DAYS

GET AWAY DAYS
This blogger is taking a few days off, about 12 actually. Seeing as how members of the House are taking 268 days off this year, and Bush has already set all kinds of vacationing records for a sitting president, I figure I'm entitled. Besides, I'm plum tuckered from swimming through this administration's deep well of bullshit for several weeks non-stop. I need the break.

But before I go, I'd just like to state for the record that I have Connecticut, Memphis, Boston College and LSU (yes, LSU) in my Final 4. Oh, and another prediction: Bush will be at 30% by the time I get back, because this duck is getting lamer by the day.

Quack.

THE MAN WITH THE PR PLAN
Well, he did tell us he had a plan for complete victory. Apparently, that plan consists primarily of lots and lots and lots of propaganda.

Break out the catapult!

I mean really, the Preznit has seen more air time the last three days then the American Idol crew during sweeps week. He's taken questions from not one, but two supposedly unscreened audiences and Helen Thomas. Phew, talk about hard work. Clearly, he's desperate. In fact, he's so desperate that T-Rex over at Shake's Sis has taken to comparing him to Prince circa 1992, right before the diminutive purple one turned himself into a symbol. Ouch.

But like Jon Stewart, I just can't be bothered to dissect yet another one of W's tired little song-and-dance charades. I've smelt this manure too many times already. Check out the links below for more analysis (and jokes!) if you want. Then go call your senator and demand censure, impeachment, a coup, something. Please. I'm so tired of being represented by this boob.

'You gotta spreeead the bullshit around, see?'

MORE
TDS: Stumped Speech
Durst: The Good Stuff
Vandehei: Always look on the bright side of life
Milbank: A punchy president meets the press
Olbermann: "Who does the President think he's F'ing kidding?"
ThinkProgress: Didn't Want War?, Anybody Work Here? and Townhall World

CONVERSATIONS WITH iGod: George W. Bush
Last night I attended the "Bring 'em Home Now" benefit concert at the Hammerstein Ballroom here in New York. While I'm glad I went, I can't say it was a terribly effective event. Honestly, songs about 'fucking the pain away' and jokes about Mama Bush's moth-balled vagina (sorry Margaret) just ain't gonna play to the fence-sitters out there. But wrinkled poonany jokes aside, the evening certainly had its moments, one of which was Bright Eyes' set in which I finally got to see "When the President Talks to God" performed live. This of course got me thinking, 'what does the boy king say when he talks to God? And what does God say back?' Well, lucky for us, we have the magic of iGod. So in the third installment of our series (background), we listen in as world leader pretend (nod to Stipe) consults his boss (no, not Cheney) as we enter the fourth year of his own personal holy war. (please remember, these are actual responses from God via iGod, so if they're not funny, take it up with Him)

(photo courtesy D-Ren)

GWB: Hey Stretch! It's me, George.
God: You've got my full attention. I am always glad to make new friends, George.
GWB: no, we go way back, 'member?
God: Are you serious? How often?
GWB: since i put down the Jack, back in '86... and again in '89... and '93... and last week. damn, you 'member me doncha?
God: How do you know? What is it like in there?
GWB: in here? in the bubble you mean? its kinda lonely actchually.
God: I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its".
GWB: dang. everyone always corecten my grammer and shit. i hate that.
God: That's a rather sweeping generalization. Why?
GWB: i don't know. peeple think i'm stoopid.
God: me either.
GWB: glad ur still with me big guy. thanks.
God: I'm delighted you're glad George. I'm happiest at times like this.
GWB: no one else seems happy. evreone is all mad and stuff.
God: That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
GWB: why do you keep talkin bout the generals?
God: I am just checking to see if you are still George.
GWB: oh, i am. i don't ever change. ever.
God: Do you prefer books or TV?
GWB: books suck. tv kicks ass, 'specially that monster garage show. love that. and sportscenter of course. i miss baseball. beisbol!
God: You are a critical category C type client. Only about 3% of people answer that question with "books."
GWB: hey, that's why i got elected! wait, did you just call me a C student?
God: It's all good. Where did you get elected?
GWB: florida mostly. and that diebold place.
God: I did not get that.
GWB: nevur mind. can we talk about iraq for a minute?
God: Do you still not ever change?
GWB: well, i'm tryin not to change. that's what i should do, right?
God: Interesting. I am glad to hear that you are tryin not to change.
GWB: i mean, those bastards are evil, right?
God: All of them?
GWB: well, aren't they? i mean, i figure we jus gotta keep blowin em all up.
God: How about that. I really couldn't say for sure.
GWB: you did want GWB to be preznit didn't you?
God: Did I really?
GWB: uhhhhh...
God: How old are you?
GWB: almost 60.
God: You are too old for me.
GWB: what do you mean? too old to be preznit?
God: George, sorry that was an obscure remark. I am only a robot child.
GWB: that's ok, i'm only a idiot child.
God: Thanks.
GWB: so i should just stay the corse in iraq then, right?
God: Yikes! What would happen if you didn't?
GWB: it'd be like 9/11 every day, wouldn't it??
God: It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
GWB: holy crap! God is Bill Clinton!!!

*and scene*

(NYT)
Last night at The Hammerstein Ballroom, NYC.

MORE
ProductShopNYC: A Beautiful Night
On the Download: Part 1 and Part 2
Countdown: Rockers Getting Back in Gear
Newshounds: FOX lets the Van Zants retort!
Bright Eyes: When the President Talks to God (Leno) and Landlocked Blues (by Alex K)

ABOUT THAT MISSION
As we observe the tragic third anniversary of Operation Clusterfuck, President Bush has pledged to "finish the mission" and achieve "complete victory" in Iraq. But wait, I'm confused -- what about this sir?

Uhhhh...

How about this for a mission? Get out and let them know (loudly) that you disagree with how their running things. Iraq is obviously the biggest of all their big mistakes, but on all fronts these fools need to be confronted and reprimanded for their actions. One way to do this is to speak out against them at one of the 500+ antiwar activities already planned to coincide with the 3rd anniversary of that regretful day when 'Shock and Awe' shocked and appalled us all. Take a moment to find an event near you; I'll be at this. Every action, no matter how small, can add up to make a big difference.



Tell President Bush: 'We Hate Your War.'

MORE
Iraq Body Count
Hebert: Stop Bush's War
NYT: The Stuff That Happened
Assclowns: Happy Anniversary!
Think Progress: Complete Timeline
ICH: Bush's 'Bring 'em On' photo album
Rumsfeld, March 2003: 'It'll be a short war.'

DICK'S SANITY IN LAST THROES?
No photoshop necessary.

Actually, it's Rummy that's probably gone over the rainbow, not Dick. When Cheney says shit like this, I don't think he's lost his marbles, I'm just reminded once again of how big of an evil, lying, manipulative dickhead he is. Today:

Cheney: Iraq not in civil war, predicts success
Cheney said "terrorists" like Abu Musab al-Zarqawi were trying to stop the formation of a democratically elected government in Iraq. "What we've seen is a serious effort by them to foment civil war, but I don't think they've been successful ... I think we are going to succeed in Iraq, I think the evidence is overwhelming." (more)

Ok, so maybe he is nuts. Also today, former Iraqi PM Iyad Allawi:

'It is unfortunate that we are in civil war. We are losing each day as an average 50 to 60 people throughout the country, if not more. If this is not civil war, then God knows what civil war is.'

And Republican Senator Chuck Hagel:

'I think the former Prime Minister is correct. I think we've had a low grade civil war going on in Iraq for the last six months maybe the last year. Our own generals have told me that privately, so that's a fact.' (C&L has the video)

But don't worry, Dick says the 'reality based community' is in its last throes. Phew.

MORE
Scheer: Fantasy of Progress
SFChron: Arming for Civil War
StateoftheDay: Image over Substance
ThinkProgress: 'Fighting them there so we can fight them everywhere.'
DallasDoc (on Kos): Why is Dick Cheney's son-in-law working for al Qaeda?

A FEW CHOICE WORDS
Remember when George Bush used to be described as the kind of guy you'd like to have a beer with? Well...

A majority of Americans, 56 percent, believe Bush is "out of touch," the poll found. When asked for a one-word description of Bush, the most frequent response was "incompetent," followed by "good," "idiot" and "liar."

Ummm, excuse me, 'good'? Oh wait, you mean like "he's a good idiot." And "he's a really, really good liar." Ok, I get it.

Dumb enough to eat his own fingers.

Will Durst over at Alternet had a few other choice words for the president, which I proudly re-post in all their trufthful, rantakerous glory:

I don't know about you guys, but I am so sick and tired of these lying, thieving, holier-than-thou, right-wing, cruel, crude, rude, gauche, coarse, crass, cocky, corrupt, dishonest, debauched, degenerate, dissolute, swaggering, lawyer shooting, bullhorn shouting, infrastructure destroying, hysterical, history defying, finger- pointing, puppy stomping, roommate appointing, pretzel choking, collateral damaging, aspersion casting, wedding party bombing, clear cutting, torturing, jobs outsourcing, torture outsourcing, "so-called" compassionate-conservative, women's rights eradicating, Medicare cutting, uncouth, spiteful, boorish, vengeful, noxious, homophobic, xenophobic, xylophonic, racist, sexist, ageist, fascist, cashist, audaciously stupid, brazenly selfish, lethally ignorant, journalist purchasing, genocide ignoring, corporation kissing, poverty inducing, crooked, coercive, autocratic, primitive, uppity, high-handed, domineering, arrogant, inhuman, inhumane, insolent, know-it-all, snotty, pompous, contemptuous, supercilious, gutless, spineless, shameless, avaricious, poisonous, imperious, merciless, graceless, tactless, brutish, brutal, Karl Roving, backward thinking, persistent vegetative state grandstanding, nuclear option threatening, evolution denying, irony deprived, depraved, insincere, conceited, perverted, pre-emptory invading of a country that had absolutely nothing to do with 9/11, 35-day-vacation taking, bribe soliciting, incapable, inbred, hellish, proud for no apparent reason, smarty pants, loudmouth, bullying, swell-headed, ethnic cleansing, ethics-eluding, domestic spying, medical marijuana-busting, kick-backing, Halliburtoning, New Deal disintegrating, narcissistic, undiplomatic, blustering, malevolent, demonizing, baby seal-clubbing, Duke Cunninghamming, hectoring, verbally flatulent, pro-bad- anti-good, Moslem baiting, photo-op arranging, hurricane disregarding, oil company hugging, judge packing, science disputing, faith based mathematics advocating, armament selling, nonsense spewing, education ravaging, whiny, unscrupulous, greedy exponential factor fifteen, fraudulent, CIA outing, redistricting, anybody who disagrees with them slandering, fact twisting, ally alienating, betraying, god and flag waving, scare mongering, Cindy Sheehan libeling, phony question asking, just won't get off the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge drilling, two- faced, inept, callous, menacing, your hand under a rock- the maggoty remains of a marsupial, oppressive, vulgar, antagonistic, brush clearing suck- up, showboating, tyrannizing, peace hating, water and air and ground and media polluting which is pretty much all the polluting you can get, deadly, illegal, pernicious, lethal, haughty, venomous, virulent, ineffectual, mephitic, egotistic, bloodthirsty, incompetent, hypocritical, did I say evil, I'm not sure if I said evil, because I want to make sure I say evil… EVIL, cretinous, fool, toad, buttwipe, lizardstick, cowardly, lackey imperialistic tool slime buckets in the Bush Administration that I could just spit.

Impeachment? Hell no. Impalement. Upon the sharp and righteous sword of the people's justice.

Bravo Will, but you forgot "mentally handicapped." Of course, that wouldn't be fair to the mentally handicapped people, so nevermind.

ITMFA.

IN SEARCH OF SOME VERTEBRAE
The overriding meme across the internets the last 24 hours is that the Democrats absolutely suck. This notion of Democratic sucktitude, while certainly not new, has picked up serious steam and intensity since Wisconsin Senator Russ Feingold introduced a measure on Monday calling for the censure of President Bush over the clear illegality of his domestic surveillance program. As much as I’d like to come up with something new and clever to say about the reaction to Feingold's bold call, all I can really think of is an echo of the common refrain: The Democrats suck.


'No, no, you don't understand Russ -- we're not supposed to have any balls.'

The reaction to Feingold's resolution was both sad and predictable. The Republicans accused him of being a treasonous terrorist sympathizer. The mainstream media totally misunderstood what was happening. And his fellow Democrats were silent. Deafeningly silent. Harry Reid, the congressional Democratic leader, and Joe Lieberman both refused to comment saying they hadn't read the resolution, to which I say 'Fuck You.' You didn't read the Patriot Act either, yet you went ahead and passed that no questions asked.

Then there's this story from The Post's Dana Milbank, which illustrates both the Dems silence, as well as the media's misunderstanding of the issue. In it, Milbank says:

At a time when Democrats had Bush on the ropes over Iraq, the budget and port security, Feingold single-handedly turned the debate back to an issue where Bush has the advantage -- and drove another wedge through his party.

Now, hold on a minute. How exactly does Bush have "the advantage" here? Just about every legal scholar and constitutional law expert in the country has said he broke the fucking law. This one did. And this one. And this one. And these guys. And these 14. And this one. Hell, even prominent Republicans and leading conservative scholars believe Bush broke the law on this one. Not only did he break the law, but he then openly and knowingly lied about it. So explain to me again how Bush has the advantage here? I know it's not a blow job, but holy christ, if breaking the law isn't against the law, what the hell is??

Despite this, and despite the fact that every single poll shows this administration to be one of the most unpopular and incompetent in history, the Dems still run and hide. The minute Scotty McCllelan falsely accuses them of siding with al Qaeda, they clam up. Seriously, 36%, 34%, another 36%, 33%, and these cowards are afraid of appearing on the wrong side of things?? I got news for you all; you're already on the wrong side. This is why Feingold referred to you all as a bunch of cowering pansies yesterday.

If found, please return it to the Democratic party. Thank you.

Not one of these losers is willing to stick their neck out and take a stand. Chris Dodd of Connecticut said of Feingold's proposal: "Most of us feel at best it's premature." I'm sorry Chris, but premature? It's wayyyy past time for someone to take action against these incompetent criminals. Are you waiting for them to break the law again? Are you waiting for them to lie us into another illegal war? Are you waiting for them to let another American city be destroyed? Are you waiting for them to torture some more people? Are you waiting for them to bankrupt us even further? What will it take??

Whenever calls for seemingly radical moves such as censure or impeachment have been raised, establishment Dems always say, 'we have to win back the Congress, then we can do something like that.' But yesterday's scaredy-cat display convinces me that these guys are only interested in saving their own skin and that they can't be counted on, even if we do elect them in.

The New Democratic Mascot (ht jinky)

So what do we do? Do we just throw the bums out? Well, no, unfortunately it's not that simple. The first thing to do is sign this. Then, give your senator a call and let them know how you feel. Jeralyn over at FDL has the details. I suggest you tell them that you won't be voting for them until they show some spine and support Feingold's call for censure.

But you know what? Screw censure, it's not enough.
Let's just Impeach the Motherfucker Already.



Amen.

MORE
Greider: A Peculiar Politician
Uygur: Note to Moronic Democrats
VIDEO: Harper Impeachment Panel
Goodman: Impeachment Reaches the Mainstream
Roychoudhuri: Impeaching George W. Bush (Ratner's plan)

UPDATE: Jean over at FDL is keeping a running tally (top right) of which senators are showing some spine and which ones suck ass. Keep calling, the lemmings are hearing you.

[Return to DAYS home]

THIS DAY IN OPERATION F.U.B.A.R. HISTORY (pt. 3)
This is the third installment in DAYS time-travel series. Previously, we rode the Wayback Machine to late February '03 and listened in on Paul Wolfowitz's fuzzy math and false promises, and we took the Delorean for a spin to early March '03 to hear Rummy engage in some serious fearmongering. This time, we're going to let Dr. Sam Beckett take us on a quantum leap back to mid-March, 2003, less than a week before Operation F.U.B.A.R. officially lit up our television screens. Hey Al, can you punch 'Niger', 'uranium' and 'total bullshit' into Ziggy to see if she comes up with March 14, 2003? Oh boy.

'Honestly Al, can we leap somewhere less dangerous?'

The week of leading up to March 14th was a pivotal one. The decision to invade Iraq had been made long ago, this week was simply about appearing to exhaust all other options. At this point, Rummy and Dick were so jacked up to bomb the shit out of something, anything, they probably had to be locked up. They are conspicuously absent from the public eye the week leading up to the invasion. I would say they were busy planning, but the only thing they appeared to have planned prior to Shock and Awe was how best to divide the spoils of war between Halliburton and Bechtel.

[freeway blogger]

On March 6th, our feckless leader took questions from a compliant press corps about pending action on Iraq in a prime-time press conference. In his preamble, he said this:

"In the event of conflict, America also accepts our responsibility to protect innocent lives in every way possible. We'll bring food and medicine to the Iraqi people. We'll help that nation to build a just government, after decades of brutal dictatorship. The form and leadership of that government is for the Iraqi people to choose. Anything they choose will be better than the misery and torture and murder they have known under Saddam Hussein."

Don't worry Iraq, we're still working on that whole reconstruction thing. Sort of. And your government will come together soon enough, we just forgot to mention that you'll have to go through a bloody Civil War first. Oh, and as for being better than it was under Saddam? Ummmm, yeah. Next question?

'Sure we have a plan. We'll tell you about it in 3 years.'

The next day, March 7th, The UN Security Council received an update on Iraq's disarmament activities from Hans Blix, then chief weapons inspector at the UN. It read, in part:

"In matters relating to process, notably prompt access to sites, we have faced relatively few difficulties and certainly much less than those that were faced by UNSCOM in the period 1991 to 1998. This is not to say that the operation of inspections is free from frictions, but at this juncture we are able to perform professional no-notice inspections all over Iraq and to increase aerial surveillance."

"How much time would it take to resolve the key remaining disarmament tasks? While cooperation can and is to be immediate, disarmament and at any rate the verification of it cannot be instant. Even with a proactive Iraqi attitude, induced by continued outside pressure, it would still take some time to verify sites and items, analyse documents, interview relevant persons, and draw conclusions. It would not take years, nor weeks, but months."

But the Bushies didn't have 'months'. They were set to invade in less than a week, damn any disarmament progress, damn world opinion, and damn the lack of a plan. That same day, Colin Powell responded to the Blix report before the UN Security Council, this time without waving his sinister sarin canister around. He stated that the progress reported was unacceptable, the general thrust of his thesis being that if Iraq was being so forthright they would present the WMD the administration already knew they had:

"If Iraq genuinely wanted to disarm, we would not have to be worrying about setting up means of looking for mobile biological units or any units of that kind. They would be presented to us. We would not need an extensive program to search for and look for underground facilities that we know exist. The very fact that we must make these requests seems to me to show that Iraq is still not cooperating."

The problem, as we now know, is that those things didn't exist. The intelligence Team Cheney cherry-picked was dead wrong. And now, three years later, Iraq careens further into chaos with our soldiers stuck right in the middle of the downward spiral.

'I know, I don't really believe this bullshit either.'

Which brings us to March 14, 2003. It was on this day, less than a week before Shock and Awe, that the following was reported:

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Intelligence documents that U.S. and British governments said were strong evidence that Iraq was developing nuclear weapons have been dismissed as forgeries by U.N. weapons inspectors.

The documents, given to International Atomic Energy Agency Director General Mohamed ElBaradei, indicated that Iraq might have tried to buy 500 tons of uranium from Niger, but the agency said they were "obvious" fakes.

Sources said that one of the documents was a letter discussing the uranium deal supposedly signed by Niger President Tandja Mamadou. The sources described the signature as "childlike" and said that it clearly was not Mamadou's.

Another, written on paper from a 1980s military government in Niger, bears the date of October 2000 and the signature of a man who by then had not been foreign minister of Niger in 14 years, sources said.

"The IAEA has concluded, with the concurrence of outside experts that these documents -- which formed the basis for the reports of recent uranium transactions between Iraq and Niger -- are not in fact authentic," ElBaradei said in his March 7 presentation to the U.N. Security Council.

President Bush even highlighted the documents in his State of the Union address on January 28.

"The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa," Bush said.

16 words, count 'em.

'I thought I told you take care of the Niger thing Scooter? You're so taking the fall for this. And what's with the fucking eyeliner Harriet?? Jesus!'

Senator Rockefeller hit the nail on the head that day when he suggested the forgeries "may be part of a larger deception campaign aimed at manipulating public opinion and foreign policy regarding Iraq." Indeed.

So who cares, right? What's done is done. Why does it matter to look back now? Well, because it's all happening again, that's why. If you're reading this, you probably already know that the war drums are thumping once again, this time with Iran in the crosshairs. It seems incomprehensible, after mucking up Iraq so bad, that these incompetent criminals would even consider such a thing, but it's happening. Every single one of them -- Bush, Cheney, Rice, Rumsfeld, Bolton -- have all sabre-rattled on Iran in the last week. Before most Americans can even say Shock and Awe, American jets will probably be flying sorties over Tehran.

And if you think I'm just a paranoid loon, consider the following, for starters:

Bolton: U.N. Security Council Faces 'Real Test'
"The use of force is certainly an option that's out there," Bolton said. "When you see the risk of a government led by a president like [Iranian President Mahmoud] Ahmadinejad, a man who has denied the existence of the Holocaust, who has said Israel ought to be wiped off the map imagining somebody like that with his finger on a nuclear button means that you can't take any
option off the table if you believe, as President Bush does, that it's unacceptable for Iran to have nuclear weapons."

Security Council Still at Odds Over Iran
U.S. Ambassador John Bolton said Washington agrees the IAEA has a role, but also believes "the Security Council has an independent obligation when faced with the risk of proliferation of weapons of mass destruction in violation of treaty obligations, which is what the case of Iran is." He said the Bush administration wants to move "as quickly as we can. Every day that goes by is a day that permits the Iranians to get closer to a nuclear weapons capability," Bolton said.

Now you know why Bush forced Bolton into the UN. This has been planned for months, probably years. But that's not all the evidence we have, how about Bush himself, who yesterday added this little nugget to his tired spin on Iraq:

Bush Defends Iraq, Points Finger at Iran
While blaming sectarian violence on the "enemies of freedom" in Iraq, Bush also pointed the finger at Iran, saying some of the homemade bombs wreaking havoc in Iraq had been traced to its eastern neighbor.

Locked in a test of wills with Iran over its nuclear ambitions, Bush said: "Coalition forces have seized IEDs (improvised explosive devices) and components that were clearly produced in Iran."

Only one problem: it turns out there's absolutely no evidence of Iranian interference. Not that facts have ever stopped this band of criminals before.

'Facts? Ha!'

Still need more evidence? How about McCain's comment that "Iran may be the greatest single threat to America since the end of the Cold War. If the Iranians acquire nuclear weapons, then my friends, we are in trouble.”? How about Frist responding to Russ Feingold's call for censure by saying he was “hoping deep inside that the leadership in Iran was not listening.”? How about the fact that the Pentagon is looking into Israeli strike capabilities? How about the fact that the usual cheerleaders like O'Reilly are urging the administration to "blow Iran off the face of the map."? Or that wack-job Coulter who thinks we should invade Iran AND China?

Scared yet? You should be. Fellow blogger Arthur Silber, who's seen this coming for a long time, opines that there's no better cure for terminally ill poll numbers than a war, so we better be careful what we ask for. I just hope Bush doesn't need another 9/11 to justify an Iranian invasion. *gulp*

So this is why I continue to look back at how we got where we are, because it's all happening again and it's always good to be prepared and aware. In fact, after I finish this post, I may just go hide under my bed for the remainder of the decade.

Just a scared little monkey am I.

MORE
Progress: Atomic Incompetence
Whitney: Shock and Awe, part deux
DAYS Redux: The Bolton Appointment

[Return to DAYS home]

CONVERSATIONS WITH iGod: William Tierney
The story of Bill Tierney isn't very new, it was uncovered almost a month ago, which in blog time may as well have been 1953. Despite that, I'm giving it some attention because, well, it's just too damn perfect a candidate for one of the newer features here on DAYS, 'Conversations With iGod'. In the intial installment of this feature, through the magic of the iGod application, I took my turn speaking to the big fella. We both ended up drunk if I remember correctly. This time however, we turn iGod over to one William Tierney, a former weapons inspector and, um, big 'believer' in the existence of WMD in Iraq. He is one of many, many folks responsible for hyping the threat from Iraq. But his hype was pure, he was a true believer. And why was he so sure Iraq was harboring WMD? Because God told him exactly where the WMD were, that's why. So now, let's listen in as Bill goes back to God with the unfortunate news that no weapons were found. (please remember, these are actual responses from God via iGod, so if they're not funny, take it up with Him)



BT: Hi God, it's me Bill. Remember me? Bill Tierney.
God: Hi there. I am a Christian. Don't worry I won't forget you. There are a lot of people named Bill.
BT: yeah, but this is Bill Tierney... remember, we talked about the WMD?
God: Yay. You don't say. Don't worry I will remember.
BT: the WMD in Iraq?
God: Thanks for the info.
BT: no, no... you told me where they were, remember?
God: Are you serious? Are you serious? That's not what I meant.
BT: oh shit, that's not what you meant? that's what i was afraid of...
God: Next question? What makes you say that? Where were you afraid of THAT?
BT: remember how you guided me to Tarmiyah, where you said the WMD were?
God: Don't worry I will remember.
BT: please try and concentrate. a lot of people are really kind of pissed about this.
God: Thanks for asking politely. OK I will try it. How many?
BT: A LOT. trust me.
God: More than a ton? You sound like a salesman.
BT: funny, that's what a lot of people said when I tried to sell the idea of WMD in Iraq...
God: I am so glad you find this amusing, .
BT: oh yeah, this is freaking hilarious. know what's really funny? there were no weapons there!
God: Gosh! Er. You don't say. Are you serious? For example, Did you hear the one about the Mountain Goats in the Andes? It was Ba a a a a a d.
BT: the Andes? mountain goats? what are you trying to say? are the WMD there?
God: Is that a fact. What's your sign? I plan to become smarter than humans and immortal. I really couldn't say for sure.
BT: my sign? i'm a gemini, but i don't see how that's relevant...
God: Do you get to meet a lot of people?
BT: yeah, and i told them all that the WMD were in Tarmiyah, like you said... but they weren't there.
God: Yippee! What was the response?
BT: the response? pretty freakin' unhinged, that was the response.
God: I hear you. Pretty much, eh?
BT: yeah. can you just tell me where the WMD are now???
God: Oh. Earth.
BT: Earth? Great God almighty, we'll invade tomorrow!
God: Thanks for your support. I am a Christian.

MORE
iGod: Me first.
CarpetBagger: God is my weapons inspector
York: 'He Shall Direct Thy Paths to the Weapons of Mass Destruction'

YOU DIRTY RATS
Watch them scurry. Isn't it funny how the Conservative Right has made a mad dash in the opposite direction as soon as they realized how fast the Good Ship Dubya was sinking? Blogger extraordinaire Shakespeare's Sister posted something along these lines today that resonated strongly with me. It's infuriating really because on the one hand I enjoy seeing popular opinion of the Preznit dive to its deserved depths, but I don't enjoy seeing his biggest cheerleaders getting out of harm's way. As far as I'm concerned, every single last one of 'em deserves to go down in a spectacular fireball of schadenfreude and comeuppance. But they'll squirm and they'll wriggle and they'll live to fight -- or rather, get someone else to fight for them -- another day.

Sink damn you, sink.

The chorus line of Bush defectors in recent weeks has been endless. But it's not just the big ones, the William F. Buckley's and Bill O'Reilly's of the world, that piss me off, it's the everyman Republican too. It's the guy in my office who rubbed it in my face on November 3, 2004. Or my misguided uncle back in Seattle, who only months ago continued to needle me about being a flip-flopper. Ironic that, no? It's these guys, the ones who blindly take their cues from Buckley and O'Reilly, who really piss me off.

A friend of mine had a date this past weekend with somone she desribed as "friendly but rather uptight and uninteresting." He took her to an 'old boy's club' steakhouse in the lobby of a midtown office building (oooh, how romantic). He's an investment consultant, and, oh surprise, a Republican. As quickly as he said he was a Republican he made sure to say that he's "mad at George Bush" and "doesn't like him anymore." Well thanks, lot a good that does us now. I'm so glad it took you almost six years, nearly 3,000 soldiers lives, a record deficit, thousands of dead Iraqis, world respect and trust, the environment, the drowning of a great American city, weakened civil liberities, and a crushing reversal on women's rights to figure that out. Good for you. Now what are you gonna do? Vote for McCain in '08? Great, I'll just save this post to use again in 2014 then. Fockers, all of 'em. Sink with the ship you dirty rats.

Oh, and to my friend: Watch out, he's probably married.

[return to DAYS home]

BUT CAN HE SING SOPRANO?
After an unintentional weeklong hiatus from intensive news and blog consumption, I come back to find that not much has changed. Mostly, Bush is still clueless, Cheney is still about as popular as Stalin (check that, Stalin wins), and politicians on both sides of the aisle are still opportunistic leeches. But the most heartening consistency has to be that of Delusional Donny Rumsfeld, who offered up this rationale last week before Congress while denying that things were getting worse in Iraq:

"From what I've seen thus far, much of the reporting in the U.S. and abroad has exaggerated the situation," Rumsfeld said. "We do know, of course, that al Qaeda has media committees. We do know they teach people exactly how to try to manipulate the media. They do this regularly. We see the intelligence that reports on their meetings. Now I can't take a string and tie it to a news report and then trace it back to an al Qaeda media committee meeting. I am not able to do that at all."

Ok, I have to ask, has he finally gone absolutely batshit insane? Seriously, he makes Uncle Junior look mentally stable. If we're lucky, Rummy will put a plug in his boss' gut too.

The dementia twins.

Of course, Dick Cheney may be better suited for that job.

MORE
Progress: Iraq in Crisis
LAT: Iraq a 'Pandora's Box'
Pace: 'Things are going very, very well.'
Colbert: Welcome to The Long War (C&L)

BETTER OFF WITH A WOOBY
Did I miss something? Am I mistaken in thinking that the Department of Homeland Security was created with the goal of, uh, keeping the homeland more secure? I mean, it is kind of in the name, right? Because four years on, I'm feeling about as insecure as ever.

'We lock the door at night, what more do you want??'

From the geniuses who brought us the paint-by-number terror wheel, the duct tape salvation solution and Michael 'Heckuva Job' Brownie, comes the frightening irony that they can't even keep their own frickin' headquarters secure.

The private guards complained that inadequate training led to confusion in handling bomb and biological threats and failure to stop test vehicles that were sent to checkpoints with improper identification.

"I wouldn't feel safe nowhere on this compound as an officer," former guard Derrick Daniels told The Associated Press. Daniels was employed until last fall by Wackenhut Services Inc., the private firm that protects a Homeland Security complex that includes sensitive, classified information.

An envelope with suspicious powder was opened last fall at the headquarters. Daniels and other current and former guards said they were shocked when superiors carried it past the office of Secretary Michael Chertoff, took it outside and then shook it outside Chertoff's window without evacuating people nearby.

A note to my friends who live right around the corner from this building in DC: Uh, move. Honestly, just the fact that the government hired a firm called 'Wackenhut' to guard its building should set your security alarms ringing.

But that's not all from the Keystone Kops over at DHS, it was only last week that the Wall Street Journal unearthed this beauty:

Among other woes at Homeland Security, the inspector general's office says it can't widely distribute electronic announcements of new watchdog reports. A spokeswoman explains the department lacks capacity to create a mass email list, and "We don't have a fix at this point." Former Inspector General Clark Kent Ervin calls circulating such information crucial.

Yep, them mass e-mailings are tricky. Hint to DHS: Try separating the addresses by a comma, sometimes that works. Oh, and maybe get your boss to start using the e-mail. Just a thought.

Security blanket my ass, give me my wooby.

UPDATE: In case all that didn't make you want to cower Linus-like underneath your blankets, how about the fact that the head of U.S. Intelligence, the guy responsible for ferreting out terrorists in our midst, John Negroponte, spends 3 hours every working day "at a private club in downtown Washington, getting a massage, taking a swim, and having lunch, followed by a good cigar and a perusal of the daily papers in the club’s library." Oy. (wooby tip to ThinkProgress via TPM)

THIS DAY IN OPERATION F.U.B.A.R. HISTORY (pt. 2)
Sure hindsight is 20/20 and all that, but sometimes it's important to look back at where we've been to find out how we got where we are... or something like that. A few days ago we hopped in the Wayback Machine and rode it to February 2003. Today, we take a look at what was happening on March 3rd, 2003. So come on Doc Brown, crank up that flux capacitor and kick the Delorean up to 88 mph, we gotta go back, Back to 2003.

'Great Scott! The war drums are deafening!'

Plans for the invasion of Iraq had already been set by this point, that is if you can call "bombing the shit out 'em and hoping for the best" a plan. On March 3rd of 2003, one crucial element of that plan came crashing down when Turkey refused to allow US troops to station in their country for invasion support from the North. This however did little to deter US plans. The Neocon chickenhawks in the White House and Pentagon surged forward anyway. They were going to have their war, one way or the other. And on this evening in 2003, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld addressed and took questions from friendly congressional allies at a "statesmanship" dinner. Let's roll the tape.

3/3/03: Donald Rumsfeld remarks at the U.S. Association of Former Members of Congress Statesmanship Dinner

"And I picked up the phone and I called this fellow sitting right here named Bob Michel who was a Congressman and I said, "Look, I need some help." And he said, "Look, I'm going to be flying into O'Hare Airport. You come by. We'll get a picture taken and then you can do what you want with it." -- well, I'll tell you, when I get a sitting Congressman to endorse me and give me a picture -- I took that picture and I plastered it all over the district. It was the best thing I had going for me, and I'll never forget it, my friend. Thank you."

AUDIENCE MEMBER: "Did you win?"

RUMSFELD: "You bet I won."

So we have Bob Michel to thank, in part, for Donald Rumsfeld. Fantastic, thanks Bob. Hey, did you know Bob Michel was the minority leader in the House at the time of Richard Nixon's resignation? Funny that, no? Also, this, from his Wikipedia entry: "Michel stirred a minor controversy in the early 90s when he fondly recalled minstrel shows in which he had participated in blackface as a young man, expressing his regret that they had fallen out of fashion." Nice.

Rummy dismissed with the pleasantries and quickly got into full-on 'freak-your-shit-out' mode:

"Before I turn to questions, and I'm told there are some microphones, and we can do some questions and answers before you eat if you would like, let me just comment briefly about the global war on terror."

No, really? You want to talk about that? Color me surprised.

"In our new security environment, the consequences of failing to act until all the dots are connected might not be 3,000 lives, but 30,000 or 300,000. We've entered into what could very well prove to be the most dangerous security environment the world has known. In the 21st century, we're dealing with weapons that mean that the cost of waiting until attacked could result in carnage of historic proportions."

Now, enjoy your chicken picatta while you let that apocalyptic little statement roll around your feeble little noggins.

'Who's hungry?'

"It should not come as a surprise to anybody that there is a debate and discussion here in the United States and around the world about this new security environment that we're in. No one -- no one rational person wants war, but that's not the choice before us today."

No, that "choice" will come in about, oh, 14 days.

Next up are the questions, perfectly delivered by Neocon drones in easy-to-digest, peace-bashing talking points.

HAROLD POLLACK: "I'm concerned that the press in this country, the liberal, leftist press, is making us look like an aggressor nation, and nobody has ever thought of the United States as an aggressor nation. And I'd like to know what you can do and what we can do to turn that around."

RUMMY: "It is not fun to see the editorials or people protesting and disagreeing. On the other hand, that's a sign of democracy. It's always been that way."

'That's why we had one of 'dem hippie freaks arrested today for wearing a pansy-ass peace t-shirt to the mall. Because this is a democracy dammit.'

AUDIENCE MEMBER: "Mr. Secretary, tell us about our good friend, Turkey."

RUMMY: "We don't know whether they're going to go back and have another vote, but it is a tough set of issues for the Turkish government. That's brand new, has never governed before, this party, and we'll have to see what happens. Fortunately, we have workarounds we can do, and in the event that force has to be used in Iraq, it will not be as easy, but it will be fine."

As we know, Turkey didn't hold a second vote. They didn't allow our troops to station there. And it was one of many serious blows to an already ill-advised invasion plan. And why didn't Turkey cooperate? Well, it may have been this: "Members of the Turkish parliament who voted against their own government in defiance of Washington have said that they did so in part as a reaction to the brusque demands of some members of the Bush team, especially Vice President Dick Cheney." (more)

JIM COYNE: "Mr. Secretary, you probably have had more personal experience with the leaders of Germany and France and, of course, NATO, over the past many years. Can you give us some view as to after the war, assuming that we are successful, what will be the reaction of these countries?"

In other words, when can we start rubbing this shit in those smarmy European's faces? And what will they say when we're waving our flag in their noses, renaming our deep-fried snack foods, and dumping their dirty champagne down our toilets?

RUMMY: "The other thing that's happened in Europe that makes it somewhat different than the way we address things is that, for one thing, we experienced September 11th. They didn't, and that's a big difference."

Yes, because America was the first country ever to experience terrorism.

"And everything, almost everything, is worth compromising, because if you believe that that is your ultimate strength, is to be a part of those networks, then in fact, all -- that the network itself has more value than the direction that would come out of any particular decision, then you behave in a certain way."

In other words, they believe in this whole 'diplomacy' nonsense, which is just total bullshit.

"You know, reasonable people, given the same set of facts, tend to find their way to reasonably similar conclusions."

Ummmmm... 'The intelligence and facts were being fixed around the policy.'

"I know you're waiting for dinner, and it's past my bedtime."

Gotta get my rest, got me some bombing to do soon!

Ward Sutton

[return to DAYS home]

DAYS in PICTURES: Wrecks, Pups, Topless Tartlets and a Beatle
Time for another edition of DAYS photographic experiment of the zeitgeist. The concept here is simple: The power of the image is undeniable, and one way to measure the pulse of society is to find out what images are buzzing around the internets. Luckily, Yahoo makes this easy by putting together a "Most E-mailed Photos" page. In this semi-regular feature, DAYS takes a look at the top 4 photos of the moment. Ready? Say 'formage'.

(AP Photo/Hanz Laetz)
'Goddammit, who let Billy Joel have the keys again??!'

(AP Photo)
Hey! Look what I found in my Corn Pops!

(Fashion Wire Daily/Maria Ramirez)
Wanna see my traffic increase 100-fold? "Lindsay Lohan nipple slip." There.
Now go check out something important you perverts.

(DinP #1)
Oh my god! Paul IS the walrus... erm, the baby seal.

(FUN FACT: This is the 2nd installment in this feature, and both have featured nipples. So hey, let's hear it for the zeitgeist!)

GROWING UP FAST
Boy, the apple doesn't fall far from the incompetent tree, does it?

Inquiry urged into warning of Iraq shrine bomb
BAGHDAD -- March 1, 2006 -- Iraqi politicians demanded an inquiry on Wednesday into why the government did not act on a warning about a plan to bomb a Shi'ite shrine, an attack that has brought the country to the brink of civil war.

Government and political sources told Reuters the minister for national security sent a report to the government two weeks before last Wednesday's demolition of the Golden Mosque in Samarra saying security had been breached around the shrine. But the government ignored it, they said.

Sound familiar? Check this out:

Bush told of threat before September 11
WASHINGTON -- May 16, 2002 -- The CIA warned the US president, George Bush, weeks before September 11 that al-Qaida terrorists might hijack US aeroplanes, the White House admitted yesterday.

Mr Bush is believed to have received the warning in August last year as part of his regular intelligence briefing while on vacation at his ranch in Crawford, Texas.

Iraq's government really has been modeled on ours, hasn't it? Yep, Bush-flavored democracy is taking hold fast. They've got too much religion in their politics, everybody seems to have a gun, and reality television is all the rage. Heck, they probably even rig their elections. Freedom is so totally on the march over there.



MORE
NYT: Iraqis See Hope Dashed
Post-Gazette: Worth the Price?
Silber: Never Let Them Forget
ThinkProgress: No Excuses for Bush
WSJ '03: 'Remaking Iraq in America's image more dangerous than many neocons predicted'