrial activity had UFOs flying through the fireworks display, submerging in the reflecting pool and even “encircl[ing] and land[ing] on the Capitol Building roof and the surrounding park area late that night!”

Not coincidentally, it was also announced today that Ohio congressman and former presidential nominee Dennis Kucinich has abducted himself a wife and will marry later this summer. Congratulations Kooch. Or should I say, “buy' ngop!” (audio)

IN SOLIDARITY
London, we stand with you today.



Be proud. Be strong. Be British.

MORE
We Are Not Afraid
AP: Britons Honor Victims
CSM: From NY to London
9/11 Sites Moment of Silence

LET THE FROG MARCH BEGIN
In Augsut of 2003, former ambassador and BushCo. thorn Joseph Wilson had this to say:

"At the end of the day it's of keen interest to me to see whether or not we can get Karl Rove frog-marched out of the White House in handcuffs."

Well Joe, it's beginning to look like the frogs are marching.



The sphere (that's 'blogosphere' to you and me) is afire today with stories of Karl Rove's involvement in the outing of Valerie Plame, a covert CIA agent whose husband, Joseph Wilson, has been an outspoken, longtime critic of Bush's war in Iraq and the intelligence used to justify it. Two years ago, almost to the day, Plame was outed as a CIA agent in a column by conservative columnist Robert Novak in an attempt to discredit her husband who was, at the time, calling bullshit on the Bush administration's now debunked claim of Saddam seeking yellowcake uranium from Niger in order to justify its invasion. Novak cited senior White House officials as his source.

This raised more than an eyebrow in Washington because it is, for obvious reasons, a federal crime to knowingly reveal the identity of an undercover intelligence operative still in the field. For two years an investigation has been underway to discover who the leaker was. Back in October 2003, President Bush promised to punish the offender to the full extent of the law if and when he/she was discovered. Apparently, Bush's prediction at that time that the leaker may never be found was simply wishful thinking. Mr. President, it appears you may have to put on your punishin' shoes, if you own any that is. Or maybe you just want to grant the offending leaker, who appears to be your turdblossom buddy Karl Rove, a medal or something. That does seem to be your way.

A Newsweek story released yesterday cites e-mails between Time Magazine reporter Matthew Cooper (the one not in jail) and his editors which finger Rove as the "double super secret source" of the Plame leak. In a surreal press briefing today, press secretary Scott McLellan squirmed and squirmed and squirmed as the press corps woke up and demanded answers. Poor Scotty provided none. Crooks & Liars has the video here, it's a must-watch. Funnily enough, the White House failed to post video of today's briefing on its website, as Catch points out. By the way, here's what Scotty had to say in September 2003 about Rove's possible involvement in the Plame leak:

"I've made it very clear that it was a ridiculous suggestion in the first place. I saw some comments this morning from the person who made that suggestion, backing away from that. And I said it is simply not true. So, I mean, it's public knowledge. I've said that it's not true. And I have spoken with Karl Rove ... He's aware of what I've said, that there is simply no truth to that suggestion."

Uh huh. The frogs do indeed appear to be marching.



Of course, the Rove apologists respond that Bush's 'boy genius' didn't do anything wrong. Their defense? That he didn't reveal Plame by name. He only said that "Joe Wilson's wife" was a CIA agent, but never named her. Oh sure, that should clear him. It would've been extremely difficult to determine who Joe Wilson's wife was based on such vague information. Hell, a reporter would have to spend countless minutes on Google to figure it out. And really, what reporter is going to do that much work?

Lastly, let's not forget the bigger picture here. Why was Rove doing what he was doing? To sell a bullshit war to the American people, that's why. Don't forget that.

See you in the hoosegow Karl.

(Thanks to One Good Move for the photo.)

MORE
Frank Rich: Worse than Watergate
Countdown: It Was Rove (video)
Kos: Fun With Splicing.
Digby: On Everything.
Wonkette: Knew all along
Bloggerman: Politics first, counter-terrorism second. It’s as simple as that.
Everyone seems to have something to say about this. Even Taiwan.
TRati: karl rove

OH, FOX OFF YOU FOXING FOXERS
Sometimes, while watching TV, I get so upset that I just want to scream, "ASSHOLES!" at the top of my lungs. These times typically come when I sacrifice my sanity by watching FOX News for more than 30 seconds at a time. This afternoon was no different. After a 15-minute, up-in-arms, 'how could she?' segment about how treasonous it was for Hillary Clinton to have compared the President to MAD Magazine's bumbling, iconic mascot Alfred E. Neuman, Brit Hume and friends spent an entire 3 minutes poo-pooing the Karl Rove story as insignificant. During that 3 minutes, the news crawl at the bottom of the screen continued to bleat about Hillary's traitorous comments.

Hey, fuckwads, a quick lesson for you: Comparing the president to an iconic fictional character with questionable intelligence? Rather juvenile but mostly accurate, and definitely not treasonous. Revealing the identity of a covert CIA agent at the front lines of the war on terrror in order to exact political revenge? Now that's treason.

FOX News: They Report, You Change the Channel. Hopefully.

Oh, fuck you too Karl Rove.

UPPER LIP? PLENTY STIFF.
I was wondering if it was ok to follow-up on the London attacks, whether or not it was still too early to be, oh, glib for lack of a better term (thanks Tom). Then I realized that Gawker, those insensitive bastards, didn't even wait a few hours to be glib. So I've decided it's ok to move forward. After all, if I don't keep blogging the terrorists win, don't they?

Reactions to the strikes were mixed. Most were horrified, as they should be. Some we're callous, which we'll get to. And others were opportunisitic, which we'll also get to. But the best reaction, by far, was by the Britons themselves. Absolutely resolute. Determined. Tough. Very stiff upper lippy. Kudos to you all. Just don't let Tony Blair talk you into invading Syria or something...



But as I was saying, some people are assholes. Namely Americans. No, wait, that's not fair. Americans are kind, it's our news people who suck. How about we start with FOX News, where a virtual cornucopia of asshole behavior was on display Thursday. First, there was Brit Hume, who revealed that his first thought after hearing of the attacks was, well, to profit from them. "My first thought when I heard -- just on a personal basis, when I heard there had been this attack and I saw the futures this morning, which were really in the tank, I thought, "Hmmm, time to buy." He's so a Republican.

Then there was the morning 'FOX & Friends' crew, where they only cater to "regular" people. You know, non-Arabs: "These people are, if necessary, prepared to spill Arab blood in addition to the blood of regular -- of non-Arab people living in London." But you can't say the 'Friends' don't always look for the positive. Host Brian Kilmeade expressed his belief that the timing of the attacks "works to our advantage." Nice. And lastly there's anchor John Gibson, who apparently doesn't care much for France: "If they had picked France instead of London to hold the Olympics, it would have been the one time we could look forward to where we didn't worry about terrorism. They'd blow up Paris, and who cares?" Qu'un connard.

The best media reaction? Maxim UK Editor Greg Gutfeld, who faithfully blogged away in the midst of all the chaos:

"I am back at my desk... i am drinking Cobra extra smooth premium doubled filtered lager. It’s from India. I was going to go to the gym, but now i’m not. life’s too short and i am drunk. fuck the gym. the thing about terrorism is, it’s another reason not to go to the gym. I might not even shower - screw those bastards." (more)

I think Maxim girl Carmen Electra may have been with good 'ol Gutfeld last Thursday. At least I hope she was.



There, don't you feel better now? Don't worry, we'll get through this together. We've got Carmen.

MORE
FOX: They Report. Badly.
Nation: Conservatives Can't Fathom British Resolve
Kos: Remember This?
Wonkette: How is HE Always There?
The Biggest Jackass? Someone named Omarion.
But no, even Omarion isn't a bigger jackass than this guy.

THOUGHTS FROM NEW YORK
To our friends in London, our hearts are with you today.

Be safe. Be vigilant. Be strong.

MORE
Y!UK: Full Coverage
BBC: Radio 5 Live
Guardian: NewsBlog
Londonist: Ongoing
WikiNews: Ongoing
CNN: Timeline of Blasts
N.C.: London Pride

EMERGENCY HOTLINE: 0870 1566 344

A VOW
I will not blog on my birthday. I will not blog on my birthday. I will not blog on my birthday. I will not blog on my birthday.

Crap, I just blogged on my birthday.

AMERICA BLOWS...
... out the candles baby! Yeah, yeah, I'm sure a few of you would probably expect me to say it actually blows, that only a person who hates America and hates freedom could write a blog like this. But make no mistake about it, I love this country. And I speak out because I love it. Armando over at Kos agrees:

... to not speak out when the US, on the path Bush has taken us, hurtles toward a catastrophe in the making that will lead us to a place where we lose the greatness of the United States of America, now that would be unpatriotic. We MUST, as good Americans, speak out against that which we know is wrong. And we do. And we will.

Happy Birthday America, you big, dumb, lovable galoot you.
We'll get it right one of these days.



Oh, and Karl Rove? Does this seem very patriotic to you?

And here are some fireworks.

HEY, RUMMY, LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE
When Michael Jackson sees Cub Scouts, he sees potential dates. When Don Rumsfeld sees Cub Scouts, he sees a potential Army.

Seriously, this recruiting problem is getting way out of hand.

MORE
VV: The Pentagon Scouts for Cannon Fodder
WaPO: Pentagon Creating Student Database
DAYS: An Army of One?
Leave My Child Alone