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Tuesday, April 12, 2005

I AM THE ENVOY, GOO GOO G'JOOB
Senate confirmation hearings for President Bush's selection as the country's next ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton, began yesterday. Truth be told, I've been terribly upset ever since Bolton was nominated to the post a month ago. Am I upset because Bolton is considered to be a "loose cannon" and a bully by many of his peers? Or is it because he once said that lopping 10 stories off the UN Building here in New York wouldn't make a bit of difference? Am I upset because Jesse Helms considers him to be "the kind of man with whom he like to stand at armageddon"? Or is it because Bolton was a key player in the promotion of the since debunked Niger-uranium claim that helped push this country to war in Iraq?

While all these things do create valid concern in my head, they aren't the reason I haven't been able to sleep at night. No, what's really being keeping me awake is the guy's mustache. Seriously, if this whole UN ambassadorship thing doesn't work out for him, he's clearly a ready-made candidate for a new Got Milk? campaign.

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Maybe this is exactly the reason Bush selected him. Oh sure, it could be that BushCo feels Bolton is just the man to finally demolish that pesky UN with its treaties and diplomacy and other such nonsense, or it could simply be because the 'stach makes W. giggle.

I've also been having a difficult time deciding who it is that Bolton reminds me of:

Is it Yosemite Sam?
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Or is it a character from a Sam Peckinpah film?
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How about Buffalo Bill? Does he remind anyone of Buffalo Bill?
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Ummm, how about professional golfer Craig Stadler?
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No, dammit that's not it. Wait, I've got it! He's a dead ringer for Wally Walrus!

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Goo Goo G'joob indeed. Have mercy.

MORE
The Beatles: I Am the Walrus
Daily Show: 'Like appointing Dracula to the Blood Bank'
NYT: The Worst of the Bad Nominations
Washington Note: Ongoing Coverage
Opposition Group: Stop Bolton
Code Pink protests the hearings: 'All that bravery and not one of them has any balls.'

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