DAYS

WHAT A FREAKIN' TURKEY
(Bramhall, Daily News)

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone. Enjoy your humble pie George.

THINK HE GOT LEIED?
Um, ewwww. This is going to make it really difficult to keep the pumpkin pie down on Thursday. Really, really difficult.

Must've thought it was Merkel.

Man, that is so wrong... on so many levels. Gotta go rinse off now.

BUT, BUT, WAIT...


But, but, wait... didn't all you Republicans poo-poo as utter nonsense the idea that your cozy relationships with Big Oil had everything to do with gas prices magically lowering just before the elections? Why then, all of a sudden, are prices on the rise again?

'Maybe no one will remember this...'

But, but, wait John... didn't you say just a few years back that the Jerry Falwells of the world are 'agents of intolerance'. So then why are you hiring his people now? And hey, didn't you also say something about offing yourself if the Dems won the election? Seriously, why are you still on this mortal coil? Mr. Straight Talk my ass.

'Yes, but it's your fault for believing me...'

But, but wait Unca Dick... didn't you say that the escalating violence in Iraq these last few months was simply a result of the terrorists trying to influence our elections? Since those elections are over, how come the violence has continued to rage? How come 75 bodies were found over the last 24 hours in Baghdad? How come 112 people were killed there yesterday? How come we're seeing mass kidnappings? Huh Unca Dick, what's that all about?


Over the weekend, a morgue worker tends to body bags is Baquba, Iraq, in the province of Diyala, east of Baghdad. In April there were four civilian homicides a day, and now there are ten a day.

But, but wait, Georgie... didn't you say...

'Then they made me put on a dress!'

Oh, who cares what you say. Are you still talking? Seriously, just StFU already.

ME THINKS 'THUMPING' WAS A EUPHEMISM
You've got something on your face.

Preznit McLoser just can't catch a break, can he? It was a rough week, to say the least. I almost feel bad... but then I remember I pretty much hate the guy. And then I laugh. The electorate smashed him at the polls, his critics repeatedly battered him, even his own party managed to pop him a few times. These beatings, of course, are only figurative. This one, however, was not:

President Bush's wax likeness is taking a thumpin' these days at Madame Tussaud's celebrity waxworks in Las Vegas. Bush's head suffered about $25,000 in damages when a Madame Tussaud's visitor attacked it."This was the most damage" to one of the wax figures, Jack Taylor, spokesman for the museum, said. "People are always touching them, but this was pretty rare."

Who ever said Bush couldn't accomplish anything? He's got the title for 'Most Beat Down Wax Figure in History' yo! So shut up, ya mofos.

And it gets worse. The official Democratic Senate Proctologist, Henry Waxman, is stretching on the rubber gloves and getting ready for an extremely thorough probing. Only problem? There's so much shit, he doesn't even know where to begin. Meanwhile, W's former Neocronies are trying to slink out the back door, throwing daggers at his back as they do. Still others are twisting the knife in over the timing of the Rumsfeld firing.

And then there are the polls. The latest numbers on King Decider's popularity create cause for a revival of our efforts to inform the Preznit in a simple, easy-to-understand manner of just how unpopular he is. Hey Loser, take a look...

From way downtown. Bang.

Got it? And no, that doesn't mean it's Miller Time. Seriously sir, lay off the sauce.

Lastly, since we're on the subject of polls, everyone catch this one?

An MSNBC online poll shows that the overwhelming majority of its participating voters believe President Bush should be impeached. The poll asked the question, "Do you believe President Bush's actions justify impeachment?" Of nearly 360,000 people who had voted, 87 percent responded "Yes." (thx D-Ren)

Oh snap. I know it's unscientific and all, but goddam that's unpopular. Loser.

(thx Ash!)

MORE
Worker #3116: We Did It!
Our Manifesto: Right Was Right
The Prez is my Friend: Crrrrrap!
Morford: Eleven New and Happy Things
Colbert: Special Memories of a Special Majority
MediaNeedle: Journey to the Bottom of the Polls

AHHHH, MEMORIES
Laughing at the exiting Republicans never seems to get old, does it?



Nope, sure doesn't.

STAND DOWN SIR
My goodness...

GOP officials: Rumsfeld stepping down

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, architect of an unpopular war in Iraq, intends to resign after six stormy years at the Pentagon, Republican officials said Wednesday. Officials said Robert Gates, former head of the CIA, would replace Rumsfeld.

The development occurred one day after congressional elections that cost Republicans control of the House of Representatives, and possibly the Senate as well. Surveys of voters at polling places said opposition to the war was a significant contributor to the Democratic Party's victory.

Good riddance, ya crazy old fucker. Better get your suit ready for the Hague.



'As we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say, we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don't know we don't know.' -- D. Rumsfeld, February '02

Hey, you know what I know? You're toast pal. Don't let the door hit you in the ass.

WHAT'S UP, YA BIG LOSER?
'Hey, where'd my mandate go?'

Don't worry Preznit Asshat...



... he's still around. And he has a lot more free time on his hands now.

Hells yeah, bitchez. This feels sooooo much better than '04. You're on an island now, ya big loser. Just you, your vapid wife, crazy Unca Dick, and your little dog too. Have fun with all that.



'I'm told this has never happened before in the modern history of American politics. Spin that, President Shrub.' -- Billmon

ELECTION GOODNESS
FDL: Meet the Losers
The General: Little Green Throbbing Veins
SadlyNo: As they listen for an echo, I only hear a roar
NYO: The No-Win Zone (A gloomy night for FOX News)

HUGE NEWS!!
America has spoken. The people have expressed a strong desire to rid itself of shoddy, no-talent performers and lazy, do-nothing slobs. Yes, the constituents have spoken, and the will of the people is finally being served. It is with great excitement that I'm able to report the following:

Britney Spears divorcing Kevin Federline

Hallelujah and Amen. Maybe now, America can finally get back on track.

Oh, and the Dems have recaptured the House. That's good news too.



Congratulations. Now get to work... you've got lots to do.

CAN'T WAIT FOR ELECTION DAY
He has reason to sweat.

It would be completely understandable for someone to be a bit jaded about the U.S. election system. What some have tried to claim as our ‘greatest export’ has been nothing short of a shambles in recent efforts, from hanging chads in Florida to midnight lines and voter suppression in Ohio. On top of that, there's been an unbelievable stench of corruption and incompetence, even by political standards, rising from the swamp that is our nation's capital these past 6+ years. It’s easy to understand skepticism, hesitancy or disinterest amongst the voting public.

But for me, watching the Rethugs flail about in panic these last few weeks has been great fun. The desperate last gasps and hail marys of this den of thieves has been truly inspiring. They've got nothing, and it shows. They tried to roll out gay marriage again, but to no avail. This weekend’s outing of supreme evangelical mobilizer Pastor Ted as a closeted meth fiend exposed the GOP base as a lost flock led by immoral hypocrites. Not the greatest of motivators. They also attempted to use their favorite liberal punching bag, John Kerry, and his ‘botched joke’ as motivation, but last I checked Kerry wasn’t on the ballot. Keith Olbermann offers up the definitive response to that malarkey right here.

Shameless. Republican. (h/t D-Ren)

And of course, they’ve used their favorite tactic of painting Democrats as weak, Osama-loving terrorist sympathizers who will hand-deliver a dirty bomb to each and every one of our living rooms if we let them win. But even that doesn’t seem to be working. Finally, it appears the citizenry has sniffed out the bullshit these guys have been serving for so long. We’ll find out for sure tomorrow.

It’s time for these guys to go. This is why I can’t wait for Election Day.

Bush was out on the stump all last week, to the chagrin of most of the candidates he went to support I might add, making the audacious claim that if the Democrats prevail, the terrorists win and America loses. Then, not a day later, he had the temerity to say he doesn't like the divisive tone in Washington these days. This from a guy, and a party, that has put some of the most despicable, divisive, incendiary rhetoric onto the airwaves the last few days that we've seen since, since... well, the last time they went out campaigning.

Republicans make babies cry.

This from a party who is home to candidates who slap wheelchair-bound opponents afflicted with MS. Home to candidates who physically abuse dissenters. Home to people who have so little shame, they’re willing to cart out their wives to slam both Michael J. Fox and a disabled Iraq war vet. Home to a party that thinks Iraq is only important to ‘liberal media types.’ A party more interested in protecting its grip on power then protecting children from sexual predators within its own ranks.

This is why I can’t wait for Election Day.

This ruling party is nothing but a den of corrupt, hypocritical, power-mad, oil-guzzling, money-hungry, paranoid, apocalyptic, fear-mongering liars, thieves and perverts. In short, the 109th Congress, by far, is the Worst Congress Ever, guilty of each and every one of the 7 Deadly Sins. It needs to be purged now. There are 109 reasons. At least.



For years now this Congress has sat by in silence, allowing the administration to shape a false reality. To say missions were accomplished when they had hardly even begun. To repeatedly and baselessly cart out unsubstantiated rhetoric (‘last throes’, ‘dead enders’, etc.) painting a false picture of progress. To claim so many ‘turned corners’ that they’ve spun us all into an endless, vicious, circle of violence and bullshit. And lately, to try and push the idea that the violence in Iraq exists simply because the terrorists are trying to influence our elections, as though it hadn't already gone to hell in a hand-basket long ago.

This is why I can’t wait for Election Day.

Instead of a plan or a strategy or even a recognition that things aren’t working, the Bushies have just forged ahead with their flawed ideology. And Congress has let it happen. Their incompetence is astounding. As Andrew Sullivan said last week, ‘if you liked Katrina, you’re loving Iraq.’ As many as 655,000 have been killed in this pointless endeavor. More than 300,000 have been displaced. That's a pretty big freaking 'comma' right there.

More than 3,000 US soldiers have been killed, surpassing the number of fatalities in the very tragedy these bastards so cynically exploited to get their war on in the first place. And let’s not forget the several thousand wounded, many who are permanently disabled, that never seem to be reported or discussed. And then there are the emotionally scarred for life crowd, numbering surely in the upper thousands. This female soldier falls into both the ‘psychologically wounded’ and ‘mortally wounded’ categories. She killed herself after her objections to US interrogation techniques were summarily ignored by her superiors. The government tried to cover that fact up.



This is why I can’t wait for Election Day.

Oh, and in case there are some members of our cash-crazy Congress in the audience, let me speak in terms that may actually mean something to you: This war, the one that was supposed to pay for itself, could cost us upwards of $2 trillion. For you, I’m sure that figure resonates more than any in the previous paragraph. That's money that you could spend on hookers, and golf junkets, and limosuines.

As big a failure as the Iraqi misadventure has been, these bastards don’t plan on changing a thing. The military reports that Iraq is on the brink of chaos? No matter, we’ve got benchmarks! The military calls for the head of Donald Rumsfeld? Bush scoffs, plans to do nothing of the sort. And Cheney? It’s ‘full-speed ahead’ for Deadeye Dick, damn what the people want, and damn the torpedoes. We should all be very frightened that Cheney plans to be armed on Election Day. We should all wear bright orange.

'Grrrrrrrr! Arghhhhh… ter’ists! Garrrg!'

And how about that GOP-led Congress? Can we maybe count on them to grow a pair these last two years if they remain in power? Here’s House leader John Boehner on the Rummy question last week:

BOEHNER: Let's not blame what's happening in Iraq on Rumsfeld.
WOLF BLITZER: But he's in charge of the military.
BOEHNER: But the fact is, the generals on the ground are in charge.

So, ummmm, no hope there then. Great.

God. I can’t wait for Election Day.

I’ll let Eddie take it from here… (listen)

the world has come undone
like to change it everyday
change don't come at once
it's a wave building before it breaks

can't wait for election day
witness the occupation
corporations rule the day
well you know the pendulum throws
farther out to the one side, swinging
has to sweep back the other way

the world has come undone
another day and who can wait
change don't come at once
it's a wave building before it breaks

all this hope and nowhere to go
this is how i used to feel, but no more

the world has come undone
like a game that few can play
change don't come from one
it's a wave building before it breaks.

Please vote tomorrow. Be part of this wave. We must change things. Now.

MORE
Ga10: Protect Your Vote
C&L: Olbermann's Comment
C&L: Clinton Stumps for Webb
Rove's last stand? Annoying Robocalls
Simpsons: The Day the Earth Looked Stupid

YEP, THAT ABOUT SUMS IT UP
Just about everything you need to know, in one convenient 4 1/2 minute clip. Enjoy.

(thx Shakes)

Don't forget to vote Tuesday. And make sure it counts.

THE LESSER OF TWO FREAK SHOWS
I know, I know... where the hell have I been? I'm sure all three of my loyal readers are wondering that (hi Mom!), but life has kind of taken over a bit the past month or so. In addition to some temporarily debilitating eye surgery, I went and got engaged. I must say, Ted and I couldn't be happier!

I really thought refocusing some of my energies on wedding planning would be a nice respite from the freak show that is US politics, a world that was beginning to wear me down in all honesty. But then, I came across this video while searching for bands.

Seriously, it doesn't get any more frightening than that, not even in politics. And so, with that, I plan to return to regular blogging just in time for a pre-election rant on Monday. I'll have a new style and regular postings beginning next week, so please stay tuned.

Oh, and by the way, Preznit Nimrod?

'Plans are for pussies!'

How's YOUR fucking plan working out? Freakin' Idjit.

(Hey, here''s a plan! And from progressive Dems no less! Whaddya know?!)