Wednesday, September 01, 2004
RNC NIGHT THREE: THE MOST FRIGHTENING THINGS ON EARTH
The third night of this circus began timidly, leading off with the inevitable syrupy tribute film to the throng's beloved Gipper. The film was epic folklore, I think I even saw John Wayne. But they had to use that goddam Lee Greenwood song one more time, didn't they? Yeah, we know, you're proud to be an American. So are we.
Zellraiser
The softly-lit video footage and feel-good niceties wore off quickly however when senator Zell Miller, the Democrat from Georgia, took to the stage. That's right, the Democrat from Georgia. And that's all anyone will be talking about: "Hey, a Democrat at the convention actually spoke up for Bush. Hmmmmm, something must really be wrong with that Kerry guy..." As David Corn of The Nation points out, Miller is "the political equivalent of a Jew for Jesus."
Who knows what drove this retiring, craggy, Dixieland congressman to the dark side. Maybe the Dems took his parking spot away, or insisted he stop spitting his chewin' tobacco directly onto the floor of the Senate chamber. Whatever it was, Zell delivered some serious fire and brimstone in a unabashed, vitriolic assault on John Kerry. His fists were clinched, his eyes were wide and I think I saw smoke coming out of his ears. He was like a deranged Roscoe P. Coltrane, accusing John Kerry of everything from indecisiveness to being a sissy to outright treason, and scaring the bejeezus out of everyone watching at home. I'm just now coming out from under my desk, teeth still chattering. Really, it was frightening.
Apparently, the GOP let Zell rip into Kerry in an effort to make the next speaker appear a little less scary and intimidating... ok, dim the lights and cue the evil music, here he comes.
Go Fuck Yourself*
Next up, the Dark Overlord of All Things Unholy (that's his secret service code name) spoke to his disciples at the annual shareholder's meeting known as the Republican National Convention.
Let's see, Dick Cheney's speech in a few words: accepts the party's nomination, something about his father being a railroad cook (take that millworker's son!), a line about schools, a line about tax cuts, a line about health care and then, Terror! Terror! Terror! Yep, the bogeyman didn't hide for long, skipping quickly over substantive issues about domestic, social and economic and getting right to the heart of the matter: "We'd all be dead if it weren't for me!!! ...I mean, if it weren't for President Bush."
The vice president did what he does best actually. He scared us. He spoke in measured, sensible tones about the grave dangers mounting all around us. He constructed a terrifying picture of the world. This went on for a while until the delegates trembled thunderously and then broke into a chant of "U-S-A!" This happened several times. Cheney then spoke of the president's strength and resolve, of Bush's determination and of his faith. And how we're all "safer" because of him. This too went on for some time, the delegation frequently erupting in chants of "Four More Years!"
At some point in between the "U-S-A!" chants and the "Four More Years!" chants, two MORE protestors, this time from a group known as Code Pink, made it known that they had infiltrated the arena by standing up to shout their dissent at the vice president. Let's see, that's four breaches of security in three days at what has been touted as "the most secure location in the world." How can this party protect the country if it can't even protect its own convention? Yep, I feel safer.
But back to the speech. The vice president spent plenty of time ripping John Kerry to shreds, blasting him for his record, twisting his words and picking at specific points without any real context. During this section the delegation catcalled Kerry with sing-song chants of "Fliiiiip Floooop!" accompanied by the banging of actual flip-flop sandals they had brought with them. Flip flop this. Cheney also ridiculed Kerry's "sensitive war" remark once again, taking that out of context too and ignoring the fact that his boss has made the exact same claim. This party really likes to paint its opponents as pussies, don't they? That seems to be the only thing they have going for them.
So, in summary, Cheney's speech:
Be Afraid.
Bush is Strong.
Be Very Afraid.
Kerry is a wuss.
Be Very, Very Afraid.
Everyone will die if Kerry is elected.
And the scorecard:
6 chants of "U-S-A!"
5 chants of "Four More Years!"
2 chants of "Flip Flop!"
2 more arrested protestors.
0 references to actual policies.
But how come he didn't mention Halliburton?
On the third night of the Democratic convention a month ago we heard a lot about hope and optimism. On the third night of the Republican show we got venom, invective and spiteful rhetoric. Apparently, the GOP goal this week is to bully and sissify John Kerry, to scare the living crap out of the voters, and to avoid laying out real solutions to the multitude of problems facing the country. Good job so far guys!
Tomorrow night we all get Bushed... stay tuned.
* Trademarked by the Republican party and Dick Cheney.
The third night of this circus began timidly, leading off with the inevitable syrupy tribute film to the throng's beloved Gipper. The film was epic folklore, I think I even saw John Wayne. But they had to use that goddam Lee Greenwood song one more time, didn't they? Yeah, we know, you're proud to be an American. So are we.
Zellraiser
The softly-lit video footage and feel-good niceties wore off quickly however when senator Zell Miller, the Democrat from Georgia, took to the stage. That's right, the Democrat from Georgia. And that's all anyone will be talking about: "Hey, a Democrat at the convention actually spoke up for Bush. Hmmmmm, something must really be wrong with that Kerry guy..." As David Corn of The Nation points out, Miller is "the political equivalent of a Jew for Jesus."
Who knows what drove this retiring, craggy, Dixieland congressman to the dark side. Maybe the Dems took his parking spot away, or insisted he stop spitting his chewin' tobacco directly onto the floor of the Senate chamber. Whatever it was, Zell delivered some serious fire and brimstone in a unabashed, vitriolic assault on John Kerry. His fists were clinched, his eyes were wide and I think I saw smoke coming out of his ears. He was like a deranged Roscoe P. Coltrane, accusing John Kerry of everything from indecisiveness to being a sissy to outright treason, and scaring the bejeezus out of everyone watching at home. I'm just now coming out from under my desk, teeth still chattering. Really, it was frightening.
Apparently, the GOP let Zell rip into Kerry in an effort to make the next speaker appear a little less scary and intimidating... ok, dim the lights and cue the evil music, here he comes.
Go Fuck Yourself*
Next up, the Dark Overlord of All Things Unholy (that's his secret service code name) spoke to his disciples at the annual shareholder's meeting known as the Republican National Convention.
Let's see, Dick Cheney's speech in a few words: accepts the party's nomination, something about his father being a railroad cook (take that millworker's son!), a line about schools, a line about tax cuts, a line about health care and then, Terror! Terror! Terror! Yep, the bogeyman didn't hide for long, skipping quickly over substantive issues about domestic, social and economic and getting right to the heart of the matter: "We'd all be dead if it weren't for me!!! ...I mean, if it weren't for President Bush."
The vice president did what he does best actually. He scared us. He spoke in measured, sensible tones about the grave dangers mounting all around us. He constructed a terrifying picture of the world. This went on for a while until the delegates trembled thunderously and then broke into a chant of "U-S-A!" This happened several times. Cheney then spoke of the president's strength and resolve, of Bush's determination and of his faith. And how we're all "safer" because of him. This too went on for some time, the delegation frequently erupting in chants of "Four More Years!"
At some point in between the "U-S-A!" chants and the "Four More Years!" chants, two MORE protestors, this time from a group known as Code Pink, made it known that they had infiltrated the arena by standing up to shout their dissent at the vice president. Let's see, that's four breaches of security in three days at what has been touted as "the most secure location in the world." How can this party protect the country if it can't even protect its own convention? Yep, I feel safer.
But back to the speech. The vice president spent plenty of time ripping John Kerry to shreds, blasting him for his record, twisting his words and picking at specific points without any real context. During this section the delegation catcalled Kerry with sing-song chants of "Fliiiiip Floooop!" accompanied by the banging of actual flip-flop sandals they had brought with them. Flip flop this. Cheney also ridiculed Kerry's "sensitive war" remark once again, taking that out of context too and ignoring the fact that his boss has made the exact same claim. This party really likes to paint its opponents as pussies, don't they? That seems to be the only thing they have going for them.
So, in summary, Cheney's speech:
Be Afraid.
Bush is Strong.
Be Very Afraid.
Kerry is a wuss.
Be Very, Very Afraid.
Everyone will die if Kerry is elected.
And the scorecard:
6 chants of "U-S-A!"
5 chants of "Four More Years!"
2 chants of "Flip Flop!"
2 more arrested protestors.
0 references to actual policies.
But how come he didn't mention Halliburton?
On the third night of the Democratic convention a month ago we heard a lot about hope and optimism. On the third night of the Republican show we got venom, invective and spiteful rhetoric. Apparently, the GOP goal this week is to bully and sissify John Kerry, to scare the living crap out of the voters, and to avoid laying out real solutions to the multitude of problems facing the country. Good job so far guys!
Tomorrow night we all get Bushed... stay tuned.
* Trademarked by the Republican party and Dick Cheney.
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