Friday, October 22, 2004
SURPRISE, IT'S OCTOBER!
We've all been waiting for it. We all know its coming. Within the next week, something big will happen to shake up the campaign (aka: the 'October Surprise'). For months, Kerry supporters have feared whatever trick(s) Karl Rove has up his sleeve. Will they roll out Osama? Will they put us back on Code Orange? Could the Sinclair "documentary" being force-fed to a quarter of our nation's television stations be the best 'surprise' they can muster? I doubt it.
I've already placed my bet, previously predicting that top terrorist Abu Masad al Zarqawi would be nabbed within the next week, but I want to know what you think. Yes, it's time to get a little interactive. Take a look at the list of potential surprises below and then indicate, via the "comment" button at the end of this post, which one you think will happen before November 2. Or, you can write your own surprise. I promise, all votes will be counted... and then recounted, and recounted again, dismissed if you're African American, shredded in secret, recounted one more time and ultimately decided by Chief Justice Scalia whenever he gets back from his duck-hunting trip.
What Do You Think the October Surprise will be?
1. Bush drags Osama bin Laden out into the Rose Garden on a chain, makes him dance like a monkey and then snaps his neck triumphantly.
2. WMDs found in the trunk of Dick Cheney's Suburban.
3. The GOP attack machine expose Jack and Emma Edwards to be coked-up dope fiends.
4. Florida flattened by another hurricane. Bush blames al Qaeda.
5. Terror alert hits Orange, Tom Ridge tells us to be afraid... be very afraid.
6. Terror alert hits Red, election canceled. Bush named King of the land for all eternity.
7. Bush reveals himself to be Jesus.
8. Bush reveals Kerry to be Osama.
9. Mary Cheney announces her engagement to Alexandra Kerry.
10. Kerry re-enlists, heads to Baghdad for some action.
11. John McCain can't take it any longer, beats the snot out of Bush at a rally in Racine.
12. Bush replaces Cheney on the ticket with Britney Federline.
13. Don Rumsfeld gets fired. (yeah, right!)
14. The Bush twins enlist, head to Iraq.
15. Saddam Hussein traded to the Kansas City Royals for Joe Randa, Darrell May and a player to be named later. And cash.
16. Bush will catch the flu, steal his mother's vaccine.
17. The Red Sox will beat the Yankees. oh, wait...
18. Bush attacked by pretzel, slips into coma, wins on sympathy.
19. Bush dons a flight suit and... no, wait, that didn't work the first time.
20. Osama found in China. Oh god, this may have already happened.
Conspiracies, yayyyyyy!
Look, more October Surprise Fun!
Submit your own at NameTheOctoberSurprise.com.
We've all been waiting for it. We all know its coming. Within the next week, something big will happen to shake up the campaign (aka: the 'October Surprise'). For months, Kerry supporters have feared whatever trick(s) Karl Rove has up his sleeve. Will they roll out Osama? Will they put us back on Code Orange? Could the Sinclair "documentary" being force-fed to a quarter of our nation's television stations be the best 'surprise' they can muster? I doubt it.
I've already placed my bet, previously predicting that top terrorist Abu Masad al Zarqawi would be nabbed within the next week, but I want to know what you think. Yes, it's time to get a little interactive. Take a look at the list of potential surprises below and then indicate, via the "comment" button at the end of this post, which one you think will happen before November 2. Or, you can write your own surprise. I promise, all votes will be counted... and then recounted, and recounted again, dismissed if you're African American, shredded in secret, recounted one more time and ultimately decided by Chief Justice Scalia whenever he gets back from his duck-hunting trip.
What Do You Think the October Surprise will be?
1. Bush drags Osama bin Laden out into the Rose Garden on a chain, makes him dance like a monkey and then snaps his neck triumphantly.
2. WMDs found in the trunk of Dick Cheney's Suburban.
3. The GOP attack machine expose Jack and Emma Edwards to be coked-up dope fiends.
4. Florida flattened by another hurricane. Bush blames al Qaeda.
5. Terror alert hits Orange, Tom Ridge tells us to be afraid... be very afraid.
6. Terror alert hits Red, election canceled. Bush named King of the land for all eternity.
7. Bush reveals himself to be Jesus.
8. Bush reveals Kerry to be Osama.
9. Mary Cheney announces her engagement to Alexandra Kerry.
10. Kerry re-enlists, heads to Baghdad for some action.
11. John McCain can't take it any longer, beats the snot out of Bush at a rally in Racine.
12. Bush replaces Cheney on the ticket with Britney Federline.
13. Don Rumsfeld gets fired. (yeah, right!)
14. The Bush twins enlist, head to Iraq.
15. Saddam Hussein traded to the Kansas City Royals for Joe Randa, Darrell May and a player to be named later. And cash.
16. Bush will catch the flu, steal his mother's vaccine.
17. The Red Sox will beat the Yankees. oh, wait...
18. Bush attacked by pretzel, slips into coma, wins on sympathy.
19. Bush dons a flight suit and... no, wait, that didn't work the first time.
20. Osama found in China. Oh god, this may have already happened.
Conspiracies, yayyyyyy!
Look, more October Surprise Fun!
Submit your own at NameTheOctoberSurprise.com.
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