DAYS

MERRY FRICKIN' CHRISTMAS EVERYONE


Go here for more photos of Santa Claus scaring the crap out of little children. Truly Awesome.

With Christmas around the corner, I thought I'd put together a quick collection of holiday-themed stocking stuffers for everyone to enjoy. This holiday grab-bag of stories, videos, animation and other such nonsense has been culled from the fascinating, and often times disturbing, world of Internet freakdom. That said, most of these are best enjoyed after a dozen or so glasses of heavily-spiked egg nog, so drink up and enjoy!

• Defamer's Hollywood Xmas Cards Collection: The Hiltons (Hey look! Paris kept her clothes on for this one!); Tom Cruise (Do Scientologists celebrate Christmas? Yes indeedy!); Pee Wee (A hands-free Holiday!); The Federlines (Classy? Say it ain't so!!)
• It's A Wonderful Life in 30-seconds... and re-enacted by bunnies (animation)
• Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah! (video)
• A Homestar Runner Christmas: It's D'ween, Yo! (animation)
• A Very Barney Christmas: Where in the White House is Ms. Beazley? Seriously folks, shouldn't these people be spending their time on something more productive like, oh, I don't know, running the friggin' country!? (video)
• South Park: Mr. Garrison wishes you all a Merry Fu*king Christmas. (audio)
• Piss off those who love the Santa-and-presents aspect of Christmas: Boycott Xmas!
• Or, piss off those who love the It's-Jesus-Birthday aspect of Christmas: "In later years Christians had to contend with charges that their Lord was illegitimate, perhaps the illicit offspring of Mary and a Roman soldier." (Newsweek: The Birth of Jesus)
• What says Christmas to you Madame Tussaud? Why, Posh Spice, David Beckham and Kylie Minogue do of course! (CNN: Outrage Over Beckham Nativity) Follow-up: Beckham Gets Waxed!
• Britons worry about 'Santa Cuddles' (Daily Record UK)
• Lynne Cheney's Revolutionary Christmas. Personally, we prefer her lesbian erotica. (when the hell are they going to turn this masterpiece into a movie?? Seriously!)
• If you live next door to any of these houses, my condolences.
• Larry Getlen: A Hard-nosed Santa Claus Talks Money
• Stuck for last-minute gift ideas? Maybe you could pick up an O'Reilly-approved loofah for that special someone (2nd item). Or perhaps you could surprise them with a Jesus-scented candle! Of course, that begs the question: what exactly does Jesus smell like?
• Whatever you decide to get, be sure to have a very Blue Christmas this year.
  

All joking aside, as things continue to spiral further downward in Iraq, and since our government can't seem to properly equip our soldiers, please consider giving something to them this season. Support the Troops, Oppose the Policy.

Happy HoliDAYS everyone.