DAYS

KICKING BUSH WHILE HE'S DOWN
I have a new favorite NFL player, and believe it or not, he's a kicker. Yes, a kicker. First Jay Feely, placekicker for the New York Giants, managed to miss three field goals on Sunday to give my beloved Seattle Seahawks their 9th victory of the season. Then, when asked why he so forthrightly apologized to his teammates following his difficult day, he offered up this answer:

"I think one of the problems with our country is that people, when they make a mistake, they don't stand up and take responsibility for them, and that's what I tried to do (Sunday) night. It's not fun, but that's when your character has to shine through."

A veiled shot at Bush/Cheney's leadership style? Probably not, but it does seem to fit the situation pretty well, does it not?

Wide left?

Kudos to you Jay Feely, I like how you think. And if you want to really make it hurt, boot a game-winner against W's home-state Dallas Cowboys this Sunday.

And speaking of the Giants, anyone catch the extreme Right's reaction to a recent decision to open up a non-denominational prayer room at Giants Stadium? The decision resulted from several unfortunate incidents earlier this year in which Muslims at the stadium were harrassed while trying to perform their daily prayers. Here are but a few of the reactions to the news gleaned from the capitol of online wing-nuttery, Little Green Footballs:

"These folks are not going to stop of their own volition. They have made it crystal clear that they are here to islamicize America. Hell, all of their activitst groups (CAIR, MSU, MSA, etc.) come right out and say it. And our leaders cower before them. We are led by wusses."

"We are losing our country right before our very eyes. The left enables the islamicization of America, and our leaders are afraid to confront it. Folks, I'm afraid it's going to fall to the American people to save our country, because our leaders and our institutions sure as hell are not going to do anything to save it."

"Anyone who doesnt own a weapon I would suggest purchasing one ASAP at your local sporting goods store, going to your local gun shooting range to practice regularly and buying a shotgun for home protection, hard to miss and the click back action scares the bejeezus out of em."

So this is the 35% who still support Bush. I've been wondering...

Tolerance, religious or otherwise, really isn't a virtue for these people, is it? To all of them, I beg of you, stay in Arkanbamasee, or wherever you're from. People like you, well, you suck.

(helmet tip to Catch for pointing this out)

UPDATE: Welcome C&L readers, pull up a seat, have a look around. (thanks Mike)

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REMAINS of the DAYS: The one with leftovers.
Well, another disgustingly gluttonous Thanksgiving is in the books. You’ve all had a few days to digest, so hopefully you’re no one longer stuffed with stuffing and jammed with yams. And hopefully you avoided getting mauled at your local Wal-Mart during Black Friday. Seriously, the combination of stuffing our faces to the gills one day, then completely losing our collective shit over a few discounted laptops the next kind of takes the joy out of our annual celebration of exploiting and extinguishing the Native Americans from their land, does it not? Oh whatever! Just sit back, unbutton another button, let out a hearty belch and enjoy yourself some remains, would ya?

• I imagine Thanksgiving to be a parade of dysfunction at many a household across this fine country, but none could be as twisted as that which Mark Morford envisioned taking place at the White House. Papa Bush reveling in his son’s misfortune? Mama Bush and Rove carrying on a secret affair? Condi longing to catch the thin-lipped gaze of her secret presidential crush? Oh my.
• To no one’s surprise, the Bushes actually spent the holiday in Crawford. And here’s a shot of the Bride of Frankendumb deplaning outside the ranch courtesy of D-Renegade.
• As horrific as Black Friday is, this ‘Cyber Monday’ crap is even worse. The no-purpose marketing consultancy responsible for pushing that term into the public mindset needs to be taken out and shot, preferably with a shotgun bought on Amazon. That said, I could spend hours shopping for the perfect pair of Jersey Hot Shorts on American Apparel’s website. Who cares if their CEO is a masturbatory exhibitionist enthusiast, those shorts come in 36 colors!
• As the holiday shopping season begins in earnest, Mr. Sun comes through again with a list of Christmas gifts for young conservatives.
• My god, is there anything President Bomby McMisslepants doesn’t want to bomb?? I’d hate to see his approach to bass fishing.
• We turn to D-Renegade yet again, who points out the symbolic hoodoo of the Supreme Court literally falling apart on the 5-year anniversary of the high court’s decision to hear the Bush v. Gore case.
• Speaking of SCOTUS, did everyone catch Justice Scalia’s ‘off the record’ comments last week? The whole riff is quite entertaining, in a totally disturbing kind of way. But the money quote referenced the 2000 election case: “What did you expect us to do? Turn the case down because it wasn't important enough? Or give the Florida Supreme Court another couple of weeks in which the United States could look ridiculous?” Instead, they made the decision to allow the country to look ridiculous for another eight years. Way to go guys.
• Another Republican, Rep. Duke Cunningham, went down in a scandalous blaze of shame today. First of all, as a rule, never trust anyone named Duke. Second of all, how are we supposed to keep track of all this scandal shit? Can we get a scorecard or something? Oh, thank you, this’ll do just fine.
• If you missed the Earth 2 America special recently aired on TBS, take some time out to laugh your ass off at some of the clips, all provided by One Good Move. If you only view one, check out Will Ferrell’s return as George W. The guy who coined the term ‘strategery’ nails the impersonation again. Don’t miss Larry David, Bill Maher or Triumph’s appearances either. They’re all gold.
• Shake’s Sis points us to a photo of perhaps the most appropriate backdrop ever placed by Team Bush. Nice work guys, that about says it all.
• And finally, a hearty and final ‘Wax Off’ to Pat Morita. He will be missed.

GOOBLE GOBBLE, GOOBLE GOBBLE
Here's what today's Daily News had to say about yesterday's presidential pardon of Marshmallow and Yam, this year's executive turkeys:

"The President peered into Marshmallow's eyes and stroked the bird's fluffy white feathers with a tenderness usually reserved for members of the Saudi royal family."

Awesome, simply awesome. Oh, and let's not let Bush pardon this turkey.


Bush: 'Wow! That's a big rooster!'
Dick: 'I just know this little fu*ker has intel on the Bird Flu. Let's torture the bastard.'

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Get stuffed.

(In case you're wondering, the post heading is a reference to the 1932 film, Freaks.)

CHICKENHAWK SQUAWKIN'

'Who wants some?!!'

Someone apparently lost the key to Cheney's cage. Mr. Mean was on the loose again yesterday to re-sell his pet project, the Iraq war, catapult the propaganda, and disparage the critics. Is it just me, or does it seem unwise for the only guy with an approval rating worse than Bush's to continue as the public face of this war? Just a thought. Then again, he may be the only one left that actually still believes the bullshit he's spewing.

Yesterday's speech (C&L has the video) before the American Enterprise Institute, a leading conservative think tank and former stomping grounds for the Veep, saw Cheney once again firing back at critics of his war:

"Any suggestion that prewar information was distorted, hyped, fabricated by the leader of the nation is utterly false."

He's right, the charge is false -- it was Cheney who did all that, not Bush.

Later in the speech he says, "What is not legitimate -- and what I will again say is dishonest and reprehensible -- is the suggestion by some U.S. senators that the president of the United States or any member of his administration purposely misled the American people on prewar intelligence." Ok, fine, you let Chalabi take care of all that. Whatever dude.



Big Dick also kept up his reputation of fear-mongering with falsehoods by implying that Osama bin Laden would gain control of Iraq if we were to withdraw our troops. There is, of course, no evidence to back this claim up, not that a lack of evidence has ever stopped this man before.

But it doesn't stop there. Amazingly, Cheney managed to directly contradict himself within the span of his 19-minute speech. First, this:

"But nobody is saying we should not be having this discussion or that you cannot reexamine a decision made by the president and the Congress some years ago."

Then, a few minutes later:

"This is revisionism of the most corrupt and shameless variety. It has no place anywhere in American politics, much less in the United States Senate."

And hey, speaking of corrupt and shameless, check out where Cheney will be appearing in a few weeks: A fundraiser for Tom DeLay. Brilliant.

Cheney's speech also prompted our favorite closeted, right-wing muckracker Matt Drudge to howl conspiracy. Always on the lookout for evidence of 'liberal media' shenanigans, Drudge whipped out the sirens to bleat that CNN had subliminaly imprinted a giant, black, Family Feud 'X' over Cheney's face during his speech. Here's the screengrab:



But come on Drudge, this is so not a conspiracy. This is actually a simple case of cross-promotion. While using the speech to sell his ideology, Cheney also used it to sell the new XBox 360. Don't you know he gets a pint of baby blood for every unit he moves? Sheesh.

MORE
Cohen: Cheney Deserves the Boot
Nation: Cheney picked the wrong fight
Stewart to McCain: 'Is Cheney insane?'

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GODDAM MONGOLIANS
"You break down my shitty wall!"

'Hey, wanna attack Syria with me?'

Audio, and for some reason, a Mr. Miyagi animation can be found here. Stupid Mongorians.

From South Park #611. (download the ep)

JEAN YOU IGNORANT SLUT
I spend a lot of time here thrashing on the Big Cheese (Cheney) and his willing accomplice (Bush) in the executive branch. As much fun as that is, sometimes I'm reminded of the deep well of mock-worthy asshats and loons in the legislative body. This past friday's impressive display of unhinged, ignorant asshattery on the floor of the House was one of these times.

+ =

The ugly display that erupted can be blamed on a number of individuals, but there was no bigger fool then the freshman congresswoman from Ohio, Jean Schmidt. This disgrace of a woman, looking like the Wicked Witch of the West dressed up in Evel Knievel's jumpsuit, used her floor time to call Rep. John Murtha, a highly-decorated veteran and near universally respected member of Congress, a coward. While I predicted the GOP would smear the guy, I had no idea it would be so blatant.

As vicious and dumbheaded as Schmidt’s attack was, her defense was almost worse. First, her colleagues in the House claimed that “the poor lady didn’t know Jack Murtha was a Marine.” WTF? Does NOBODY in this administration read newspapers? Oh, and one other problem, the Marine Schmidt claimed to be quoting revealed today that he never called Murtha, or any marine, a coward. So basically she’s not only stupid, but also a big, fat liar. And a fashion nightmare on top of it all.

One Good Move has the complete video of all hell breakin’ loose. (courtesy of Countdown) Seriously, who elected these creatures? It’s absolutely terrifying that they're running the country. I do hope the Flying Spaghetti Monster will help us.

THE GHOST AND MR. BUSH
I don't know who is responsible for this, but god love them for doing it.

Drop everything and watch it now. (tip to Shakes)
Maybe we should start calling Dubya the 'Reluctant President'?

'Frankly, the comparison is an insult to my intelligence.' -- Barney Fife

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EXIT STRATEGERY?
Seriously, just because they say you don't have one, doesn't mean you have to demonstrate it for the cameras. God, what an idiot. (C&L has the video)

And behind door #2, your broken legacy!

I guess we should just be thankful he didn't throw up on anyone while he was over there.

BIG MURTHA
"It is a flawed policy wrapped in illusion."
-- Rep. John Murtha, yesterday



The president himself has said it's "ok to debate the conduct of the war," so let's do that. The mess they have created is so big it's almost impossible to know where to begin. Simply put, it's been an absolute disaster on all fronts. We'll let Rep. John Murtha take it from there. I encourage you to read the full text of Murtha's bombshell (or watch it at C&L), but here are some of the more salient passages:

The war in Iraq is not going as advertised. It is a flawed policy wrapped in illusion. The American public is way ahead of us. The United States and coalition troops have done all they can in Iraq, but it is time for a change in direction. Our military is suffering. The future of our country is at risk. We can not continue on the present course...

The war in Iraq has caused huge shortfalls at our bases in the U.S. Much of our ground equipment is worn out and in need of either serious overhaul or replacement. George Washington said, "To be prepared for war is one of the most effective means of preserving peace." We must rebuild our Army. Our deficit is growing out of control. The Director of the Congressional Budget Office recently admitted to being "terrified" about the budget deficit in the coming decades. This is the first prolonged war we have fought with three years of tax cuts, without full mobilization of American industry and without a draft. The burden of this war has not been shared equally; the military and their families are shouldering this burden.

Our military has been fighting a war in Iraq for over two and a half years. Our military has accomplished its mission and done its duty. Our military captured Saddam Hussein, and captured or killed his closest associates. But the war continues to intensify. Deaths and injuries are growing, with over 2,079 confirmed American deaths. Over 15,500 have been seriously injured and it is estimated that over 50,000 will suffer from battle fatigue. There have been reports of at least 30,000 Iraqi civilian deaths...

I am disturbed by the findings in key indicator areas. Oil production and energy production are below pre-war levels. Our reconstruction efforts have been crippled by the security situation. Only $9 billion of the $18 billion appropriated for reconstruction has been spent. Unemployment remains at about 60 percent. Clean water is scarce. Only $500 million of the $2.2 billion appropriated for water projects has been spent. And most importantly, insurgent incidents have increased from about 150 per week to over 700 in the last year. Instead of attacks going down over time and with the addition of more troops, attacks have grown dramatically. Since the revelations at Abu Ghraib, American casualties have doubled. An annual State Department report in 2004 indicated a sharp increase in global terrorism...

Because we in Congress are charged with sending our sons and daughters into battle, it is our responsibility, our OBLIGATION to speak out for them. That's why I am speaking out. Our military has done everything that has been asked of them, the U.S. can not accomplish anything further in Iraq militarily. IT IS TIME TO BRING THEM HOME.

Thank you Mr. Murtha. Thank you for speaking out. Would've liked to have seen this speech 13 months ago, but still, thank you.

While I’m not entirely convinced that an immediate withdrawal is the best solution (my heart says it is, but my pragmatic side still wavers), it’s important we stop glossing over just how royally f’ed up the Bush/Cheney policy has been. What the president and his supporters fail to realize when firing back at the opposition is that, in most cases, it's the management of the war, the conduct, that concerns us most. Sure, the rationale for the war itself is of more-than-questionable merit, and it's important to figure out just how we got there, but now that we're in it, ending the mismanagement and firing the people responsible for putting us there is step #1 toward a better solution.

The people responsible for this mess need to be immediately removed so that we don't make a horrible situation worse. This administration failed to understand the repercussions of what it was about to do. They cherry-picked intelligence and seized on post-9/11 fear and anger to manipulate the masses into supporting them. They shortchanged the effort by trying to do it ‘on the cheap’. They failed massively to properly prepare for the aftermath. They’ve set the ‘hearts and minds’ effort back a decade by turning a blind eye and allowing policies of torture to fester throughout the rank and file. And they have rigidly refused to change course despite the obvious failures and miscalculations inherent in their original policy. They shouldn’t be allowed to make any more decisions. They have to go. Now.

Once we get even semi-competent, realistic, non-ideological people in charge, we can have a real discussion about how to proceed and responsibly pull out without sinking ourselves (and Iraq) further into the swamp. And the key cog to this entire group of dangerous Neocons is, say it with me, Big Dick Cheney. He’s the ideological crazy glue holding the entire cabal together. Get rid of him, and we can start moving in a better direction.


MORE
C&L: Murtha Video
Cole: Blowin' in the Wind
RS: The Man Who Sold the War
WaPO: Iraq Critics Meet Familiar Reply
Catch: The Sliming of Murtha has begun

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BIG DICK PILES ON
"He has the least interest in human beings of anyone I have ever met."
-- John Perry Barlow, former Cheney supporter

Mmmmm, baby blood.

Someone let Dick Cheney out of his cage last night. After Bush on Monday and Rumsfeld on Tuesday, Big Dick delivered the third and dirtiest punch in the administration's 1-2-3 'hit-back' strategy to counter mounting criticism of their war. He said the accusation that Bush deliberately misled the nation into war is "one of the most dishonest and reprehensible charges ever aired in this city." Pretty funny coming from perhaps the most dishonest and reprehensible person to ever air his vitriol in that city. Really, in a town as historically crooked as DC, that's a pretty hefty charge.

Today, Representative John Murtha, a Democrat, fired back at Big Dick:

Mr. Murtha was disdainful of the vice president's remarks, saying that "people with five deferments" had no right to make such remarks. Mr. Cheney, like millions of other young men of the era, avoided military service during the Vietnam war.

Mr. Murtha's demeanor and personal history as well as his status on the Appropriations Committee may lend extra weight to his words. He generally shuns publicity and does not often speak on the House floor. After serving in the Marines in the early 1950's, he re-enlisted in 1966, at the age of 34, and served in Vietnam, earning a Bronze Star, two Purple Hearts and the Vietnamese Cross for Gallantry, according to The Almanac of American Politics. When he won his House seat in a special election in February 1974 he became the first Vietnam veteran to serve in Congress.

So, uh, the Swiftboating of John Murtha begins now, right? I mean, I'm sure he shot some Vietnamese kid in the back, hung out with Jane Fonda, tossed his medals over a fence or something, right? Right?? Paging Turdblossom!! You watch, they'll go there. If they can smear a triple-amputee veteran, they can smear anyone.

Turdblosom is Smearalicious.

You know what's really scary about Dick Cheney? I don't think he thinks he's lying about all this shit. I think he's a delusional, paranoid, psycho with a chip the size of Wyoming on his shoulder. I think he still believes Saddam possessed those phantom WMDs. I think he still believes Saddam had something to do with 9/11. I think he still believes the insurgency is in its 'last throes.' I think he believes torture actually works (or maybe he just gets off on it, I'm not so sure about that one). And I think he believes that if it weren't for him, all of us would've been blown to bits and/or been converted to radical Islam by now. He knew what he wanted to believe a long time ago, and he doesn't want to hear any evidence to the contrary.

So that explains the paranoid/delusional/psycho aspect, but why the big chip on his shoulder? Basically it comes down to the fact that he's been nothing but a big loser all his life. Seriously, check out the guy's history, he's managed to fuck up pretty much everything he's touched. And he's pretty much running the country, which is really, really disturbing.

Big, Scary Loser.

While most on the Right are cheering Dick and Bush on, commending them for fighting back (on that side, they'd rather fight than think apparently), many people, including Bob Kerrey on the Colbert Report this week, have wondered why the president, and now his cronies, have come out so aggressively. They're beginning to ask why he can't be contrite and own up to the obvious mistakes that have been made along the way. Miscalculations and errors have been made in great number and at great cost at all stages of this war, from the planning to the selling to the execution of it. Because of these massive and undeniable foul-ups, the president no longer has a leg to stand on with the American people.

Really, it seems that one way for Bush to reclaim at least some of his squandered credibility would be to admit that mistakes have been made, recognize that we have a new war on our hands, one they didn't plan on, and call on the country to unify and work forward together on a solution. But no, instead Bush comes out and goes all Joe McCarthy on us, crying out 'treason!' and painting his critics as unpatriotic.

Billmon smartly noted recently that Richard Nixon too turned to this aggressive rhetoric just before the shit came down. Just like Bush, he thought "contrition was bullshit."

And we know where that got him...

Rewriting history? How about repeating history?

MORE
RS: The Curse of Dick Cheney
Scheer: The Big Lie Technique
Daily News: Bubba blasts back
Cohen: Bush Can't Handle the Truth
JG: Question for the Deputy General
Newsweek: Cheney's Long Path to War

UPDATE: Rep. John Murtha Lashes Out (more tomorrow)

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// posted by Jed @ 4:04 PM (1) comments

JUST PLAIN OFFENSIVE
President Bush is on the offensive. Beginning last Friday, Veterans Day no less, Bush positioned himself amongst his favorite stagecraft, the troops, and began to attack his attackers. He did so again this past Monday on his way to Asia, from a base in Alaska. It seems appropriate he gave this speech in Alaska during a, ahem, 'fuel stop,' doesn't it? He probably made his remarks as he personally manned a drill directly tapped into ANWR and took hip shots at endangered caribou.

"I am very pleased with myself."

During these attacks, Bush cited many Democrats who voted for the Iraq resolution, including his already vanquished campaign rival, John Kerry. (seems a bit desperate, no?) Bush claims the Democrats saw the same intelligence he did before voting, which is nothing but a load of pure, unrefined bullshit. Not only did they not have the same intelligence, they weren't voting to give President Happybomb a green-light to get his Shock-and-Awe on. Here's what Kerry said at the time of the vote:

"In giving the President this authority, I expect him to fulfill the commitments he has made to the American people in recent days--to work with the United Nations Security Council to adopt a new resolution setting out tough and immediate inspection requirements, and to act with our allies at our side if we have to disarm Saddam Hussein by force. If he fails to do so, I will be among the first to speak out." (tip to Talent Show)

God, is it 2004 again? Point is, Bush didn't fulfill either of those commitments, and so Kerry, like the rest of us, is speaking out. Of course, the President thinks speaking out against him is about as unpatriotic as you can be. Fellow Republican Chuck Hagel has something to say about that:

"The Bush Administration must understand that each American has a right to question our policies in Iraq and elsewhere and should not be demonized for disagreeing with them. Suggesting that to challenge or criticize policy is undermining and hurting our troops is not democracy, nor what this country has stood for, for over 200 years."

Amen brother. Hagel must be thinking of a run in '08.



In his attacks, Bush has also claimed that the bipartisan Senate Intelligence Committee already determined the administration had not manipulated the facts on the way to war. That too is a total lie. That part of the investigation was to happen in Phase 2, which hasn't been completed thanks to continued stonewalling by the Republicans on the committee. Failure to complete this all-important phase of the investigation is what prompted Harry Reid to 'slap Bill Frist in the face' and shut the Senate earlier this month.

As infuriating as these false claims are, it is this statement from Bush that burns me up the most:

"Critics are sending mixed signals to the troops. That is irresponsible."

Irresponsible?? 'Bring 'em on' was irresponsible. Not properly equipping the troops was irresponsible. Allowing your country to become known worldwide as advocates of torture is irresponsible. Outing a covert CIA agent is irresponsible. Underfunding the war is irresponsible. Mixed signals? How about 'Mission Accomplished'? How about "the war will pay for itself" or "there won't be any casualties" or "We don't do torture"? Those are mixed fucking signals. Seriously, I've had it. Hey George, why don't you just get lost somewhere in Asia and not come back? Better yet, why don't you contract the bird flu and then hermetically seal yourself off from the rest of the world so we don't have to deal with you anymore? I'm sick and tired of you and your cronies soiling our once-good name.

Fuck you George W. Bush. Fuck you Dick Cheney. Fuck you all. Get Bent.



MORE
WaPO: Asteriks Dot White House's Argument
TDS: Put 'em up, put 'em up! (via C&L)
Dear Leader: 'we are gonna hit back at them flip flopers'
Newsview: Bush Returns to Campaign Playbook

A RETURN FROM NORMALCY
I'm back from my week as a 'normal' person. By normal I mean I didn't spend one minute in the so-called blogosphere, I gave the news only the occasional periphery glance, and I didn't write a single word. In doing this, I discovered something. It's been a source of constant frustration for me that people aren't outraged daily by the actions of the, um, Cheney administration. I've wondered constantly, 'why aren't people in the streets every day demanding action and change and answers??' It drives me nuts. Well, the answer seems to be that 'normal' people don't realize how fu*ked up everything really is. While living this 'normal' life last week all I could really gather was that Terrell Owens sucks, terrorists suck, and voters are finally starting to realize that Bush sucks.

People who suck.

Of course, then I got back, tried to catch up and soon realized a bit more had happened:

• First off, I realized that the United States melts people's skin off.
• I then quickly realized that Terrell Owens is the least of our problems.
• I realized that Bush doesn't realize that actually, yes, 'we do torture'. And we're trying to hide it. Seriously, that "We Don't Torture" shit? That should go down in the annals right alongside "Bring 'em on" and "Heckuva Job Brownie."
• I realized that Jimmy Carter gets it. And so does Muhammad Ali.
• I realized that Bush met with the Dalai Lama, something I'd normally be happy to hear. But I gotta question the timing on this one. I mean really, right before an important and potentially contentious state visit to China? They were bound to get cranky about it, especially when we owe them all that money. Big hitter, the Lama.
• I realized that despite being forced to watch 'Must Love Dogs' both on the flight to Chicago and back from Chicago, I still think John Cusack rocks.
• Lastly, I realized that I prefer to remain abnormal, if that's what this is. It's good to be back.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got more reading to do. Lampooning to follow shortly.


'Hey Karl, 50 bucks says your boy trips before he gets here. Bet?'

REMAINS of the DAYS: The one hastily thrown together.
I'm going to be away from the blog for about a week, headed to the Windy City to get a kiss from Ozzie. While I'm there, I may post a 'thank you' note on special counsel Patrick Fitzgerald's door, that is if he's not 'in the tank'. As I've said all along, I think he's got more up his sleeve, and I'm not the only one. Could it be Karl's week? Or could it be Big Dick's time? No one really knows, but the veep should certainly be in play, at least according to the Starr standards. He's the one who was most obsessed with getting his war on. He's the one who pushed the 'reconsituted nukes' and the al Qaeda link more than anyone. He's the one who supports torture and secret prisons. This is the Cheney adminstration, not the Bush administration. He's the one calling the shots. So let's get Dick. In the meantime, here's some less heavy Remains, thrown together at the last minute, to keep y'all busy while I'm away. Enjoy.

• Don't worry about that bird flu thing, the big guy has it under control.
• G's up, Hoes down: Barney's in the hizouse.
• A few Halloween leftovers: Homestar Runner gets his trick-or-treat on. Also, Bobby Brown and Mike Tyson represent Halloween better than anyone.
• How about that, Carmen Electra and I have something in common. (and no, I was never married to Dennis Rodman)
• Pulp Fiction in 30 seconds as re-enacted by bunnies. (check out all the re-enactments here)
• Don't worry, He's with you always.
• Like cats? Then why don't you go bowling with them? Or maybe play a little Tetris. Whatever you do, don't watch this.
• Mr. Sun does it again, this time he casts the inevitable film version of Plamegate for us.
• From McSweeney's, "Ways in Which the Disinterred Corpse of Silent-Film Actor Lon Chaney Would Be a Better Vice President Than Dick Cheney."
• And back to the heavy: About that leak, don't forget WHAT they were trying to cover up.
• John Dean says Dick Cheney should not be sleeping well.
• They're coming out of the woodwork: If you missed the revelations brought forth in recent weeks, first by Colin Powell's chief of staff Lawrence Wilkerson (The White House Cabal), and second by Bush Sr.'s NSA Brett Scowcroft (Breaking Ranks), about how the Cheney administration has been conducting business, I encourage you to read them now.
• And finally, a few older articles to revisit: Dick Cheney's Song for America and The Lie Factory.

HOW LOW CAN HE GO?
You know, if my approval ratings were this low, I don't think I'd pay attention to them either. According to the most recent poll, only 39% approve of the job Bush is doing, while 60% solidly disapprove. A majority, 51%, now disapprove of how he's conducting his 'war on terror'. And how about that promise to restore honor and dignity to the White House? Well, 58% think Bush is dishonest, while a whopping 67% think negatively about White House ethical standards. And this was the better of the two polls that came out this week, the other one has his approval rating at 35%. Hell, I don't even think people want to have a beer with the guy anymore.

'Shit, God won't even speak to me anymore.'

In another poll released today, 53% support a Bush impeachment if he's found to have lied in the run-up to Iraq. Seems pretty bleak, doesn't it? But hey, it could be worse -- he could be Big Dick. Darth Cheney scores a scintilating approval rating of 19%. Yes, that's right, 19%. The other 81% of the country apparently would prefer that Dick go fuck himself.

When these numbers were released last night, Bush must've been happy he was making a run for the border and escaping to Argentina for the Americas Summit. "They can't hate me as much down there," he probably thought. "Heck, I even speak their language! They'll love me!"

Hola Presidente!

Um, no. Sorry W. How do you say 'Unpopular Everywhere' in Spanish?

As trouble swirls around the White House, Bush has reportedly been watching reruns of The West Wing for inspiration... at least he's not talking to the portraits yet. Unfortunately, Bush must've missed this clip (thx OGM) when he allowed Scooter to resign last week.



Who knows, maybe he'll see this and redeem himself once Rove's goose is finally cooked. Nawwww, who am I kidding?? That would be a sign of integrity, and lord knows we can' t have something like that in the Bush White House.

STEPFORD INTO THE LIGHT
From the too-good-not-to-share file, I present this, courtesy of D-Renegade.


'Oh bugger, she's gone all wonky again. Should we change her batteries?'

Admittedly, Renegade's captioning is much better than mine. Honestly, it's difficult to choose between the 'Royal Rodgering' and the 'Robot' routes. For once, I'm shying away from the perveted path... but that doesn't mean you have to! Come up with your own in comments.

THE HANGOVER STILL HURTS
I was going to put this post together yesterday, but it was all just too painful. Yesterday, November 2, was the one-year anniversary of the day I almost lost all faith in this great country. On that day, Canada seemed like a viable option to me. Labatt's and hockey? Yeah, I could get into that. It was the day that prompted the Brits to ask how 59 million of us could be so dumb.

Indeed.

It was bright and sunny Brooklyn morning when I headed to the polls. The day was filled with nervous anticipation. I didn't get any work done, I was glued to the internets. The exit polls began streaming in around 2 pm and the numbers were very promising. My spirits lifted, hope was racing through my veins. I left work early to rush home and watch the returns, but in the matter of a subway ride the numbers had taken a dramatic turn for the worse. Suddenly, things didn't look so good. By 9 pm, I had bitten every nail off. It was the only sustenance I got all night -- I was too nervous to eat. By the time Jon Stewart came on at 11, my head was sore from banging it against the wall so many times. My spirits deflated, hope began to drip ever so slowly from my wounded veins. Next thing I knew it was 2 in the morning. I sat in silent despair watching a pitiful Al Franken desperately trying to do the math on a pathetic little whiteboard, markers clenched between his teeth. He was trying to make it work. He still had hope.

Admirable, but sad.

By 2:30 am, the Ohio conspiracies were already beginning to circulate. John Edwards addressed the crowd in Boston and a nation of weary, sleep-deprived realists. He urged us not to give up. He told us they would fight. But it was hard to believe him at that point. By 3:30 am, I was three sheets and 34 electoral votes to the wind when I called my sister in Seattle and wept openly to her over the phone. I didn't sleep much, if at all. The next day at work was a tough one. Kerry conceded around lunchtime. I attempted to extend a gracious, hungover and overtired hand to my smarmy, openly Republican co-worker only to be met with a hearty laugh and a hefty dose of derision. I prepared myself for four more years of this same arrogant, asshole smugness.

I spent the next couple of day wrapped in blanket, balled up in a corner, tear stains on my cheeks. Three days later I attempted to drown my sorrows at my girlfriend's housewarming party. In my drunken despair, I managed to drop a mostly full, 1/2 gallon bottle of Tanqueray directly onto the big toe of my left foot. 'How apt,' I thought. It didn't hurt too much at the time thanks to the booze, but within 24 hours the entire toe was black. It would remain that way before all vestiges of the black toe, which I blamed squarely on Bush, would finally disappear. That was this past September 28, the same day, coincidentally, that Tom DeLay was indicted and the Republican house of cards began to crumble. Thank god that thing fell off.

July 2005.

Thank you, I needed the therapy.

MORE
Oliphant: The Coverup Worked
Bill@Kos: Election '04 Flashback
ThinkProgress: Since the Election
CrisisPapers: Election Fraud 2004?
Looking Back: God Won and My Closing Argument.

AND THE HORSE HE STROKED IN ON
Get along little Bloomie.

It is often said that all politics is local. Despite that, DAYS tends to tilt almost exclusively toward the national political scene. To wit, I have yet to dedicate a single post to next week's NYC mayoral election. In fact, if not for yesterday's news involving President Bush, Mayor Bloomberg, a wad of cash, some suggestive fist pumping and a horse, I'd probably still be ignoring it. As the NY Post reported, challenger Fernando Ferrer's new ad, simply titled "Buddies," hits Bloomy below the belt. Literally.

Bloomberg's right hand, which holds a wad of cash, moves up and down in a rhythmic motion below Bush's belt, as a grin crosses the president's face, and his arms and legs quiver momentarily." Ah, yes, the money shot. Bloomberg's campaign alleges that the "commercial clearly shows the mayor performing a sex act on Bush.

Frankly, given the revelations from Laura Bush's comedy routine last April, the horse should feel lucky he wasn't the one getting jacked. The president does have a penchant for that, no?



In addition to this ad, Ferrer's 'Camp du Desperation' offers up a series of humurous ads, one featuring a salsa-dancing Al Sharpton, on the Ferrer2005.com website. Have a look won't you? After all, Freddy doesn't have the money to actually get them on the air, so indulge him for a minute if you can. And don't forget to vote next Tuesday.

HARRY'S SUPER SECRET "MEETING"
Well this is interesting. The AP is reporting that Harry Reid has forced a closed session to discuss the intelligence that led to the Iraq War.

Democrats Force Closed Meeting on Iraq
WASHINGTON - Democrats forced the Republican-controlled Senate into an unusual closed session Tuesday, demanding answers about intelligence that led to the Iraq war. Republicans derided the move as a political stunt.

In a speech on the Senate floor, Democratic leader Harry Reid said the American people and U.S. troops deserved to know the details of how the United States became engaged in the war, particularly in light of the indictment of I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff.

Reid demanded the Senate go into closed session. With a second by Sen. Dick Durbin, D-Ill., the public was ordered out of the chamber, the lights were dimmed, senators filed to their seats on the floor and the doors were closed. No vote is required in such circumstances.

The lights were dimmed?? Oooh, how romantic. Or maybe, ewwwww, how icky. Is it a senatorial orgy? God we hope not. And sleep well with that image dancing through your head tonight... just think of Enzi in a thong.

'One at a time now, there's plenty of me to go around.'

'Scuse me, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

UPDATE: C&L has the video. The Kossacks have more, including Reid's full statement. ThinkProgress is also offering updates, as usual. Good to see the Senate Dems finally showing some spine. Where ya been?